Just wanted to let you know that after reading several of the screenplays I've found here at Stage 32 (through browsing loglines), I've spent the last four days editing the four scripts I've turned in- removing CUT TO'S, references to ANGLES, and even stripping references to SHOTS.
The revised, thinned-down scripts are now here on Stage 32.
Thanks so much for everything you're doing!
Just one more thing: I can't wait to pitch these projects through Stage 32...but I'm not sure how much money I need to pay to pitch. (I just want to be prepared!)
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Hey Jim, Congrats on the effort it takes to have four screenplays ready to pitch. Well done. Besides using other scripts on S32 as a reference, have you also sought out professional feedback on your stuff? I highly advise you do before you start pitching.
Thanks, Phil!
I've been corresponding with one of the directors of the 2012 documentary "The Entertainers," Michael Zimmer (he's also a screenwriting instructor at National University in La Jolla, CA). He's swamped right now, but he'll be able to get back to me in a couple of months. (Looking forward to it!)
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Jim. I just glanced at one of your screenplays and suggest your remove ACT 1 etc. Also you need to let the people making the film know if it is going to be a DAY or NIGHT shoot in your scene headings. Also you don't need to describe how tall someone is or whatever if it has nothing to do with your story. Good luck!
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Good job!
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Jim, Dan is right about character description. Here's a quote that I hope helps, "When introducing characters in a script, focus less on physical description, and more on their psychological nature." - Scott Myers.
Btw, you can follow Scott on MEDIUM.com where he offers lots of free tips on everything script writing. Hope this helps a little. Oh, and Stage 32 pitch are great/economical $35. I've done about four live and one written. Focus on the soul of your story. The live pitch are only 8 minutes long, so that in itself is a challenge, but it really trains you to stay concise, like an elevator logline, that you would have memorized, if you ever meet Spielberg in an elevator. So they say.
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Jim, I would highly highly suggest getting real feedback from a professional. Taking a quick glance at the script, it's not ready yet to start pitching and submitting. Dont rush the process. Id be happy to work with you over at www.nobullscript.net. Keep your passion and excitement, but you need to work further on the craft before you're ready to pitch.
Happy to talk privately about your scripts, Jim. By all means message me anytime. Agree with Danny's key points and for your information also provide professional analysis at www.philmscribe.com
Danny, thanks for the comment! Duly noted!
I work in a plastics factory when I'm not performing or trying to write scripts...and that factory has a lot of corporate clients, so before I pack something to get shipped, that item had better be flawless.
Same way with screenwriting. (After all, the difference between "PASS" and "REQUEST" is razor-thin.)
Dan, thanks for your comment, too!
I broke these scripts up into acts because I was hoping to get them aired on Lifetime, Hallmark, and/or Disney Channel. I got the format from a 1978 book called "The Television Writer's Handbook," by Constance Nash and Virginia Oakey. (I'm sure showing my age, I'll tell you that!) On Page 68, Oakey and Nash wrote that a 120-minute teleplay should be divided into six acts.
If that still flies with the executives at Disney, Hallmark, and Lifetime, I'll still use it.
If not, I'll gladly cut the use of acts out.
Dan, thanks again! This is one of the reasons I wanted to hook up with Stage 32!
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Time to update the reference books, Jim!
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Yes, Danny, I understand.
To be honest with you, this past Thursday was one of the most horrible days I've ever had. (I hope you don't mind if I vent.)
Until yesterday, we had less than ideal atmospheric conditions here in Omaha. I couldn't get in my car until I bought a new battery for the car's remote key lock. And then the workday I underwent was the absolute pits, with coworkers constantly on my back for every little thing.
On top of that, Danny, I was unable to get your message ("Jim, you're not ready") out of my mind. (Still, facts are facts. The truth is the truth.)
I'm reworking my scripts at this very moment so that I can get to the point where I'm DAMN WELL ABLE TO PROVE TO ONE AND ALL that I'm ready to pitch.
I've been going online to get the latest information...because I'm so DAMN afraid of one single mistake. That's how I was brought up...mainly by the very first alcoholic I ever met in my life.
My mother.
I WON'T PUT UP ANY REVISED MATERIAL AGAIN UNTIL IT'S ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. And when it is, I'll gladly get it up on this site.
I'm sorry for venting like this. I'm NOT going to hide my feelings.
Thank you for your time.
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Jim. You have only written four screenplays so don’t beat yourself up. I learned from an outdated how to book so I went through the exact same thing and had to go back and fix my screenplays. Also, don’t get obsessed with trying to make your screenplays perfect because there is no such thing as a perfect screenplay.
I read a few pages of your RIVERTOWN ROCK! screenplay because I wrote a similar one for Michael Z. Gordon. Michael is a screenwriter, producer, musician and composer. He started his groups, The Marketts, The Routers back in the 1960’s.
Like your character he started his first band when he was in high school with Phil Spector of all people. They were both into music, but I wouldn’t call them friends. Michael told me Spector was weird even back then. Anyway, Michael quit his band to write music after opening for the Beatles in Arizona and that is where my screenplay ended. When Michael asked me to write the screenplay, I decided to do it like American Graffiti meets That Thing you do! He liked it and something must’ve happened because it never got made.
Keep on writing and don’t worry about making mistakes because that is how people learn. Good luck!
get some info on audience too