Hey all! I'm working on editing an original TV pilot I had written to get it ready for entry to some competitions and I was hoping I could get some feedback on my logline. I've tweaked it several times and would love to get some suggestions, if available. As always, I really appreciate the help and guidance I've gotten here! You all are a lifeline! And if anyone wants to read the script, I'd be happy to send it out.
This is what I currently have for a logline:
Following a childhood encounter with a haunted house, an enthusiastic paranormal investigator and her reluctant best friend battle the supernatural for those with nowhere else to turn.
And this is what I used to have: Fueled by a childhood encounter with a haunted house, a novice paranormal investigator and her reluctant best friend battle the supernatural for those with nowhere else to turn.
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A novice ghost hunter and her debbie-downer best friend battle supernatural forces hellbent on destroying planet Earth.
In the pilot episode, 'those with nowhere else to turn' equals an older woman who thinks her house is haunted but no one believes her. So it's your average person who doesn't know where to go for help with the paranormal.