Screenwriting : First-round judging comments by Larry Portzline

10 will get you 20 that these "readers" are themselves ignorant of the basics of creative writing and story-telling. I am a proud SJW, but I agree with you that a "review" is not someone criticizing your work from the perspective of what they have written -- or plan to write someday. There has to be some objectivity, or else it's some variation of "I don't think you wrote my life story as seen from my humble objective perspective, writer."

I feel the frustration and have experienced this too. I also avoid specifying race so it can be cast whichever way, though I've heard writers should specify minorities otherwise they won't be cast. I've had high-praise to recommendations of page one rewrites on the same script. My only suggestion is to find a consultant/reader that resonates with you and stick with them.

Hannah - basically I have to agree with you. My experience as a professional writer and producer has shown that about 9 out of 10 'readers' don't know their nose from a hole. I also know a couple of really good professional script readers/consultants. It's a real crap-shoot.

Is there a problem saying “A young good looking asian guy slides into the backseat of the taxi”? I mention race all the time. Otherwise we have the default white guy happening. Perhaps it is a function of living in Sydney. My brother-in-law is Polish, my sister-in law is Greek, my team members are Indonesian, Indian and Italy, my friends are Italian and Lebanese, my son’s two previous girlfriends have been Turkish and Filipino. My life has a leaning of default white. But I try yo avoid it in my writing.

Characters should be consistent to their own belief system. Which may make the contradictory. This is where the concept of “give your bad guy a soft side” falls over for me. An audience has to know that a person is acting in character, otherwise it feel that the character is there just to make a plot point happen. Which in my mind is poor story writing.

Craig D Griffiths - The issue isn't so much "specifying" race as the relationship between characteristics like race, gender, sexuality, ability status, social class, and their character. "Asian guys enters a taxi" doesn't mean much. Try something like "Lance walks through San Francisco Chinatown and enters his mother's Chinese herb store." Now you have a character and their ethnic background is no longer arbitrary and that helps direct the story. Sure, one can argue that Lance's mother should be played by a blonde from Minnesota, but I think the script reader will expect that both characters are Chinese American without having to mention that.

Hi, Larry Portzline. I've experienced a similar situation. You're right. Use the feedback that's useful. Ignore the feedback that isn't.

That's a great example Hannah. We're creative people, we just have to get those creative juices flowing. I agree, paying a little more for professional consultants is a good investment in the long run. Happy Writing!

I think the same person read one of my scripts, a raucous comedy, and s/he wanted more social issues covered. I just want a laugh!

I never buy feedback from someone I don't know.

Great job Hannah portraying people as Asian stereotypes. So an Asian guy can only exist in china town. He couldn’t be a Wall Street Broker? So we shouldn’t state race of minor characters so we can rely on default white.

You know what my Anglo-Indian groomsmen (member of my wedding party - don’t know if that is a universal term) and me have in common? Aussie accents, since we both grew up in Sydney.

You want would be really interesting? Not Stereotyping people.

Craig D Griffiths - You just added a hella large number of elements to the two characters I sketched, "Lance" and, let's call her "Lin," to conclude that I drew up a Asian-American stereotype. Actually, if you ask Asian-Americans -- and I am one of them -- 1 in 8 Californians is Asian-American -- approximately none would say I drew up an offensive stereotype.

Oh, and by the way -- many educated upper-income Asian-Americans help their parents run their stores while also pursuing a professional career. For example, Ted Abe (pronounced "Ah-Beh", icymi) was a lawyer while also helping his mother run Yamato Imports in Minneapolis. They helped my mother get work making Sogetsu Ikebana arrangements, and I also helped my mother when I was a high school student.

But I guess I'm just an Asian-American stereotype to you. Mee So Sollly, Honorable Boss-Maan-San!

And you happy that it is the only way Asian characters can be portrayed? The line I wrote was (not copy and pasted) from my script in development called Unfare. The character is written for a specific actor I know. He is a 20’s something guy, very New York cool.

In the scene he slides into a taxi or a guy with mental illness that is about to launched into a spree of violence. The passenger has just come from a Bucks Party. He is wearing a suit, tie half off, perhaps one too many drinks. They discuss morals. It is a drunk guy type conversation. Completely innocent. But to the driver it is concreting in place his broken belief system.

I was raised by a single mum. My neighbour worked in a diner and would bring us things like the end of the meat loaf home so we could have dinner. My brother sold a bit of dope and we use to fight (real fighting) for fun. Is that the life of all white Aussies. No. My son is in medical tech and works around the world (just back from the USA). My daughter is a creative for Apple and a filmmaker. When I die my children will have an income for life based on my investments and will be instant millionaires.

Which is the white stereotype? Young violent drug dealer or privileged suburb kids. Not sure. But I know I don’t pigeon hole people based on their appearance.

What's race/ethnicity have to do with reader's off the target script concerns?

Your correct Doug, my comments diverted from the aim of the question.

My default answer in the topic of paid notes. “You should develop the skills to measure your own work. You will have to do it some day. May as well be sooner than later”.

Craig D Griffiths - So... you wrote about a young, handsome Asian man entering a taxi to help a friend get a role? That's different.

In the States, at least, we have a real controversy with including "diverse" characters solely to add "local color" to otherwise conventional narratives. For example, part of the "Vito Russo Test" regarding LGBTQQIA representation criticizes this issue:

"The LGBTQ character must be tied into the plot in such a way that their removal would have a significant effect. Meaning they are not there to simply provide colorful commentary, paint urban authenticity, or (perhaps most commonly) set up a punchline. The character should 'matter.'"

I don’t describe a character’s race unless it is essential to the story. Also I don’t spend money on contests but if I did I wouldn’t take their feedback very seriously. I don’t spend money on script consultants either but if I did I would make sure they are qualified to give good feedback.