Screenwriting : TV Teasers by Carlos Pena

If you trust the person who told you it was too busy then there might be some truth to it. On the other hand YOU are the writer and you know what's best for your pilot. Allow me to be the "glass-half-full" guy; if the pilot is excellent a teaser will not hold you back. A network will do a page one re-write anyway so you if they don't like the teaser you have you can offer them the other one. For now, keep the one YOU feel works best.

This is a really cool question to me for a lot of reasons. I think that maybe the best answer I could give would be to go watch a bunch of shows that you love and see what they do. But I'm gonna talk a little more than that. So I've written a bunch of TV scripts. Specs mostly. But a couple pilots in the mix. And the teaser is one of my favorite things to do. I think that a great teaser is one that launches your story out of a cannon. To me, that doesn't necessarily mean that there need be an OMG moment to go out on, although it can. But in a pilot teaser, I think you wanna do four things: introduce The Central Character, hook us into The Central Plot of the show, make me care about those two things, and do it all while establishing what the tone of your show is going to be. What you do to accomplish those things is really entirely up to you. (I'll give you an example. In the pilot script that I'm currently sending out, the teaser doesn't end with an OMG. It's all about the world the story takes place inside. It establishes the central team and how they relate to one another. It sets up what they do. There's definitely humor in a really dark situation. It is only one scene. And then I get out.) So you got feedback that the draft with all the business was too busy? I'll ask this question about it. Does the business connect to the overall story? Does comedy exist in other parts of the script? Is the other character who you ended up removing someone who is only there for the teaser or is it someone who matters to the overall story? I'd say that if you really love the comedy and the business, then go back in with a fine-toothed comb and really ground it all inside the story. Make the whole teaser sequence into something that resonates on every page that follows it. If you do that, then nobody is going to say that it's too busy and you'll get to hang on to something you love. I'd also say this. Think about all the other notes that you got from this person who said it was too busy. Are they good notes? Did you think they mostly made sense and helped you improve your script? Because if it's somebody who said a lot of nonsense, this could also be nonsense. But if it's someone who was really smart and really right, then it's worth taking more seriously. Though no one is right 100% of the time. It's all very subjective. Even from our own point of view as writers. Sometimes you just have to cut something you love because it doesn't work. My advice is to spend some more time with it. See what you can do to make it better. Get some people who you really trust to take a look at it for you. And then see what ends up sticking.

D. Good points! ------- Kent, Thanks for the feedback. Last night I actually re-watched about 10 pilots to some old shows to observe Teaser Acts and also the introduction of the main character. I watched: Scandal, Almost Human, The Americans, Turn, Breaking Bad, Orphan Black, The Returned, Black Box, Revolution, etc. and got a pretty good sense that these Teasers were a glimpse of what to expect from the show. Personally, I really like the “OMG” moments. I don’t care too much for exposition in the Teaser. I want to see that Beth jumping in front of a train in Orphan Black kind of moments, that make me ask why? I opened this Pilot with a side character who helps thrust my main protagonist into the conflict. It was a simple page and a half, showing a funny moment or two. The secondary character in this scene isn't really relevant to the story at all, but I used him to create a back and forth bit. This was actually my third teaser. The original, was too bland. The second, created a butterfly effect which would have caused a bit of re-writing and editing in the second act and possibly even neuter another character completely. I've actually recently thought about another open which has intrigued me, but haven’t gotten around to hashing it out. The person’s notes are usually good, but this time I just have this gut feeling that the “quiet” open doesn't work here. So it’s bugging me.

I love the Orphan Black pilot! I think it's one of the most intriguing and enticing openings of a show in a really long time. Also, I think Shonda Rhimes is the master of the OMG moment. Every episode of Scandal starts with a fantastic teaser. Ultimately, I think the most important thing is that you're true to the show you're writing. So what's the overall tone you want to get across? If what you've got doesn't match or sticks out like a sore thumb, then find something else. But I would also say that you shouldn't be afraid of completely restructuring something if you think of something more interesting or better. I've done this plenty of times. A moment comes up in writing an individual scene where I go off the rails and end up somewhere else entirely. And the somewhere else is better but means that I have to rework everything else. It's hard to give up something that you love that is already written. But sometimes it can be the better choice. I'd say this is the first impression that people are going to get of your script and, hopefully one day, of your show. So you want the teaser to blow them away. Get it right. Then if you need to rework the later acts to fit with what you've done in the teaser, do that. You don't get to make a second first impression and you don't want anybody to get bored and stop reading.

If you're looking to a network to make your show then there's absolutely no point to writing anything beyond the pilot. I don't know why, Alle, you insist on telling people to write entire seasons.

Clearly the methods are very different in Aus than in the States. No show creator has written the whole first season of an American produced TV series before they even pitch it. That producers statement is foolish. Here in the States a pilot is written, cast and shot before any episodes are greenlighted.

Alle, I have my Series Bible written and know what happens over the arch of the entire season. D, I have never heard or read of any Series Creator writing 8,10,13, 22 or 25 episodes of his show before he/she sold a pilot. Matter fact, the only time I've read about a series creator writing a entire season of his or her show was True Detective's Nic Pizzolatto.

My partner has worked in TV (Martial Law, the pilot of the new Bionic Woman - lots more in the US as well as several Hong Kong shows) and when I told him about an idea for a pilot, even he knew enough about it to tell me to write only the pilot. He told me that unless you want to make TV your career, it's best to sell the pilot and get series creator credit then let the network assign a writing team to it.

I dunno Alle, I have read advice from many people who actually DO WORK IN TELEVISION and they all say the same thing. I suggest it is you who is receiving bad advice. But hey, you go on do your own thing. I'll take advice from people that matter.