Screenwriting : How to make your dialogue less forced? by Bintou Kaba

I don't know how you're dialogues are right now, but what I teach my students: don't try to tell the story via dialogues. The scene description depicts the events, the dialogue captures the atmosphere.

For example: I let my students write a dialogue about tea and coffee, and I let them play it with different ambiences: dark, funny, scary, absurd, etc.

It sounds odd, but perhaps you should try to make dialogues less 'important'?

When writing dialogue, always ask what motivates a character, what drives him or her, and let that impetus inspire your character speak; and remember, less is more, so cut the filler (kill your darlings) until your words are polished and lean.

Without seeing your dialogue it is a bit difficult to say, but, I give my students a few tips.

1. Try to write the scene without any dialogue what so ever. What actions would you have to put in the scene to make it work? Once you have done that, then add dialogue sparingly IF you still need to. (This isn't easy by the way as somethings are very complicated to convo, but you have to get creative)

2. Are the characters saying things because you feel the audience needs to know this information or do the characters generally need to know this information and have they earned it?

3. Is the dialogue driving the story forward, is it creating tension or telling us more about the character's personalities through subtext, or is the dialogue just filling space?

If you find you are giving your characters dialogue to inform the audience, then definitely stop and ask yourself. If this was not a movie or TV series, would the character say that to someone they already know? Here is an example of a common mistake I see in sooo many shows. The writer wants to depict to the audience that a parent has died and the daughter says something like.

"Why would you take me to the park, you know I don't go to the park anymore, ever since my parents died."

If they already know that, then why is she saying it? It's common knowledge between the characters. Find another way to let the audience know. You might even have to unravel it over time.

Another example, is the dialogue telling us something that we can already see. Like the car has broken down and the characters says.

"Crap, the car broke down".

Why tell us that, when we can already see it? Unless they are on the phone with someone who hears their frustration and the person on the phone asks what happens and even then the character can probably say "I'll call you back" or "This piece junk car" or "Know anyone who wants to buy a slightly used classic?".

I hope this helps. Hope it wasn't too general.

If it's coming across as forced, you may be overwriting. There's a rule of thumb. Don't write more than a fingers width of dialogue in any one go. Unless it's a monologue. Less is more.

Also, Avoid lines of "Yes", "No". "What do you mean?" "Huh?" 99% of the time in real life, all of that' is said with a look, , nod, gesture etc.. If your characters are voicing all of their gestures it will definitely feel forced.

The movies I like dont have much dialogue. Start reading stacks (100's) of scripts of your favorite produced movies and study how writers do it on the page. Maybe turn on subtitles/closed captions when watching movies and see the dialogue on tv screen.

Bintou Kaba there is a step-by-step process for improving dialogue within the story, and it's your own personal authority that makes it flow better and sound more natural to you, and hopefully to future readers.

While we read our own screenplay in editorial process, it's immensely useful to always read the dialogue to ourselves out loud, using accents, voices, bringing as much variety to investigate the characters as possible, you are the first director on the page so punch it up and imagine you're behind the camera shooting the scene. Is it natural? Is there good argument and repartee? Does it feel and sound both plausible and also cinematic? Does it have the flavor you're going for?

Moreover, I find it easier to cut down and edit than to come up with more, so my approach is to overwrite in the early drafts, maybe a character babbles on and on, then that dialogue can be cut and edited down, often to a single word.

Finally, read your own script out loud in private three, four five DOZEN times, over several months and years, keep grinding away at what you are bringing to life and satisfy only your own critical ear first, you must enjoy reading your own work again and again to find areas for improvement!

Use body language/ touch to denote changes in relationships; subtlety often speaks louder than dialogue.

Phil, I like to write the silent person's actions in.

If you want the person to look around write that. It doesn't matter if they talk or not.

I just write dialogue as fast as I can. I also like to show the actor doing something before they speak if possible because it helps make the screenplay flow better. That is just how I like to write it.

@daniel raised an excellent point I forgot to mention about reading your script out loud or having a table read. Bad dialogue will immediately stand out to you once you hear it. If you can't find people to help with a table read, you can use AI styled speech software to read the script to you. It's not as natural as human beings but it can help.

If the silent persons actions don't advance the story and aren't needed then delete them. Anything that can go should go.

I had to learn to listen to my characters. If the dialog was forced, that character would not say that. Then, I read aloud. If I couldn't read it well, I knew I needed to change something.

Phil, I add it in the action, but make it concise and try not to overuse. A good actor/director will know the characters intent and will add most nonverbals. In your example, I suggest involving the other character. The manner in which they eat can display their feelings/tension about the scene. If the character is nervous about the topic, maybe they choke/cough on a piece of food, eat rapidly, reach for a beer, etc. Or if they hear something of significance, they 'stop mid-chew, his widen', GULPS, drops or fumbles fork, etc. Lots you can do with nonverbals, just try not to overuse.

A lot of great advice in the comments, Bintou Kaba.

Kevin Jackson mentioned subtext. Here are some blogs about subtext, Bintou Kaba:

www.stage32.com/blog/coffee-content-tips-from-sundance-screenwriters-dep...

www.stage32.com/blog/coffee-content-dialogue-text-subtext-context-10-les...

Reading your script out loud and table reads definitely help with dialogue.

Try making it less. I am doing some work for someone. I am removing all the “Okay” from the dialogue. Most lines start with it.

I reality people do that with their face. They give position and negative signals so we don’t need them. For example.

Imagine a campsite with two women. The first is a bad version.

MUM: I feel sick. Like I may throw up.

SARA: Okay. That sounds bad. You should go into the caravan and rest.

MUM: Okay. Bring me my food in there.

A better versions.

MUM: I feel sick.

SARA: Go rest.

———

Everything else can be assumed by the audience. They know there is a caravan. So mum will go and rest there etc.

I hope this helps.