FADE IN:
TOETAN JULES, master of all dogs and cats confronting a DOG and its CAT LOVER in a local Pup packed with CATS and DOGS -- doing their business; reading the PAPER upside down, chatting away, having conversations that go nowhere, until....:
CAMERA MOVES OVER TO Toetan Jules - who talks BUSINESS - not USELESS CHIT-CHAT --
TOETAN JULES
"Well there's this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the RIGHTEOUS DOG is beset on all sides by the inequities of the SELFISH and the TYRANNY of EVIL CATS. Blessed is the CAT who, in the name of CHARITY AND GOOD WILLl, -SHEPHERDS- the DOGS through the VALLEY OF DARKNESS. For this CAT is truly his DOG-BROTHER KEEPER and the finder of LOST PUPPIES. And I will STRIKE DOWN upon thee with GREAT VENGEANCE and FURIOUS ANGER those who attempt to POISON and DESTROY my BROTHER-DOG. And you will know I am THE LORD OF CATS when I LAY MY VENGEANCE upon you." I been sayin' that CAT SHIT for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your DOG ASS. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was some COLD-BLOODED SHIT to say to a DOG before I POPPED A CAP. I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. SEE NOW I'M THINKING ', maybe it means you're the EVIL DOG. And I'm the RIGHTEOUS CAT. And Mr. 9 Millimeter here, he's the shepherd protecting my RIGHTEOUS in the VALLEY OF DARKNESS. Or it could mean you're the RIGHTEOUS DOG and I'm the SHEPHERD CAT and it's a CATS' WORLD THAT'S EVIL AND SELFISH. Now I'd like that. - BUT THAT SHIT AINT THE TRUTH- . The truth is you're the WEAK. And I'm the TYRANNY OF EVIL CATS. But I'm tryin', "Ringo". I'm tryin' real hard to be a SHEPHERD CAT."
CUT TO BLACK
OPEN ON:
CAT OWNER
"Toetaaaaaaan-Tooetaaaaaan -- come eat your 'cooked beef'. Yes, nice kitty... "
TOETAN
"Nice, NICE?!! . It's that you feed me, MAN, otherwise I 'would' have "BEEF" with you and shoot your ugly head clean of."
CAT OWNER
"Toetaaaan ...Are you talking to yourself again, come on my little princess.