Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.


By CJ Walley

GENRE: Other, Thriller

Handcuffed to a bag of explosives and reflecting on a hostage situation gone awry, a white supremacist woman and Arab man debate their potential afterlife.


19 page short. Ten characters (2 female, 8 male) 6 Locations. 20 Scenes.


View screenplay
Enmerkar Zedek

I found the log-line very interesting. I like how you tackled the misconception that all Arabs are Muslims, which isn't true. This would be an interesting projet to produce and I would love to see it produced. As I played the script in my mind as a movie, there were elements that worked against it. The overuse of flashback to give the backstory was taking me out of the flow. Mystery is good! Journey of discovery is also good! Think The Usual Suspect! This kind of treatment would this kind of script would be amazing. Then there is the aggressive amount of insults when the Arab guy walked into the bar was too much and unrealistic. I've been on receiving end of this and racism is more subtle even when direct. You are tackling an important topic here and you want your audience to connect with both sides and shift in their seats. I know what you are trying to do, but I think, less is more, in this case. I liked the idea that the Arab guy was trying to rescue his daughter and that created an emotional humanizing point in the script (clear mission of the hero), but the afterlife panter didn't come up till too toward the end and was too short, which was sad, because I wanted to see more of it. I loved your script and I loved your idea and hope to see this produced one day. Cheers mate and hurray on a good script!

CJ Walley

Thanks so much for all that feedback, Enmerkar. I'll certainly keep all that in mind with the next rewrite :)

Iris Ebia

great logline ...very fitted with intriguing the present and awkward situations we face today!

CJ Walley

Thanks for that, Iris. Yes I wanted to tackle some difficult topics with this one.

W Keith Sewell

Rated this content

W Keith Sewell

This logline fits perfectly for a short. very promising.

register for stage 32 Register / Log In