This is the new query letter I drafted.
Any suggestions, clarifications, or comments would be greatly appreciated.
Hello
Logline- An influential feminist activist clashes with an esteemed college president who has been accused of sexual harassment. They're father and daughter…
I’m an unrepresented screenwriter seeking to promote my script.
My script is a contemporary social drama feature and its title is "I Am Norah Fields!". It’s a statement against workplace harassment, and specifically sexual harassment.
As my protagonist, NORAH FIELDS, is the daughter of the harasser, the conflict in my story is intensified.
Since Norah lost her mother when she was a toddler, she and her father ETHAN enjoy a strong bond of love, affection, and admiration.
Norah is a social activist, feminist, known to be at the forefront of issues relating to gender equality and social justice. Ethan, is an esteemed president of a prestigious college.
Things become intricated when a journalist approaches Ethan seeking response to allegations that he had sexually harassed a coworker.
Norah and Ethan's world turns upside down as a whirlwind of events unfolds.
In the arc of Norah's emotional journey, she goes from complete devotion to her father, through doubts and uncertainties to total denunciation.
This conflict generates sparks.
Like "The Assistant " 2019 & "Bombshell " 2019, my story tackles the hideous phenomenon of sexual harassment, however from a different perspective.
(Julia Garner, "The Assistant", would be the perfect choice for the role of Norah Fields if my script is produced).
As a social activist for years, my zeal for social justice, along with deep feelings of disgust at the Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein scandals, motivated me to write this screenplay.
ACCOLADES:
Awareness film festival 2022- Finalist
WRNP.tv's screenplay competition 2021 - Award Winner!
Silk Road film awards Cannes 2021- Award Winner!
Golden State Film Festival 2022- Official Selection!
Bright International Film Festival Jan 2022- Finalist!
Big Apple Film Festival & Screenplay competition- Honorable Mention!
Filmmatic- Inroads Fellowship Season 5 - Quarterfinalist!
Santa Barbara International Screenplay awards – Honorable Mention!
As part of my portfolio, I have two full-length and one short scripts in English as well as one full-length and one short script in Hebrew. Currently, I am writing a pilot for a TV drama series.
Attached, the synopsis of my script “I Am Norah Fields!” and its first 12 pages, for your impression.
Thank you for your time.
2 people like this
Too long.
Delete the casting suggestions.
Maybe less desperation in your intro, .... "promote my script..".
Start with "why" you want idea and the person you are querying to be your partners.
Delete infamous real ppl you are attacking. Delete synopsis.
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Hey, David China Woolf. I agree with Dan MaxXx.
I have four additional suggestions:
#1) Change "Hello" to "Hello, _____________ (the person's name)."
#2) Make the synopsis shorter (about five sentences) and put it in one paragraph.
#3) "Attached, the synopsis of my script “I Am Norah Fields!” and its first 12 pages, for your impression." Don't attach files until the person asks for them.
#4) Work on the logline.
Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline.
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.
Example #1:
“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”
Example #2:
“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”
NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The overall logline for a TV show might not follow this template, but the logline for an episode in the show could.
Hope the suggestions help!
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Hi David, you can also write to success@stage32.com for our sample query letter.
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Thanks! This is very helpful
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You're welcome, David China Woolf. Best to you on querying!
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And try to think of a catchy subject line, David China Woolf.
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do not attach documents to an email. ppl, scared of lawsuits and paranoid writers, wont read unsolicited documents.
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"do not attach documents to an email. ppl, scared of lawsuits and paranoid writers, wont read unsolicited documents." Thanks for sharing that, Dan MaxXx. I was trying to find a post about that on Stage 32, but I couldn't.
2 people like this
Ive had good luck with this structure.
Intro/inspiration for writing this.
Logline/comps
Brief synopsis
Why you're the right writer for this script and why now is the right time to make it.