Screenwriting : Your 5-second pitch by Paul Zeidman

5 DAYS - Thriller. A young girl is trapped inside a house with a troubled man.

NFL super star hooks up with a mysterious blonde bombshell and her edgy friends in a "Nawlins" dive bar on a Bourbon Street Friday night.

3 teenage girls walk home from school. One of them trips on a gun and picks it up.

TIMESMITH - (Feature - Sci-fi) "Two idiots on the run from a drug cartel, are rescued by a man claiming to re-forge mistakes in time, and he must figure out which one of the pair is the most important person in the universe before reality starts to unravel."

"Rivertown Rock!" (comedy)

What were YOU doing on February 9, 1964?

Sorry, Paul...I just can't help myself. Hope it's all right to bring out another five-second pitch.

Well...here goes:

"Andrea" (comedy)

Teaching hookers new tricks.

BLOOD ALONE - Clerks meets The Lost Boys set in a comic book shop.

Just finishing first draft of:

Be Worth It - an ex-addict learns that if you carry someone long enough they forget how to stand.

REGGIE & REINHARDT - comedy, sitcom. A contemporary Laurel and Hardy, written and directed in the style of The Coen Brothers.

The Method - dark comedy thriller. A struggling actress becomes the personal assistant to an award winning deep method actor who is preparing for the role of a serial killer.

AFFILIATED - family drama. A teenage girl's love affair with a member of the gang that murdered her father.

WEB OF DECEPTION - A con man gets conned into paying for his own hit.

DARK HEART - Horror/Thriller. When a kind and balanced family man gets transplanted the heart of a serial killer after a heart failure, death drives slowly emerge from within leading him to fear for his love ones.

BULLY - Four friends trapped in their old school must outwit the man whose childhood they ruined.

Some great stuff in here.

Just to reiterate - You want to really pique the other person's interest. Give us the concept - the core idea behind your story (e.g. "New York cop takes on terrorists in an LA highrise on Christmas"). NOT the logline. Look at some of the examples listed throughout.

THE FINAl SOLUTION - SS-oficer's family taking wrong train ends up in Treblinka.

NO TOMORROW - thriller webseries. Homeless people are manipulated into committing crimes for a shady producer on a reality show.

BLOODSTONE - Modern retelling of Gilgamesh epic. Gilgamesh searches for the reincarnated Enkidu to share the secret of immortality but is thwarted by the jealous god of the cosmos.

Owen - well, it'll be one of the four but I only had five seconds....

Execratus:TheMarked- A mob boss that has been marked by a demon, and gains abilities because of it, maneuvers his way through the underbelly of Chicago. Others that have endured his fate of being marked struggle with their day to day lives, along with the discrimination by their fellow man and society.

ON A ROAD LESS TRAVELLED - In 1942, aspiring concert pianist Madeline Evans is sent away to a mysterious Inn in the Sierra Nevada mountains to visit her Aunt and Uncle. Torn between doing the right thing and accepting her fate, she becomes convinced the Inn is haunted.

ApocryphA

One Hour Biblical Drama. Based on the books that didn’t make it into the Bible, ApocryphA is the truth Rome doesn’t want you to know, through the eyes of the woman who wrote it first. A woman history mistook for a man.

Krampus & the Legend of St. Nick - The Grinch meets LOTR, but Krampus doesn't steal the kid's presents, he steals the kids. Nicholas pursues him into the depths of Hades and sacrifices his life for the souls of the children, who become his elves when he's resurrected as Santa Claus.

Dealers - Dark Comedy - Irresponsible dealers, bad crack and zombies. A grandmother also gets bludgeoned to death.

Timesmith (Feature - sci-fi) - Dr. Who-type movie, where everything we know about time is wrong!!!

Beautiful Bodies: 1833 - Titanic with Harlots

Steve Mallinson I saw your line an it hit an Aussie nerve.

I don’t know if you are aware of Australian history. White people invaded and then sent prisoners on boats to colonise. After a few years they sent a boat load of female prisoner (which at that time had a high number of prostitutes.) what could go wrong.....

Glass House - The mysteries of Australia may hold the answers mankind has been searching for when a university scientist discovers an obelisk of carved volcanic rock on sacred Aboriginal land.

Dan Guardino indigenous culture down here is the oldest living culture on earth. I don’t even pretend to understand it. I just look at it and feel small in comparison.

Oh Deer (horror/comedy) - When a small town is terrorized by zombie killer deer, an underachieving Park Ranger and her enthusiastic trainee search for a cure while keeping themselves and the townspeople from becoming the endangered species.

After The End (Sci-Fi/Action-Adventure) In a post-apocalyptic world where giant monsters rule, an mercenary must escort a group of orphans to sanctuary while pursued by a fanatic warlord.

