Screenwriting : My First Script Review by Mitch Bechtold

I just received my first Blcklst script review (I'll do a Stage 32 one next time), and although I knew submitting it, that there would still be some work to do, I'm glad to get somebody's eyes on it, and even more excited that the reviews are pretty positive.

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STRENGTHS

- "There's something that's just plain fun about being embedded with our leads here. Between Bash, Kelly, and Luke, we just want to be part of their clique. There are no shortage of laughs throughout these pages as the script takes on the tone of a more grounded 'Workaholics' or even a fresh, millennial-populated version of Mike Judge's 'Office Space'."

- "Ultimately, the authors are able to ground the premise in a familiar reality while still giving us the escapism we're looking for in a comedy like this."

WEAKNESSES

- "The script, in terms of its structure, fails to assemble the hallmarks of what the series will consist of on an episode-by-episode basis, and thus falls short of realizing its full potential."

- "In terms of the characters, we could understand to a greater degree what they want out of life -- personally and professionally. Without any sense of goals aside from paying rent (or bills, or debts) the obstacle of unemployment doesn't feel as daunting as it otherwise could."

PROSPECTS

- "There's a lot to be proud of in these pages and the authors demonstrate a unique an original comedic voice here. Unfortunately, the script still needs work at this juncture in order to make a splash in the market. But within the current framework of characters and concept, with a focused rewrite, the piece could improve by leaps and bounds."

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CONCLUSION

- I want to save some of the character traits to be explored in future episodes, but understanding that this is the pilot episode, the audience needs a lot more information right away in order to become invested in their adventures. My biggest task going forward will be raising the stakes for my characters early on so that we can see and understand why they are doing the things they do. We are all scared about losing our jobs, but what is it specifically that drives my characters forward towards their goal. Going into this I was most worried about my conversations not feeling natural, but from friends (and this review), they all appreciated how pedestrian the characters spoke, and how authentic and funny the banter felt.

There overall scores are pretty middle of the road, but the review seems more praiseworthy, so I'm going to focus more on that and stay motivated that the scores will improve with some more attention to detail.

(I'm not too worried).

Here's to next time!