Anything Goes : The Midlife Gals are Writers TOO!! by The Midlife Gals

Ainglish as a First Language. Say Kalanianiole five times as fast as you can! It does not roll right off the tongue. Neither does Kanekapolei, right? Those are but two Hawaiian road signs. This is what happens when you start a language, deciding to include only 8 consonants. Do you suppose that was a group decision? Certain things just always get me thinking. Today is National Taco Day, which should be celebrated on its merits, yes, but also because the word, taco, is so easy to pronounce. Now, take the word, guacamole. Ellen DeGeneres’ new season has begun, and for some reason, the woman does not know that the ‘g’ is pronounced like a ‘w.’ So, it’s wacamole...or at least that’s the way the Mexicans pronounce it, which would also include other words like ‘W’adalahara, etc. Ellen should know better, because she lives in ‘Kahleefornia, for pity’s sake. Oh, don’t get me started on Ahnald Schvatsaneger! There was a news report the other night presupposing that because of all the ‘foreign’ (that just means non-Texan) people who have moved to Texas in the last few years, the Texas language (and there IS one) with its related slang/twang is disappearing! BullHockey! When there is a slow ‘news’ day, reporters just make shit up. If you drive 15 miles outside of any major metropolitan city in Texas, you will not be able to understand a word spoken...for example...a small, independent truck stop...trying to find a restroom...or ask directions. If you’re not from Texas, you’ll think yourself in a scy-fi movie, wondering if the child on the porch is going to start a banjo duel with the geezer giving you the bathroom key attached to a carved wooden pistol so you won’t lose it. The Hawaiians have their own pigeon language, and when two of them get going with it, you cannot understand a single word. They use ‘da kine’ for just about everything. We think it means, ‘the kind,’ but how would you know, because it’s stuck in there under just about any circumstance. Hawaiian pigeon can be traced back to how the sugar plantation bosses tried to communicate with the Hawaiian AND Japanese field hands. No wonder........... I’ve discovered that wherever I live, I bring the Texan in me. I can’t help it, and I don’t want to. It served me well in New York City (although that was because they all thought me stupid and in need of help). It can be fun to dispel that myth with a wink and a “Thuhaink ewe.” I think that if you just carry on like you know what you’re doing, people think you actually do. But, I will NOT be attempting to learn the Hawaiian language, nosireeBob! When you’re six years old, learning a language is a piece of cake, but add 54 years to that six and fuhgetabodit!! YeeLoha! KK ************************************* L I B, M R the truest words. Translation: Well, I’ll be, those are the truest words. Ah lahk talkin’ Texan. It’s mah naytive languidge. Ah trahd to lose mah ayacsent wheyen ah wuz livin’ in California, but it wuz a lost cause. Paypel understood me eenyway. Now that ahm in Haghwayuh, ahm lernin’ hayuh to talk native and ah thank ahm doin’ pretty good. Jist ask me eenythang abayut these hyer ahlunds and ah weel give yew the lowdayun. Ahm a quick study and hahlee edjucated. But then yew gahs know thayat abayut me. Ahm so profishint in Haghwayun nayuh, ah kin talk Pijin with the best of ‘em. “Ah’ll hayuv the poi and pooh pooh platter with extry pahnapple ayund a Mah Tah with extry rum, paleaze. And I lahk thayat Terryahkee sauce, thayat kahn thayat cums on the sahd.” See? Ahm doin’ rilly good here. Sayal Gayal Thursday, October 4, 2012