Westphalia (Noir): A Boston mob associate in an interracial romance, a decade after the busing riots. Len Bias gets involved.

Posted the full screenplay with my logline, if you're interested!

Thandi's Love - ( Historical Romance/Drama) : A young mulatto slave finds herself caught between the affections of two plantation owners.

The Man Who Would be King: A corrupted politician is sent back to ancient Greece and seizes power with modern marketing (dare we say "Trumpian"

techniques, and lobotomizes the society.

UNIDOS - horror - a Latinx THE BREAKFAST CLUB meets HALLOWEEN

What would you do if you discovered you entire life was based on lies? That is want Gabriel Horn, a high school student, is confronted with when he is told he is the product of a serial killer's clone.

EXODUS - What if all minorities suddenly started leaving the country and the planet? What would happen to the economy and society as a whole? Would the govt try to stop them from leaving?

THE GAVEL- adventure. Identical twin sisters who moonlight as violent vigilantes must outwit their criminology teacher who framed them for murder.

Frankenstein, Part II. Drama. The Fugitive meets Beauty and the Beast.

WELCOME TO NOWHERE - It's not what's in the dark that should scare you.

Bullets through the Hourglass - Action/adventure. The Man in the High Castle meets Captain America.

FUTURE HOPE CITY- Babylon 5 meets Police Squad/The Naked Gun.

THE RE- INVENTION OF A WALLFLOWER -

Drama. A wallflower comes off the wall and works her way towards the spotlight.

JUST US--crime action drama. Four friends/amateur robbers grasping for elusive , American Dream ! With guns .

DEADLY SEX--drama thriller. A psychotic sexual predator is infecting NYC's underground lifestyle clubs.

Timesmith - Everything we think we know about time travel is wrong! Dr. Who with more realistic science.

Me.

Autobiography/Comedy

MY GIRLS HATE ME - RomCom about a father raising five daughters and their attempts to set him up with a new wife.

MALICE (fantasy): Burned-out war reporter seeks quiet life at home but finds otherworldly battlefield.

You are desperate for my money. There is a barrel. It is cash or a bomb. What do you do?

LOVE, MONEY, BOMBS

Soon over at Script Revolution

Psychological thriller called The Digits about a scientist losing his mind believing reality doesn't exist and goes on a journey to discover the truth. He might be going crazy and is writing a journal or reality could be a simulation.

My Missing Year A crazy mother dumps her son in the Mason's home after she gets dumped.

Piratessa: A black widow story set in the high-stakes world of yachting and billionaire playboys.

"Vox Populi", a dystopian action thriller reminiscent of "Akira" and "Escape from New York" with the social commentary and graphic violence of "RoboCop" set in a post-Brexit Britain. Two activists and a journalist form an unlikely alliance to destroy the Conservative government and bring the former United Kingdom into the 21st Century.

Mr. Razi (Action-Thriller, "The Usual Suspects" meets "Lucky Number Slevin"): After witnessing the sudden tragic death of his father; a masked vigilante takes on the path of vengeance to go after the man responsible, the notorious criminal...Mr. Razi.

A hungover cowboy gets sucked up into a posse of dangerous lawmen, many miles and lives later, it comes down to a hundred miles, the cowboy and the conniving outlaw, 3:10 to Yuma meets True Grit

"The Ecstasy" Drama/Courtroom drama

A school teacher commits suicide after she is arrested at a Miami swingers club. A young lawyer must prove the arrest was the cause of her suicide; not her alternative lifestyle.

She gets off, they get off'd.

Doom ? Or Redemption?

Tension between married Millenials . Rent house as attempt to save marriage but does iit really ??

The Game of Life - Drama(Short Film)

Two teenagers from different backgrounds, one white trying to raise money for his mother's medical bills and one black trying to escape a rough home life, compete in an air hockey tournament for $10,000.

A male college student enrolls into a women studies course, where on the first day, the class is confronted with the recent #MeToo scandals involving powerful men over the last few years and the lack of due process exhibited in other high profile cases.

The Titron Madness - Summer blockbuster horror action about Cold War creature feature set on a ship based on true research and experiments that occurred at the time.

G.I BRO - Family comedy about army cadets taking on bank robbers and saving the day. It's Goonies vs Home Alone vs Iron Eagle.

Lists - Drama Romance. A widower whose compelled to keep making to do lists as a coping mechanism has to let go of his structured world to love again

Airplane Mode - Comedy

Influencer queen turns on "airplane mode" during her Instagrammed honeymoon, what could go wrong?

