Hey ho! How's it going peeps! I recently put one of my scripts through screenplay readers, it was a really helpful service that gave me some awesome feedback (well not awesome so much as they wanted it, but awesome in the sense that it is what I needed to give my work the boost it needed!) Anyway's having taken their advice I redrafted the pilot I sent them and I was wondering if I could tempt anyone into having a read and giving their opinions, I am more than happy to return the favor! The screenplay can be found here.... https://www.stage32.com/profile/2013/screenplay/stoned-1x01-clowns-canna... I have been working on this one for about three years now as I would love to get this one made as this was my startout piece here is the logline: A heartbroken out of luck stoner finds that rock bottom is a far descent when he comes mistakenly into possession of a box that leads to a world full of clowns, cannabis and conspiracy Hope you enjoy, thanks for the time Ritch
Screenwriting : Feedback for Feedback! by Ritchie Johnston
Feedback for Feedback!
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Thank you for letting me read your script. As a reformed party girl myself, it was fun to read. You definitely kept me going about what was in the box. And left a cliff hanger for what I assume will be the rest of the series. Bravo. I have a couple quick notes that I took: pg 3: “holds or holding a great weight on his shoulders”, pg 14: “Right now, not a lot.” Not “Right now not, a lot.” Pg 17, Cassanova is a name, so Capitalize. Pg. 35 “Rick’s (apostrophe s) phone rings again…” pg 38 “he looks to Rick’s (apostrophe s) table…” Good luck with the project! I can definitely see it, with some great music, especially the slow motion scene of the guys getting out of the car to go to the audition. That was bad ass.
Thanks for taking the time to read the script Gretchen, I'm glad that you enjoyed the read and thanks for the notes as well, they are most helpful :)