Screenwriting : Logline Feedback by April Mae Berza

April Mae Berza

Logline Feedback

Can you revisit my loglines and kindly give constructive feedback to them? I really think there are many loopholes and inconsistencies. Also, I'll gladly revisit yours, too. I'll add my honest opinion to what you are currently working on, if there is any. Thanks a lot!

Eoin O'Sullivan

Hi April,

Gabriel - it's not clear what the conflict is and what's at stake for Gabriel?

New World Order - while the premise sounds interesting, the logline format is a series of statements and questions. Who is the protagonist, what is their goal, who or what is the major conflict to that goal, what are the stakes if they don't get it?

April Mae Berza

Hi, Eoin,

Yes, I should be clear with these. Will revise my loglines accordingly. Thank you for giving your honest opinions about them! I appreciate them a lot!

Phil Clarke

Hi April. If you'd like some assistance with your logline writing (it's a tricky beast to get right), then do get in touch. A while back I put together a logline helpsheet for my clients, which has been beneficial to them.

Anthony Moore

Hi April. In my humble opinion, here are my thoughts on your loglines:

Gabriel - Not enough detail. What issues does an Angel falling in love with a mortal pose? Why her? What was he doing on earth? Why would it interfere with his mission?

New World Order - No protagonist. People have sent me notes like this where they setup all this political intrigue but no hero, no structure, no story. Who are we supposed to cheer for. What problems does this structure pose for them? Stories are about people, not political climates, unless there's a specific issue with that climate that affects them.

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