HARRIS - Comedy - Blind Father and daughter are forced to reconnect as the retirement home kicked him out leaving his only known daughter to take him along in her big rig transporting good across the country and finding what they reluctantly need from each other.

SIX HOURS - HORROR

After administering the last communion to the dying man, and step out of the hospital room. Hell descended...

WESTREALM - Fantasy/Western

Beowulf meets Bone Tomahawk in the mythical land of WestRealm.

NEKFRIT & HIS FLUFFY CAT GRINCH - COMEDY

An ex-Black Metaller turned Children's TV host learns a Christian organization has plans for his series.

UNDER GOD - War/Drama

In the midst of the Yugoslav wars, the leader of a Bosnian Muslim militia is haunted by the ghosts of her past.

GRANT PARK - The Brady Bunch, but in downtown Atlanta and Mr. Brady and sons are black.

SOUTHERN SALVATION - A murder mystery set in the Reconstruction era South. Roots meets Mystic River.

CHANCE AZ - Science Fiction/Horror

An isolated town is the subject of a social experiment in which the condemned are given a second chance...with a cost.

Ghosteye, Raunchy Comedy. The Truman show meets COPS for teens.

"Icon of the Defender" - sci-fi/action thriller based on my eponymous 3-part novel (Part 1 is self-contained, while Parts 2 and 3 are a 2-part sequel).

A trio of mercenaries awaken an ex-assassin from cryosleep and discover they have opened Pandora's Box, with the fate of her best friend in their hands. "Virtua Fighter" meets "Metal Gear Solid" and "Blake's 7".

The Sessions - a Southern crime story about a dogged but drug abusing journalist sent back to his childhood hometown to cover the murder of a foreign exchange student as well as deal with the trauma that resulted in his drug addiction. (Think Sharp Objects but with a gay male lead)

SAMSARA - Supernatural Drama - A young woman’s hopes that her relationship will improve when the couple move into a new house are soon dashed when visions from the past reveal a disturbing future.

Curse- Set in the early 1800s, an African slave is granted immortality by a Native American spirit and spends the next centuries fighting injustice against the black community as a vigilante.

Highhlander meets Roots

Feature -- “The Hitcher” meets “Natural Born Killers” meets "48 Hour Film Project"

A driver who makes a successful candid camera show called "Hells Driver" picks up hitchhikers who he almost scares to death. The tables are turned when he picks up a serial killer who gives him a hellish choice: make a 'real'-life-death version in 48 hours and successfully sell it to Netflix or become my next victim.

Master At Arms - Present-day Action Feature - On the world's most powerful warship, HE upholds the law.

The Watcher; a mysterious youth hunts an evil man and is in turn shadowed by a homicide detective who wants to know who he really is.

A show that makes you question your inner self as well as the others that surround you

The Burning Sister, Thriller. A victim of a mind control experiment must torture others like her to escape all the while questioning which thoughts are even her own

Brave - A polar bear follows his dream and decides move to the forest not knowing how will he survive, or who will he meet

Hellbound Heroes - War-weary WWII veterans form America's first motorcycle club for brotherhood, only to come face to face with a corrupt Sheriff and a self-serving politician.

KIMERA, TRHILLER, a woman discovers a dark side of her boyfriend, after her boyfriend's brother arrives unexpectedly

REPRISAL - thriller. A 1960s style family is attacked in their own home but aren't as innocent as they seem.

BLACK HOLE, Dentist to celebrities visits downtown after work, where he was a female stripper to gain funds for a sex change and his antagonists do not see him coming.

(Ha ha this true pitch I did)

There's a Distance in You - The fluidity of friendships, toxic masculinity, introverted vs extroverted personalities and how we change as we get older are all themes examined through the eyes of a pair of longtime friends whose relationship is recently floundering.

INSIDE - Young man faces his past in a stalled elevator on a New Year's eve.

Short, nothing to do with the nature of the pitch :))))

OMG - God's coming-of-age story, spoofing this overwrought genre.

Geoff Wise that sounds hilarious.

is there a road trip with jesus where he falls in love with a manic pixie dream girl

I so want to watch that film

THE NIGHTMARE - A cowardly teenager finds himself in the ancient times, participating in the greatest war in Greek history to save his lover.

View my profile for project information!

C'mon, Tasha. How about just one?

PTT-MG

Paul, here are the genres. Documentary. Fiction. Self Help. You choose the one that is most closely aligned with your current projects. This way you can compare and provide unique or comparison commentary. I'm the author of all three.

How about the titles? Each one gives you a visual. Global Movements Create Global Opportunities. Searching for the Perfect Place. The Continuation-Living Your Destiny.

I.Love. Boston! - Sex and the City meets Boston.

