William, a couple of basic issues to start. Fix typos, spelling and grammar issues. On the first page alone, your script seems to be littered with action contained within parentheticals. All action needs to be written as action and not included within dialogue. You need to address this because I doubt any reader will read past page one the way it’s currently laid out.
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William, a couple of basic issues to start. Fix typos, spelling and grammar issues. On the first page alone, your script seems to be littered with action contained within parentheticals. All action needs to be written as action and not included within dialogue. You need to address this because I doubt any reader will read past page one the way it’s currently laid out.