You got my attention. I would have picked this out of the pile of scripts I pick to read just by the log line. I read it and it is interesting. I just feel like something is missing from the beginning. You need to make it clear what Jack and Jill's mission really is. I know that it is to get water, but why? Maybe spend a little more time establishing characters in the beginning. Develop Jack and Jill's relationship and how they get along together and individually. Be careful of illogical. Jack and Jill were drinking beer before being sent off on a mission? I'm not sure this would happen in the real world. I'd like to see what happens in the rest of the story. Let me know when you write more.

Thanks for reading Kristen! This was actually an "assignment" for the Connecticut Screenwriters Group. Task: recreate a classic story 5 pages or less. I posted to get feedback. I recently sent out my latest feature length and I'm waiting on the coverage. I'll keep you posted.

Nice work. Much more engaging than that fool with the beanstalk. . .

Catherine/Adam! As I posted on your walls thank you for reading! I just noticed your comments (more than 9 months later) oops on my part :-)

The dialogue and visual content kept me interested and reading. I could have used a bit more build-up on the mountain before "the fall", as it happened too fast for me. Perhaps some more banter or other dialogue between Jill and Jack. Enjoyable short.

Thanks for the read Valerie!

Great concept!