Multiple story lines about women living in Boston -from college to jobs to social life to falling in love and surviving heartache and...discovering that friendships is really what makes Boston Strong!

SECRET LIBRARY - horror/thriller. In 1896 New York, three children discover a hidden library where they are trapped by an ancient evil.

5 DAYS- Thriller. A teen girl trapped inside a house by a very troubled man and his family.

Roberto; sounds like 'Headless' produced in Nor Cal a few years back (I don't recall the Producer).

A con man gets conned into paying for his own hit. Based on a true story.

Mistaken- Coming of Age: When an abused teen's blackmail attempt results in the death of his bully, he must find the real killer before the police trace the blackmail back to him.

DREAM OF MIRRORS - dystopian TV series - Precog twins escape Auschwitz's experiments and travel through time to stop the Nazi-Soviet secret organization and protect the future.

Title: The Toy Maker

Logline: An epic Christmas tale from the beginning of time.

Genre: Family

Zimbie - an abused pony needs to learn to trust again

Heidi - your logline is more of a tagline for the movie poster. can you summarize the story in 1-2 sentences? e.g. "After being cast out by his peers, a misfit reindeer is Santa's only hope to save Christmas."

PIRANESI'S FIGURES – Drama/Art House (feature based on the novel of the same name). Four characters try to sort out a complicated past, while reconciling a sordid present as lovers (too vague, I know, but I'm still in the distilling phase... think if Charlie Kaufman wrote a semi-historical anti-romance).

Bounty Across the Cosmos- animated sci-fi Dog the Bounty Hunter meets Star Trek with two teens as leads

Crazy Little Athol - Comedy feature in the vein of Miss Congeniality with WWE elements. A pint-sized detective is assigned to protect a larger than life wrestling star.

Dante (Pilot) An adopted teen with an aptitude for animation navigates the nine levels of High School Hell.

Thank you Paul Zeidman, how does this look? It feels strange to squeeze such an epic tale into a few sentences.

Logline: Claus, a wee little babe, is abandoned at the edge of an enchanted forest. Little Claus is raised in the gentle forest. He strikes out on his own to make nearby children happy, but finds he has enemies.

HONEY DRIPPER - (Pilot/Dramedy:) A struggling single mother sells drug laced honey drippers to make ends meet.

Heidi - it's a start. Try this - the logline conveys who your protagonist is, their goal, who/what is standing in their way from acheiving that goal, and what's at stake if they fail. There are A TON of examples (and probably better guidelines than mine) online. Hang in there. A lot of writers say writing the logline is harder than writing the script.

THE BROWN RECLUSE (Drama-Action) Logline- Control you're emotion driven rage, or risk making bad decision that inevitably may lead to your destruction.

Paul, You busted me! I hate writing two or three sentences to represent something that spans Earth's existence. But here it goes...

Logline: At the beginning of mankind, Claus sets out to make children happy by inventing Toys. The evil Awgwas strive to destroy children’s happiness and must therefore destroy their friend Claus... who is getting old and running out of time to win this battle. Without Santa Claus the children will have no toys.

What do you think?

P.S. I appreciate your help.

Heidi Schussman Can I give it a whirl without even knowing the story? I heard "yes" so:

Claus, an orphan of the enchanted forest, commits his life to the happiness of children only to make enemies of the evil Awgwas who will stop at nothing to destroy him.

OR:

Claus, a charitable orphan of the enchanted forest which all the children rely on must win the battle against the evil Awgwas.

I try to keep it under 25 words. 20 is better IMO. Write several variations and take Paul Zeidman 's advice. For me in your logline, the "awgwas" is intriguing.

"Cyclone" (work in progress sci-fi/action/disaster): A double threat of coronavirus and climate change cause unprecedented chaos in the Mediterranean Sea.

CHARLIE FOXTROT (World War II - Drama/action). Lieutenant De Groot was never meant to be in the war. So the war came to him.

"American Foreign" is a TV series script. It's a comedy and a mix of Three's Company, All in the Family and Golden Girls. Frank an older man has given up on finding love in the USA and decides to take a chance on a Russian bride but his true love comes with more than a price tag.

The story of a female journalist who travels the world to battle adversity and sexism in the male-dominated profession of war reporting.

24hours- comedy - An insurance company makes a huge error and gives more 500% of an inheritance to a college student who get to spander it with his two best friends.

THE WOMAN IN A MAN- comedy- a man wakes up one morning and realizes that he's transformed into a woman after arguing with his wife on how hard the role of a husband is.

My Favorite Screenwriter! Comedy -- When a lousy screenwriter wins two hundred million dollars in the lottery, the pages numbers reflecting the typos he found in his favorite screenplay become a living Hell – when his client -- dad -- sues.