Your Stage : Logline feedback by Joe Thayer

Joe Thayer

Logline feedback

Just posted a new logline. Any thoughts and feedback appreciated.

"An odd young man, prone to fantasy and hallucinations, latches onto a beautiful hustler, and her crew. When a botched deal pits the crew against each other, he must choose to save the girl he loves or give in to despair."

You can rate it here if you have a moment: https://www.stage32.com/profile/680714/Screenplay/A-Girl-To-love-2

Anthony Moore

I think its a bit wordy and doesn't really raise the stakes enough. Just my opinion. Try this one:

"A young daydreamer falls in love with a beautiful hustler but when her biggest score goes south, he must put his own life on the line to save hers."

Joe Thayer

Thanks Anthony! Appreciate your input.

Other topics in Your Stage:

register for stage 32 Register / Log In