Your Stage : Santa Claus Conquers The Martians by Michael Jacks Pitts

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Michael Jacks Pitts

Santa Claus Conquers The Martians

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was made back in 1964 and killed the career of many of it's cast. It is one of the worst children's and Christmas movies I have ever seen. The film is the story about Martians who are wondering why their children ae so bummed out. So they go talk to this crazy old man who lives in a cotton candy forest and he tells them they need a Santa Claus. So they decide to go to Earth and kidnap Santa. Along the way they stop an ask two kids for directions. They point them to the North Pole. They then take the kids with them because they have an anal probing quota to make. Afterwards the kids escape in the North Pole but are recaptured by a robot which later busts down Santa's door. Suddenly the robot turns into a giant toy for some unexplained reason. (I don't know, just go with it,) The Martians burst in and freeze the elves and Mrs. Claus before kidnapping Santa. They take off but are followed by a rocket from Earth which they never explain why they did not catch them by going all the way to Mars to retrieve Santa. (Again, I don't know, just go with it.) Once on Mars, Santa is told he will never return to Earth nor will the two children they also abducted. (Guess they need some Earthling pets) So they build Santa an automated workshop and he sets out making toys for the children of Mars. Meanwhile this dude who is unhappy with the idea of children playing and his henchmen are trying to figure out a way to put an end to Santa and the toys. At this point I am also upset about the lack of conquering that happens in this film. The title indicates that Santa was going to conquer Mars and enslave the planet's population. But no, it is about Santa being abducted and made to work in a factory for Mars. Rather misleading of a title if you ask me. After this turd hit theaters, only a few of the cast had anything of a success in the entertainment business. And the theme song to this is an assault to the ears. But you know us, we like bad things because we have fun with those. And this one is no exception. We riffed the hell out of it. So here is our Christmas present to you (You could guess we think you all have been naughty) as we wish you an yours Happy Holidays from Two Broke Rednecks.

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