Screenwriting : Does my logline tell enough? by Louella M Reynolds

Louella M Reynolds

Does my logline tell enough?

Just finished my first Sci-Fi - does this logline give enough information? When the Devil unleashes his daughter and her demon brothers on New Orleans, it takes the photogopher who unwittingly pulled the demons in, an old voodoo woman, and a bishop to save the day.

Rachel Miranda Jones

Sure this is "sci-fi"?

Alan Rubinoff

Sounds more Horror than Sci-fi to me.

Louella M Reynolds

The demons were brought in as images through the photographer's camera while he was doing a photo shoot using the daughter as the model, and the deomons cannot be eliminated by weapons. The demons are ultimately trapped in mirrors, and the mirrors smashed, to get rid of them.

Lisa Clemens

Still sounds like horror. Horror can be supernatural in nature while science fiction has some basis in science and technology (it's not just space stories)

Crystal L. Smithwick

Does it have to be scifi? I agree with everyone else that it reads as a horror. It's very intriguing.

Chanel Ashley

I see the purpose of a logline as BAIT - why tell us the ending/resolution? - "an old voodoo woman, and a bishop to save the day." - "... a photographer, an old voodoo woman, a bishop, who will save the day?" - at least there is a question mark, an element of doubt re the ending.

Rachel Miranda Jones

I wonder if you could work the business with the photo shoot into it, somehow? I mean more than just mentioning that a photographer had something to do with things. It's an interesting touch, I think.

Louella M Reynolds

Thank you all for the valuable input. I was thinking Sci-Fi because of the camera angle. As for the logline, I'll make a change to: When the Devil unleashes his daughter and her demon brothers on New Orleans, will the photographer who unwittingly pulled the demons in and the old voodoo woman be able to save the day?

Shelley Stuart

I agree, this is definitely horror. But I see a contradiction in "the Devil unleashes" (which implies the Devil is the one who sent his minions) and "the photographer who unwittingly pulled the demons in" (which implies they got through by accident. I'm not great at loglines in general, but I will throw out a few ideas: -- When the Devil unleashes his three demon children on New Orleans (tightens that intro) -- a [adjective] photographer, a [descriptor] voodoo woman, and [adjective] bishop must -- [overcome a challenging or seemingly impossibly task] -- to save the day. I'm not a fan of the question mark ending, since it feels coy and doesn't tell the ending. A story like this could go either way and I want to know before I read the story if it's going to be one or the other. But that's just me.

Rachel Miranda Jones

And now you see the perils of asking for advice...

Louella M Reynolds

Asking for advice.... I see as 'the way others look at your work' - which is possibly the way a producer would look at it. The advice has been very helpful. How about this change for the logline? When a photographer has the Devil's daughter as his model, he unwittingly helps her unleash three demon brothers on New Orleans and needs the help of an old voodoo woman to save the day.

Dave McCrea

Cool concept. A photographer, unaware that his model is the devil's daughter, unwittingly unleashes the devil's children in New Orleans and teams up with a voodoo lady to stop them.

Dave McCrea

Alle is way too harsh. The conflict is obvious. The devil's kids are out there doing devilish things. The cops don't believe or are ineffective. The protag is the photographer, and his sidekick is the voodoo lady, right? The movie is clear, with a fresh take on the inciting incident. Simple yet different idea. But as always it's all about the execution. Good luck with it!

Stacey Bradford Schaller

Dave McRea's log line example looks good. Quick. Clean -- and leaves one asking for more. :) Give it a try -- with his permission, of course. ;)

Louella M Reynolds

That's okay, Alle - understood - I felt it was Sci-Fi because the daughter's 'brothers' are pulled into New Orleans through the photographs. The Devil's daughter, Tisiphone, manifested herself and became the model for VooDoo Perfume which gave her the opportunity to bring in the others - she is the protagonist. She takes the souls of mankind as her 'brothers' take the flesh of mankind. The ad campaign has the photos transformed to billboards - which are the base for the demons to come and go. Hency, the military cannot harm the demons as they are images - not flesh. The old voodoo woman plays a part throughout, waring the photographer of the impending doom - and when it happens - he seeks her out for her help. They capture the demons in mirrors and destroy them - except for the daughter who is too smart to fall for the trick & escapes to return another day. I hope this clarifies the situation. I now realize that is it more Horror than Sci-Fi. And - Thank You, Dave - you hit the logline on the nail head. All of your input is appreciated.....

Beth Fox Heisinger

Hey Louella, your logline as it stands now is a bit confusing. It's a little muddled and the protagonist is unclear. Right now, I'd say the Devil is the protagonist. He's the active one in your logline -- unleashing his children. It also seems to be missing a sense of intrigue. As others have commented, your genre choice is also confusing. It seems it should be horror, not science fiction. Anyway, the following is just an example, a possibility... Perhaps adding more clarity and horror mystic to your logline would be helpful. ---- "When a photographer discovers his new muse is more than she appears, he inadvertently unleashes the devil's children and must team up with a bishop and a voodoo priestess to stop hell from rising." ---- Best of luck with your script!

Louella M Reynolds

Thanks Beth.... I do realize that it is not Sci-Fi ... Horror would be the genre. I have also noted everyone's help and have come up with this logline that I think helps clarify the story. When a photographer unknowingly uses the Devil's daughter as a model, he unwittinly helps her unleash demons on New Orleans and needs the help of an old voodoo woman to correct his wrong. Again - thank you everyone for the help.... much appreciated.

Beth Fox Heisinger

Louella, I just saw your previous post -- I missed it before for some reason? -- anyway, I was shocked to read that actually the devil's daughter is the protagonist of your story! What?! Wow, your logline really needs to be rewritten. That is not clear at all. And, no, none of us have "hit the logline on the nail head." We all assumed the photographer was the protagonist trying to stop the devil's children. Now, you are saying your script is from the point of view of the devil's daughter ( as the protagonist), right? If so, then the photographer, the bishop and the voodoo lady are the antagonists? I will say... it is much more interesting to have a story written from a hellion point of view rather than the usual good guy's. However, make sure your logline better reflects your script. I think you may need to roll up your sleeves and get back to work. :) Again, all the best!

Louella M Reynolds

Thanks, Beth.... I see that my work is far from done.... much appreicated.

Louella M Reynolds

I stand corrected! The protagonist is the photographer. And the antagonist is the daughter and demons. I have re-written the logline one more time - and I think I'll put it all away in a drawer for a while and start over when my head clears of the cobwebs.... When a photographer unknowingly uses the Devil's daughter as a model and unwittingly assists her in unleashing demons on New Orleans, he nelists the help of an old voodoo woman in hopes of stopping hell's destruction. Everyone's comments are appreciated.... good group of helpful people!

Shelley Stuart

Now it sounds like a logline.

Louella M Reynolds

Thanks, Shelley - but I have reduced it a bit more: When a photographer unwittingly assists the Devil's daughter in unleashing demons on New Orleans, he enlists the help of an old voodoo woman in hopes of stopping hell's rampage.

Adam McCulloch

The other thing to consider is whether the logline actually communicates the story. The logline suggests that the script itself has several confused desire lines. Once you have a killer logline make sure to go back and be sure that the script lives up to it.

David Kurtz

I think there's TMI. try something simpler like: When the Devil unleashes his demon children on New Orleans, it takes a photogopher, an old voodoo woman, and a bishop to save the day.

Nanette L. Baird

Impactive!

Louella M Reynolds

Thanks, David....I certainly have a lot of good input to work with... much appreciate.

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