is it wrong technically to have 2 characters in action on the same line such as: Bob reaches for the departing Betty. Or should it be more like: Betty starts to depart. Bob reaches for Betty.
There's no rule against mentioning multiple characters in the same piece of action. Do whatever you need to succinctly describe the necessary details. To me, "Bob reaches for Betty as she turns to leave" implies interrupting her motion, and would work well.
In school I was taught that starting a new line or paragraph indicated a new shot/angle. So I guess it depends on how you're seeing it play out in your head... or how you want the actors & directors (and READERS, producers, etc.) to see it.
I guess it would be: INT. COURTHOUSE - DAY Bob softly embraces Betty. BETTY: "I have to go." BOB: "Now?" BETTY: "Yes." Bob cautiously reaches toward the departing Betty. the above phrasing is to suggest Bob regrets her leaving but not enough to chase after her.
Bob then removes a revolver from his briefcase and shoots Betty in the back BANG BANG BANG. Seems much better than. Bob removes a revolver, takes aim and fires. The bullets strikes true and Betty falls face first. The second is clearly implying that those should be separate shots, but specifying these shots seems needless. Let the director decides how he wants to shoot the action. Meanwhile, describe the actions on the page in a manner that is succinct and compelling.
or would this 3rd example be okay. Betty hits the trail. Bob reaches for the departing Betty.
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No, there is nothing technically wrong with having two characters on the same action line.
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There's no rule against mentioning multiple characters in the same piece of action. Do whatever you need to succinctly describe the necessary details. To me, "Bob reaches for Betty as she turns to leave" implies interrupting her motion, and would work well.
2 people like this
In school I was taught that starting a new line or paragraph indicated a new shot/angle. So I guess it depends on how you're seeing it play out in your head... or how you want the actors & directors (and READERS, producers, etc.) to see it.
I guess it would be: INT. COURTHOUSE - DAY Bob softly embraces Betty. BETTY: "I have to go." BOB: "Now?" BETTY: "Yes." Bob cautiously reaches toward the departing Betty. the above phrasing is to suggest Bob regrets her leaving but not enough to chase after her.
Bob then removes a revolver from his briefcase and shoots Betty in the back BANG BANG BANG. Seems much better than. Bob removes a revolver, takes aim and fires. The bullets strikes true and Betty falls face first. The second is clearly implying that those should be separate shots, but specifying these shots seems needless. Let the director decides how he wants to shoot the action. Meanwhile, describe the actions on the page in a manner that is succinct and compelling.