Screenwriting : Descriptions by Robert Broad

I agree with you Sam, the question came out of some feedback I received that my descriptions were 'straight forward' but lacked the intricate details.... which I thought was a strange comment.

This is a tough one for sure. I try to write short but be conscious of always using the exact word for describing something, i.e. instead of "car" I write "rusty Honda Civic", instead of "house" I write "white ranch", "coffee" becomes "Mocha Latte" etc. What kind of choices people make in everyday life says something about their character and personality.

The question's vague so you'll get mixed answers. If two blokes walk into a pub, you needn't describe it unless there's something out of the ordinary that makes a difference to the story/scene. If you're writing a futuristic sci-fi, you'd best let us know at least the basics so that we can envision the world the story takes place in. If you mean character descriptions, then see the pub example above. I hope that this helps a little.

Robert, it's about concise description. Our art is creating pictures in the reader's mind.Give the reader enough for them to make an image in their head but don't get flowery. Here's an example of mine (hope this is acceptable guys): _____ INT. STARBUCKS - DAY Moderately full mid-morning.  Soothing music complements the quiet chatter of the patrons.  In a corner by the window, Madeline and Josie sit in leather armchairs.  Madeline is in her trim-fitting black business suit; Josie looks like she got dressed in the dark. _____ Don't think you need much more - it's the director & creative team's job to "fill in the blanks"

Whatever Guru that was, it was bad advice easily disproven when you read that stack of screenplays before you attempted to write one. I've posted this article from my site here before: http://www.scriptsecrets.net/articles/descrptn.htm

Thanks guys, the point of the question was to open up discussion based on a comment I received.

Ambiance introducing characters without getting too visual is what I try to do. This is just a personal mindset I developed for myself learning and listening to others. I think you have to nail the ambiance of the introduction of characters but I perceive it as not really detailed description but more of a generalized description. It's hard not to write the introduction of characters too visual and detailed because at least for me, I want to write this more visual which equals more detailed. Just an opinion of one always wanting to learn. Interesting post to open a discussion.

I tended to overwrite the descriptions, but now I write what I write and then go back later and decide whether or not any given piece of information is vital to the story (e.g., mood, tone, obstacle, tension, etc) or to understanding a character (e.g., bkgd, emotional state, etc)...if it doesn't directly impact or facilitate story or character, out it comes.

Hi. This is a very interesting point, about how much of a description you give of your characters, indeed, of location and other aspects also. I have read differing accounts of this. In my own experience of screenwriting, I would find it hard to fill 80 or so pages of a feature film without describing the events, or the characters in more than a few words. One bit of advice I read was that there should be lots of white space on your page!

What you write for yourself in first drafts is completely your own business, but as you do following drafts, you're not writing for yourself any more. And that's when descriptions need to be as brief as possible, but still capture the "feel" of the story.

Wow, which screenwriting gurus have you been reading/talking to? Everything I've seen of advice from the pros says to keep descriptions minimal, because film and TV are a visual medium rather than a written one. I try to describe only enough for the crew to "set the stage" as the story needs the setting to be, plus any specific details the story requires: stating that with one hand the protagonist drums his fingers on his desk to distract the antagonist, while with his other hand he hides a key in his seat cushion for his sidekick to find. For whatever it's worth, that's my guiding principle: put in only enough descriptive info to serve the story.

Hi Richard and Molly, Thank you so much for your comments. I am much clearer now. Obviously the "guru" who wrote the advice, was not a guru after all. Kind regards, Kathleen.

I had read William Martell's article (above) when he posted it, and adopted his technique. I like how it's working very much. Thanks, William!

Can you give us an example?

I'd go with the advice from the screenwriters who are working as screenwriters...

Write just enough so the reader can experience/visualise the movie you intended

I write what I feel is appropriate and with a bit of a view point of where its going... Is it one i'm doing as director, or is it going to a producing team i've worked with, or am i just trying to option it to some unknown client...

If a guru told you that they ain't no guru.

Just for the record, as I attempted to explain in one of the comments, I raised the issue as a discussion point only... Although for that, it was successful. Coming from TV, my descriptions are brief and to the point to allow the art director to do their part of the collaboration.

Actually, Robert, your descriptions are not brief and to the point, you waffle a little - some of your dialogue is too long - David Dennison after 17 lines on page 7, is followed by Peter Franklin with 43 lines on pages 8 and 9 - no offence, but in my humble opinion there is room for considerable diluting - most, if not all, of your dialogue is REAL, as opposed to REEL - again, no offence, but after reading your profile I had expected a much tighter script - you know, "show not tell" - "economy of words" - "less is more" - this is only an observation, cheers.

You are right Chanel, those sections of dialogue have already been changed in the latest draft which I haven't uploaded yet. Thank you for reading it.

I wasn't trying to be a pain, Robert, I just felt it needed to be addressed and I'm pleased you have attended to the matter already - we are here to assist each other, so I felt compelled to put my two bob's worth in - look forward to having a look at your latest draft - as I wrote before, I admire your courage to open your script to public scrutiny, well done, your screenplay can only get better.

It's OK Chanel, I hadn't heard from you for a while and wondered what you were up to lately. I have no problem with constructive criticism because it helps improve the outcome. It's when destructive comments are posted that this forum stops being what it was created for.

If one feedback says 'do this' then I take it into consideration, if 2 say it then it might be true. Screenwriting is highly subjective, so I wouldn't let this comment necessarily make you change your script too much

I don’t know just how to explain it but I try to write scene descriptions that are simpatico or supportable to the characters. I write in a much abbreviated style, limiting action to no more than three lines. There’s nothing that bugs me more that on-running exposition.