Screenwriting : Seeking Collaberation by DL Stickler

I finally had someone inside give a look to the Pilot I created. The Notes were exquisite. I was advised that the Opening needed to Pop. the Characters are flat and essentially my desire to communicate verbally within a Screenplay was overly enthusiastic. So, I responded by advising the very nice young person who passed those notes on to me that I could look into reworking the Draft. Anyone want to share a Writing Credit and see if they can help get this thing sold somewhere? You can view a Draft of the Series Bible here: https://perpetualtheseries.home.blog/