Your Stage : 10 page, technically 11 page by John Mansell Jr

John Mansell Jr

10 page, technically 11 page

My first script and I am wondering what you all think. Uploaded PDF under Loglines.

John Mansell Jr

Sorry I meant for the post to read My first feature length, its 120 pages just dropped the first 11 pages to get a feel from everyone.

Dan MaxXx

Your script has a fantastic first paragraph. I was visually excited. Then, the setup/story fell apart with VO and non-stop talking. Page after page of talking heads. I stopped reading at page 6.

Anne Devina Reeve

Mm must take a look ..

Owen Mowatt

Lacking description for me. For example, you say one character is "looking out at Old Citadel"....but don't tell us what it looks like? Is this set in some future?

It's also a good example of two people taking isn't necessarily dialogue. It all feels too forced to me.

John Mansell Jr

Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate you all taking time to read it. It is great having a place like this to get honest feedback.

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