Hello Stage 32 community,
my name is Savas and I'm a student and screenwriting beginner as well.
I just wanted to ask you if you could check out my logline below and help me with some feedback?
It would be a great opportunity for me to improve my writing skills.
Thank you for your feedback in advance!
Best regards,
Savas
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“When an agoraphobe author from New York City falls for a high profile politician, he must overcome his fear in public before she moves away and he loses her forever.”
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Looks good! A bit lengthy but detailed. I like it! :)
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Well done. If you wanted to shorten it you could take out the "from New York City" and "in public"
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A bit complicated and some people wouldn't know what agoraphobe is. Try this:
An author suffering from the fear of being outdoors falls in love with a high profile public figure and must overcome his problem or lose her forever.
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Or, boiled down even further to 23 words:
'In love with a high profile politician, an author must overcome his fear of making public appearances with her or lose her forever.'
Doesn't matter much that it's agoraphobia he suffers from, as the net result is still the same - he has to go out to be by her side, and political spouses invetiably have to appear or the media speculates.
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Readers are idiots. I had to look up "agoraphobia" :)
"A hermit Author falls in love with a NYC politican and must overcome the fear of the outside. "
These days with skype and cheaper airfares, people dont go away forever. Im guessing these characters have money to travel. And how far does a NYC pol go? Washington DC?
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Thanks to everyone for the kind feedback and suggestions! This community seems to be perfect for connecting filmmakers all around the world! :)