Screenwriting : Group opinion please. by Craig D Griffiths

Craig D Griffiths

Group opinion please.

I have a script set in an alternate universe. There are phones in this universe.

In Australia we call them “Mobile Phones”, in the USA I think they are referred as “Cell Phones”.

In my universe they are called “Walk Arounds”. I also refer to them as Walk Arounds in the action as well. No where in the script does “cell” or “mobile” appear.

My writing is consistent to the universe. Any opinions? Thanks.

Stephen Floyd

How do the phones figure into the story? Chekhov would argue, unless a walk around explodes and kills a character, that detail is unnecessary. Interesting, but unnecessary.

Jeff Caldwell

If it's clear through action that it's basically a futuristic cell phone, I say it's fine to use the term. It isn't unnecessary if it's used for world building.

Beth Fox Heisinger

As long as it is clear and consistent seems fine, but do not capitalize. We do not capitalize "mobile phone" or "cell phone"—these are general terms, not proper nouns. If in your script's alternate universe you are using "walk arounds," in the same general way, it would not be capitalized. Another thing, as a noun walkaround is typically one word or hyphened, walk-around. Dunno if that's the same or holds a different meaning in Australia? Maybe double-check spellings and/or forms. ;)

Craig D Griffiths

The world is desolate steam punkish. Stephen Floyd The phones are throughout the story. They are an item of desire and status.

Jeff Caldwell I think I have made it clear. I hope anyway. I was hoping that the consistency between the characters talking and me talking to the reader would be immersive.

Beth Fox Heisinger My editor has a hard job. I can tell stories, describe shots and do it as quick as possible. Correct english, boy do I suck at that.

Thanks guys

Rutger Oosterhoff

I would call it my mobile phone my "precious".

The dialog could be something like this:

"Where's your "precious"?... Where is she?" "Do you mean my girlfriend?" "No, I mean your mobile phone! You idiot!" "No-no -no-relax-we mean the same thing. My mobile phone 'is' my Girlfriend. Just broke up with EX-O-WORLD--1984-PRT. We weren't compatible anymore...also divorced my wife because she could not afford the new EX-O-WORLD--1984-PRT-S model. I could not show myself with her in public anymore --- have to think about my reputation..." But knowing we could be talking a DESOLATE WORLD -- with only a 1000 people 'counted' alive. A 'Totalitarian State' where even the powerful are just 'a number'. A State in which only the 'elite' with an "I rule" mode on their mobile phones determines who lives or dies; my mobile phone would be "Hellraiser-666" -- and "The One-667" just lost his number...

... It has been a long and bloody battle... but I prevailed – I’m unique now; the one and only “Hellraiser” – all-powerful – with no one to share my might.

Tasha Lewis

Appropriate parallel since people communicate while walking.

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