Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.

By Jazmen Darnell Brown

GENRE: Comedy, Family, Sports

An eleven year-old orphan coaches a group of unwanted misfits to the PeeWee Soccer League Championship for the chance to kick it with the local World Cup star, who happens to be his father.


Orphan Andy Olleton knows his father is local world cup soccer star Lance Melbourne. He also knows the MVP winner of the PeeWee Soccer League Championship gets to meet him. During the last moments of the Cobras final game, in an effort to win Most Valuable Player, instead of working with his nemesis Pierre, Andy goes it alone and fails, costing his team the title and dashing his hopes of meeting his dad in the process. Ready to try again next season, Andy runs drills daily only to arrive on the first day of practice and learn he's been kicked off due to selfish play. With the help of the wayward orphanage custodian, Hayward, Andy starts a new team, solely comprised of other orphans. However, half of them are unathletic, most of them don't know soccer, and they all hate each other. None of them know how to work as a team, and even worse, neither does their coach, Andy. In order to return to the championship game, defeat his former Cobra teammates, and win the MVP prize to finally meet his long-lost father, Andy has to turn this dysfunction ragtag crew of misfits into a family, the family he's been searching for all along.

Jazmen Darnell Brown

Looking for thoughts and comments on my log lines. I look forward to hearing your feedback.

Jazmen Darnell Brown

Lyse, thank for your feedback. The main character is a kid. I thought about specifying, however, I thought that was covered with the PeeWee Soccer League part. Now that I understand your confusion, I can make the correction.

Kenya Williams

I believe in my opinion that "KID COACH" says it all.... and the log line further confirms why the title is "KID COACH" especially with regards to age of an orphan. I wasn't confused at all, sounds nice. If you were to change anything, you may want to consider the phrase "kick it with". but even that's not necessary. Awesome story and has me interested so far.

Jazmen Darnell Brown

Thanks Kenya!

Jazmen Darnell Brown

Thanks Rody.

Ron Brassfield

Agreed. It seems like a premise with a good commercial potential if it's well written and you can get it into the hands of the right person at the right time. Hit the IMDB and/ or Netflix to find similar, "family-friendly" movies so you can identify the right production companies to call and gauge their interest. Good luck!

register for stage 32 Register / Log In