Screenwriting : Thoughts On A Concept by Stephen Carter

Hard to see the shape of the story. Feels like the first 10 minutes. Where is the rest of it going?

A logline usually includes a protagonist (check) an antagonist or antagonistic force and a protagonist's goal. What you have here is a premise, I think. But it's hard to react to it without the other logline elements.

It can be a strong idea. I needs a “but”. We have the setup. What is the movie?

But he is sent to an institution.

But his action make him a target for law enforcement?

But this attraction the attention of local thugs that target him.

But he is driven to disparage by his failure to help people.

Good setup. I know the character, not the movie.

I would write it.

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. Eric, I would say the "antagonistic forces" are the criminals and the goal is to clean up the criminal element. Of course, there is a "nemesis" as with all superhero stories, but this wouldn't necessarily be specified in a logline.

So he doesn't really have powers? How does the situation help or hurt him? Why does it matter that this is happening to this particular person? Does he lack/need confidence in the first place? Does it somehow make him a better skateboarder by helping him shed his fears of being hurt? I would flesh out the skateboarder a lot more and then begin asking myself questions.

Where is his prostitute sister (or brother) who has a special friend on the police force (male or female as well) who has to try and cover for him to keep him out of jail and who comes to believe that he has superpowers (that can be taken either way, too).

Hey Stephen, If you have the idea hashed out here's a great website to help give you guidance to create your story beats. https://nofilmschool.com/beat-sheet-template

Good luck and good writing.

10 years thinking? Let's see a complete synopsis - beginning, middle, ending.

Loglines are marketing.

And where in the beginning, middle, ending does he get the super powers? I didn't get mine until I was about 58 years old.

Sorry but your logline doesn't convey a complete story. He gets these imaginary powers and then what??? Does he end up in a mental institution? Does he actually stop a real criminal and become a hero only to discover that he's a fraud.? Does someone else have to keep saving him from his own hubris? Does he wake up normal again?

A logline doesn't tell the full story but it gives you a definite sense of beginning, middle, and a possibilities for an ending. Try something like this - "A skateboarder suffers a head injury and wakes up believing that he has superpowers, unfortunately he interferes in the crimes of a local gang and ends up the target of their retribution."

My suggestion shows where the guy has gotten himself in real trouble and it raises the stakes by suggesting that there may not be a happy ending.

Thanks again, everyone. I appreciate your thoughts and the critiques of the logline. It's been my experience the briefer the better for loglines, but I see where the idea of more information may prove helpful. I'll have to give it some thought. Conceptually, in my view, the logline contains enough information to pique interest while conveying the notion our "hero" is headed for big trouble. Of course, the story will include the usual tropes like the sidekick who believes in and covers for him, the secret identity, the nemesis, and the forbidden love interest, along with escalating difficulties, and a situation from which there is (likely) no escape. Of course, he will triumph in the end, at great cost. But he doesn't actually have superpowers, so the dangers are real, his life at risk, and possibly too are his family's. But is the thing that threatens him most external or internal? You'll have to wait and see.

Marjolein, thank you for your thoughts, exactly what I'm looking for. You understand the concept out of the gate, and it sparked your imagination. You drilled down exactly on who this character is, who he becomes, and why. That is very helpful, and exactly what I was going for: Does the concept strike a chord or not? And you're right, there is plenty of room for humor.

Every super-power hero has a secret flaw, a weakness, Stephen, which turns his resolve into putty. What's his kryptonite? The smile of a beautiful blonde? Coffee? The Tonight Show theme music?

Eric, I would have to say it's the fact he doesn't really have superpowers.

What's the theme - that is, what is the universal human question that the story will answer? Concepts are fine, but without an underlying theme, there's no glue to hold the story together. IMO.

As is often the case, there are several themes, and as with most superhero stories, the usuals like sacrifice, good triumphs over evil, and redemption all apply, and in this story specifically, we're not always who we think we are.

That's cool, Stephen Carter, but virtually every pro screenwriter, when talking about theme, states that it is the ONE central dramatic idea - not several. Here's a post from Craig Mazin (Chernobyl), and you'll notice his focus on theme is all about that ONE central dramatic question:

https://nofilmschool.com/2019/06/chernobyl-craig-mazin-how-to-write-movie

sounds like Kick Ass... but different I like it get to it

I like the concept. Is it a comedy?

There are often several themes within a story. And I did give you a potential main theme as I view it at this early stage. However, it is certainly subject to change as I drill down on the main character and continue to develop the story. For example, this from my development notes:

Theme: Sacrifice for the greater good. A better world is worth fighting for. Good -vs- evil. What is friendship? Are we who we say/think we are? Family is important. Love is all that matters.

I know from experience the central theme will reveal itself in time. Right now I'm working on character development, and working on my beat sheet and story map. (I'm usually a pantser, but trying something new.)

I had a specific purpose for this thread: to help answer the question for myself as to whether I should proceed with the months of work ahead, or not. Is the concept strong enough to warrant all the work? That, in my view, is the first question any screenwriter, novelist, playwright, or storyteller needs to answer before they begin the journey, and one clearly not asked often enough. I do appreciate the informative discussions, but it's a bit like herding cats in here when it comes to getting a straight answer to a simple question. Most screenwriters prefer to show off how much they know about the craft. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just the nature of the beast. And please don't get me wrong, I always take something away from these discussions, and I am always extremely appreciative of the time everyone is willing to give to address my questions at all.

The bottom line here, I think I have my answer, at least for now. I'm going to continue the work. I've come to believe - through these discussions - that if I do a good job, craft a good story, create strong characters with fatal flaws, write sharp dialog, create interesting situations, build a believable world, evoke strong emotions, inject humor, fill it with conflict, pace it well and keep it tight, with exciting action sequences, pay homage to the genre, make it overall entertaining, and yes, present a strong universal theme, some people, maybe a few people, if I do it right maybe a lot of people, and maybe even the right people will like it well enough to help see it get made. That's all any of us can do or hope for. (Unless you happen to be independently wealthy and willing to finance your own work.) The scary question for me right now is, will the film be "big" enough? I don't think I can answer that at this point in time.

So I do thank you, John, very much, for spending time thinking about this even a little because I'm sure you'd much rather be writing.

Thank you, Vincent! Thank you, Cannon! You two give me straight answers to my question just as I'm posting about how difficult it is to get them. Is that irony?

No, I don't think it's a comedy, Cannon, though there will certainly be comedic elements. I believe at this juncture I'm going to try to play it straight, following the beats of the superhero genre. So as straight as that can be. It takes place in a depressed area in southern Ohio rife with opiate addiction and poverty. Tonally, I'm thinking more along the lines of The Dark Knight. But ultimately, I'll have to see where the characters take me.