Anything Goes : Criticism Vs Constructive Criticism and the Joys of Politeness. by Spike Thurbon

Bad day at work? Recently had some bad news? Down on your luck? Or is it just a mean-streak? I have always found Stage32 to be a busy hub of creativity, with genuine good-will and enthusiasm on-tap. I have often logged on, tired, frustrated and disheartened from the days trials, but within minutes of networking, with amazingly talented creatives, from all walks and levels of the industry, I am fully pumped-up and ready to hit the ground running again, inspired by success stories and possible collaborations. Even the simple act of finding an additional “LIKE” on one of my screenplays will leave me beaming, flushing away the troubles of the day. Very rarely is the air soured by negativity. Constructive criticism is key, to improvement, development and success! But there are ways in which to deliver. A troubling undercurrent of double-edged compliments, derogatory conduct and outright rudeness has recently reared its ugly head. Ok, maybe a tad dramatic, but none-the-less, a shift in recent negativity has been felt. I am a strong advocate for directness, straight-forwardness and honesty, and firmly believe that lying to protect someone’s feelings is rarely a good option, especially if, said person, wishes to succeed in their chosen field. I also agree, that a thick-skinned approach is vital for succeeding in any industry, but, as a rhino’s skin is thick enough to protect it from the elements and natural predators, if shot, it still bleeds! We often hear the dos and don’ts regarding power networking, but rarely read about the importance of politeness and tact. Presumably, through the widespread assumption that these life-skills were firmly installed during childhood. I still find, however, with the rise of social media, that the most basic use of manners and etiquette are too easily forgotten, made redundant by fleeting justifications of “I don’t sugar-coat things” or “Just telling it how it is”. What is more frustrating is the fact that many of these self-justified straight-talkers are professional writers! Should that not, then dictate, that they are MORE qualified than anyone else to forge their responses and suggestions in a more pleasant, respectful and constructive manner? On that note, I move from criticism to constructive criticism and offer with hope and good will, my 5 steps to polite networking: 1. Meeting and Greeting. Possibly the most underestimated element of networking? For me, this is where it all begins! That first hello! Since joining back in April ’14, I have endeavoured to respond to every invitation, requesting my connection. Firstly saying hello, secondly thanking them for their invitation and thirdly wishing them luck for their future. Sometimes, this will flourish into a lengthy conversation, both parties offering advice or support from their respective skill-sets, even collaborations with industry friends and connections. Other times this is acknowledged with a “LIKE”, then more often than not, completely ignored. When inviting others to connect with me, it is, sadly, rare to receive a hello or even an acknowledgement from those accepting. This confuses me immensely. Would you accept the invitation to join a conversation in a bar then not speak or introduce yourself? The logic escapes me. Say hello, thank them for their invite, offer your support and embrace the love! Who knows what treasures lay hidden behind the profile? 2. Variety is the Spice of life. We are all unique and very different in many ways, particularly in our opinions, creative skills and life experiences. Accept it! You are stepping onto a stage full of people, with different backgrounds, from different parts of the world, with different training and each with a different story to tell. Before you unleash the wrath of your opinion, try listening to them, you may learn something. If you still disagree, then throw your opposing point of view into the arena, politely, highlighting your reasons. This can be done without belittlement, accusations of stupidity and comparisons to Hitler’s final solution! (Yes, really!) Enter each conversation with an open mind and without prejudice. Discussion and debate are healthy, but never forget, different doesn’t necessarily mean wrong! We all have the power to agree to disagree, politely. 3. Biting your Tongue. We’ve all had that knee-jerk reaction to particular comments, ridiculous suggestions and blatant bad-advice. We’ve all wanted to show our support for the bullied kid in the playground, but, doesn’t bullying the bully, make you … a BULLY too? There are far more constructive ways to show your support. Why not drop them a private message to their inbox, reassuring them that ******’s comments were unduly harsh, and should be ignored? Maybe advise them to go through the official channels of the site should the abuse persist? A public “Bully-off” is not the answer! Just remember, everything you write is on public display, to millions of professionals, each forming an impression of you, based on how you present yourself to the community! Bite your tongue, until you decide the most productive way in which to offer support or assistance to your fellow members. 4. Look Before you Leap. Be clear on your motives. To yourself more than anyone. If you feel the need to leave harsh criticism of another’s work or opinion, ask yourself, why? What is my motivation? If it is for any other reason than helping them improve, excel, and succeed, don’t! It is human nature to project our own faults and insecurities onto others by form of aggressive criticism in order to make ourselves feel better. Be strong. Fight the urge! Equally as important, be sure your opinion is welcome. Before I offer any constructive criticism, I always like to make sure it is, first, requested. A post requesting an opinion on a logline, or an invitation to review and comment on somebody’s reel are both good indications that this member wants your opinion, so go for it, politely! A few months back, I read a short screenplay on a fellow member’s profile. I thoroughly enjoyed the script, and had a few suggestions on how, in my humble opinion, certain aspects could be polished, further improving the overall piece. Before authoring the compact version of 101 things wrong with your script (more like three, this was an excellent screenplay), and leaving a blot on the horizon of permanent comments on the fruits of his hard work and labour, carefully omitting the gargantuan list of positive points, I asked if he would like my opinion! A simple gesture, but one rarely used. He replied, and I obliged by private message. I believe this screenplay has since been optioned, certainly not because of my input, but I did enjoy a small cameo in the acceptance speech! My point being, that the screenplays and reels posted on a profile are often undergoing various stages of editing, aiming towards perfection. Although its evolution is mainly attributed to feedback and suggestions from readers, the negative comments attached to that piece can stick, despite numerous rewrites since comment was passed. Maybe offer your criticism via private message? After all, it is the author you’re trying to reach, right? 5. Know When to Walk Away. If a comment or opinion doesn’t float your boat, then sail to calmer waters! Don’t make it your mission to sink their ship! If you hang around for too long, you will get caught in the crossfire. Don’t fan the flames. Not your kind of contact or discussion? Just walk away. Discretion being the better part of valour. You can tell me until you’re blue-in-the-face that “this is just how the world is!”… My only point is, it doesn’t need to be! Embrace politeness, embrace the love!