Hi All, I am a new user, hopefully this is the correct place to post this. (sorry if it is wrong!!!) I am hoping to receive some feedback on my current log lines and synopsis's. If you like what you read, and would like to read the full scripts, please inbox me for details. Thanks everyone! :-)
Screenwriting : Log line and synopsis revision by Scott Edwards
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can you at least put the logline here? you may get more interest? i understand if you don't want to tho...
Hi Stephen, thanks for your comment! Good call! Logline: “Unsavoury London criminals, violent gangsters, strippers and con artists all collide with each other in a series of unexpected events after a burglary gone wrong by two incompetent amateurs.” Genre: Comedy / Crime Carter and Jackie find themselves on the run after they are caught on CCTV stealing money from a notorious gangster. While on a date with his bosses’ daughter, Carter is apprehended by the gangster’s thugs and ordered to perform a heist or his friends will be killed. Carter enlists the help of some very colourful characters to help him get the money, but also to turn the tables on the villains and settle and old score.
One comment on the log line: Unsavoury London criminals, violent gangsters, strippers and con artists all collide with each other... I'd remove "with each other"
Thanks Tony, that makes sense.
you might want to give "the bitter script reader" website a look regarding loglines. here is one from there... [Take Die Hard for example: "A New York cop tries to save his estranged wife from terrorists who have taken an L.A. office building hostage on Christmas Eve." Bam! One sentence and I know the protagonist, the antagonist, the hooks and the stakes.] the only thing i could add to that is that is not always needed or desired to have all of that info in a logline (my opinion only). for yours, it could be something like: “London criminals, gangsters, strippers and con artists unwillingly collide when amateur burglars set off a chain of disastrous events which threatens to finish them all off for good". What none of them knows yet is that they are already dead". the second line i added just for my own amusement, don't know if i would really suggest it. it's just a quick off-the-cuff logline, if i had more time i could make it better. also, i'm not getting rich by selling loglines so you may want to take that into consideration. p.s. I like Lyse's logline a lot better than mine. stephen thor
great feedback guys, thanks for all your comments!