THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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DIRECTORS CUT
By Daniel Lokey
SYNOPSIS:
DIRECTOR'S CUT We open with a clapboard with the title HOT DELHI SANDWICH scene 32 take 1 BORED VOICE OFFSCREEN Hot Delhi Sandwich scene thirty two take one The clapboard pulls away revealing a green screen with a statue of Kali Goddess of death. (The eight armed sword fighting statue from Golden Voyage of Sinbad, for reference) ZOMBIE BIN LADIN O.S. Kill the infidels! They have my zombie serum! Two figures holding handguns jump behind Godess statue. STEPHEN FOSTER and HADJI they both have police badges sticking out of their shirt pockets but Hadji has a turban and classic indian garb, (think Peter Sellers from THE PARTY) HADJI Thank you for saving me Mister Stephen (heavy slow indian accent Stephen We have to pull together now Hadj and stop zombie bin Ladin and his robot ninja army (the gag here is neither of them can act at all. Its like they are reading off a script and they dont have their reading glasses. BORED VOICE OFF SCREEN bang bang bang, the bullets whiz by them Hadji what do we do? Shit Stephen oh fuck DIRECTOR cut , ... look guys... your life is really in danger. The whole world is going to be muslim zombies if you dont get the serum to disease control.. ok. cont. Both actors nod politely and we go back to the clapboard so we run thru about seven or eight versions of the clapboard getting further and further into this shootand the only dialog we get is: Hadji: What do we do ? Shit Stephen: oh fuck (both totally wooden) director off screen is reduced to tears .. a nervous breakdown. He sobs. DIRECTOR propman.. propman binladin. Now for the first time we see Zombie Bin Ladin and he is basically a zombie in muslim garb with one eye hanging half way down his face by its stalk. ooo and seaweed. ZOMBIE BIN LADIN Sir? DIRECTOR Point blank? That means if its close it can still kill you? Zombie Bin Ladin uhhh Director (hand reaching out into screen toward stephen and Hadjiz) Here, give me one of those Stephen hands over gun Director O.S. So what if I put it in my mouth? So we are on a two shot. Stephen and Hadji in front of the green screen. BANG! BLOOD AND EGGSHELLS SPRAY ACROSS STEPHEN AND HADJI (I figure eggshells be cheapest for bone) HADJI WHAT DO WE DO? SHIT! CONT STEPHEN OH FUCK! (now for the first time they are really nailing it. ) BORED VOICE OFF SCREEN hey that was good. the end.
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DIRECTOR'S CUT We open with a clapboard with the title HOT DELHI SANDWICH scene 32 take 1 BORED VOICE OFFSCREEN Hot Delhi Sandwich scene thirty two take one The clapboard pulls away revealing a green screen with a statue of Kali Goddess of death. (The eight armed sword fighting statue from Golden Voyage of Sinbad, for reference) ZOMBIE BIN LADIN O.S. Kill the infidels! They have my zombie serum! Two figures holding handguns jump behind Godess statue. STEPHEN FOSTER and HADJI they both have police badges sticking out of their shirt pockets but Hadji has a turban and classic indian garb, (think Peter Sellers from THE PARTY) HADJI Thank you for saving me Mister Stephen (heavy slow indian accent Stephen We have to pull together now Hadj and stop zombie bin Ladin and his robot ninja army (the gag here is neither of them can act at all. Its like they are reading off a script and they dont have their reading glasses. BORED VOICE OFF SCREEN bang bang bang, the bullets whiz by them Hadji what do we do? Shit Stephen oh fuck DIRECTOR cut , ... look guys... your life is really in danger. The whole world is going to be muslim zombies if you dont get the serum to disease control.. ok. cont. Both actors nod politely and we go back to the clapboard so we run thru about seven or eight versions of the clapboard getting further and further into this shootand the only dialog we get is: Hadji: What do we do ? Shit Stephen: oh fuck (both totally wooden) director off screen is reduced to tears .. a nervous breakdown. He sobs. DIRECTOR propman.. propman binladin. Now for the first time we see Zombie Bin Ladin and he is basically a zombie in muslim garb with one eye hanging half way down his face by its stalk. ooo and seaweed. ZOMBIE BIN LADIN Sir? DIRECTOR Point blank? That means if its close it can still kill you? Zombie Bin Ladin uhhh Director (hand reaching out into screen toward stephen and Hadjiz) Here, give me one of those Stephen hands over gun Director O.S. So what if I put it in my mouth? So we are on a two shot. Stephen and Hadji in front of the green screen. BANG! BLOOD AND EGGSHELLS SPRAY ACROSS STEPHEN AND HADJI (I figure eggshells be cheapest for bone) HADJI WHAT DO WE DO? SHIT! CONT STEPHEN OH FUCK! (now for the first time they are really nailing it. ) BORED VOICE OFF SCREEN hey that was good. the end.