Ok I have my short script "ready": I did a bunch of rewrites and my action lines, the story, the theme and the tone are spot on -- even acording to professional script coverage. I like the intensity of the dialogue for the most part, but there are some lines that are not clear or sound too generic -- also according to script coverage.
What do you do to improve this? Just put the script in the freezer and come back some time later? Talk to a consultant? Show it to friends? Show it to friends in Stage32?
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The only way I'd listen to script coverage is if I agree with the assessment or I've heard the same thing from several other sources. If the dialog sounds too generic or not clear to you by all means fix it. A lot of fixes are just cutting stuff out, I've found. I've also found that I can fix things more easily after writing another script and coming back to it.
Sorry for not making it clear in the post, I do agree that it sounds generic and it was confirmed by two unrelated sources of script coverage, so for me it's a fix-it
The suggestion is good, sometimes cutting actually fixes the issue :D thanks!
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I would remove the lines and read the scenes out loud. Then add back what is needed. Perhaps what is needed is a prompt for the actor rather than a line.
I recent went through an entire script for a director and removed all the dialogue and replaced it with what the actors had to achieve in the scene. That way they could try and improv version of the scene as well.
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Do an individual rewrite for each character, focusing on the making it distinctive to that character. You want the character to peek through using vocabulary and sentence structure and attitude. In my Dialogue Blue Book I have my "barista theory" - I write in coffee shops and every Barista basically has the same dialogue, except each employee puts their own spin on it, exposing their character and personality. Turning generic dialogue into individual dialogue. But if you look at each character's dialogue through their eyes, you can make it more specific to that character.
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Keep the most important part of a line of dialogue at the end (“He’s been murdered!” not “The murderer got to him!”). Don’t let a piece of dialogue take up more than 3 lines on the page, unless it’s a monologue. Make sure dialogue is in the context of conflict (if you must explain something, let them fight about it or struggle to understand). Use short exchanges between characters to quicken the pace of dialogue. Those are the basics as I understand them, and they get me high marks on my dialogue.
This is all very good advice! thank you so much for your time!
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Remove it. You can probably say it better through action and that will move the story forward. This gives the actors room to wiggle too.
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Karen’s right. If an actor or director can replace our dialogue with a knowing stare, they will and they should.
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I tend to follow the notion: When in doubt, leave it out! ;) Best to you!