Your Stage : My first Short, feedback please! by Patrick Barbeau

very interesting film well done

Very original about the cupcakes.

Thanks for the comments Alle Segretti but looking at your videos on your page, I can't really take the critism too seriously.Also it kinda seems like you are looking for the bad instead of enjoying the video, that's what it feels like. Thanks for taking the time to comment though! Good luck and fortune to you :)

4 hours? Not too shabby! Lol. I like what you have done, especially for 4hours! When it ends, and I want the story to go on , that's a good sign! I would agree that a little more full speed on the fight, little less slow mo would be more interesting, but doesn't ruin it for me. One thought on script....sometimes no words are better. or fewer words. A quick example....when he tells him to use the gun....It would be more dramatic if it were written with fewer words and he just pointed towards the glove box, other guy opens it, pulls the gun out or closes glovebox and they exchanged a knowing look. look for those opportunities rather than characters explaining. Just a quick suggestion. Great job!

this was really cool, good acting and very good fight choreography! Would like to see more character development, but you should make this a web series. I buy that the one dude actually wants to open a cupcake store because he will meet lots of girls and it's a hot business model right now (both of which are legit reasons lol), but using it later as a punchline doesn't work for me, seems a little cliche and Tarantino-derived. but that's my only issue.

Great comments Donna and Dave, yeah theres a few things that need tweaking and learned so much from this experience. We used 3 cameras and one of whom was shooting at 720p and with a complete different white balance....had to fix issues~! Thanks!

Alle, if those 5 sec 'films' are an example of your work, I believe Hallmark are looking for writers.

Alle, I totally agree that growth comes from understanding your weaknesses, but to me it felt as if you were closed off to only noticing the bad, which is fine, but when you are advising someone, you should say what was good and what was bad. On your first comment, you only talked about the bad as if you didnt even give it a chance, completely closed off. Now, that may be my personal opinion. A filmmaker is only as good as your last work, and what you are showing on your profile are those iphone clips which of whom half the clip composed of text and your name stating it to be a "film". Now, I went on google to try to find some of your work and I came across your imdb page filled with credits and your twitter page stating that you are a "Multi Award Winning Producer/Director, Writer, Actress and Cinematographer" which sounds great, but I can't find any pertinent films to be watched. I would love to see your professional work and learn from what you have done, since you clearly know what good and what's awful to watch. Looking forward to seeing your links on this thread! Thanks :)

Nice! I like it. Definitely feels like there could be more to it, like it wants to be a feature or series, especially given the title 'Keelos', since the Keelos gang has less screen time and these 5 minutes seem less about them and more about Max and Jax. Great setup and payoff with the photo. That was funny.

Your Technical Skill's and Direction are Excellent, Trailer to be use to raise funds ?

Thanks Jeffrey and Henry! We never know for the future, hopefully we can develop something someday!

Spoken like a True Champeen AIM LOW, SHOOT HIGH, When swimming with Sharks, pretend your just Swimming, but really your out to Bag Him... - Your Humbleness Shows Your Intense Confidence in your ability - Henry

There's a lot of dramatic fun you could have with those black boxes.

Thanks Henry, I see that you have a good eye on things, you're nobody's fool! :)

What kind of cup cakes?

that was sweet!

Hey really good job for 4 hours and no budget! I thought your camera work was very professional. The beginning seemed a little rushed, with the city animation and explanations of what's going on. But really good job. The guy with the braids - he is a great actor, very believable dialog delivery, I expect to seem him in other stuff. Good casting!

Very nice! 4 hours, impressive. I liked the camera work, and nice editing with the fight scene, which i enjoyed being a martial artist. And one final comment, I don't care who you are or how tough you are, nobody can make the word "cupcake" sound bad-ass. Good Job!

Thanks everyone for the comments, means a lot to me!

welcome patrick

I love cupcakes too!!!

For a first timer, this is great work. Be encouraged because your first short is better than some features I have seen.

this was really good, i enjoyed watching it a lot! it looks great too, what did you shoot on? who did the graphics?

This looks damn good!! It pays to have someone behind the Camara that knows what they're doing.

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all the feedback!

Thank you Emily!

Like it. Very familiar with this subject matter in your city. If you eve want to read a true story about the business let me now.

Dude for 4 hours this was awesomesauce.

Thank you Jean-Pierre, trust me if I had a bit more time and a budget, it could have been much better! :)

Nice. DP did a great job!!

Nice effects during the fighting segment. Excellent!

"Did you post that shit on the internet?" Lol, nice short Patrick.

Thanks guys! Gotta keep producing!

realistic fight scene... nice.

4 hours?! Wow! You should definitely look into making this into something bigger. Take a look at the IPF link that I sent you!!!

Enjoyed. Crisp and Witty. Doesn't look zero budget. Could definitely prolong the idea, as James suggests. With an Inept sidekick , thinking mainly of his stomach, trouble will never be far away! LOL.

This was nice and feels like more. I want to see some more.

I liked this. The intro was nice I like the visual effects and how they played with the commentary. The Cameraman was also good and I'm guessing you used grading software or something like Magic Bullet looks for the final grade. It was nice. The best thing for me was the fight sequence it was a reel as any of scene on any a Blockbuster sterling wok.

Dope !!! My network has gone public on the Roku platform DENT damage entertainment netwerk television. We are potentially looking to add/feature short films on on network. Check us out on the Roku before making any decicision. Contact me here on stage 32 or DentDamage_TV@aol.com. Would also like to add you to my network here and LinkedIn, if you're there as well. Thanks for your time and keep grinding !! Indikator

Hey everyone, here is a new version of it, I'm a little bit of a perfectionist and had to change a few things. Cheers! https://vimeo.com/128447767

This has the wow factor. (I was first to comment on original). The opening is grabbing because it is so refreshing to have no irritating opening music, and the husky voice with the cityscape "domino" backdrop, draws me in. It seems much more of a personal intro, striking an immediate cord, to want to know more. As for the film, I've already said it all. Naturally funny sidekick too, where he ineptly puts his successful "score" out on the net, MAX AND JAX......bring on more!

Great opening!