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By Stevan Šerban

GENRE: Fantasy

An unlikely duo of a wacky magician and a former shaolin nun must stop the released demon to save the kingdom and his lives from the demon’s revenge.




Writen by

Stevan Šerban

WGA 1909840


An unlikely duo of a wacky magician and a former shaolin nun must stop the released demon to save the kingdom and his lives from the demon’s revenge.


One clear, summer's evening, 6,354 years ago, in an inn in a small merchant town, in which locals and passing travellers guzzle down roast meat and knock back wine, pandemonium breaks out. BAD, (30), a rock-n-roll waitress and MAD, (30), an elegant-seeming overnight guest of the inn, are caught stealing 100 ducats from the owner, a theft they carry out quite independently of one another. An all-out fight ensues in the tavern. Bad, thanks to her Karam-Te martial arts skills, a system she has invented herself, and her roguish ways, and Mad using a mass-hypnosis technique, both manage to escape the furious innkeeper and his crazy sons with the little help of the local PICKPOCKET. The Pickpocket takes a liking to Mad and Bad's style as thieves and wants to join them, but Bad is not at all keen on this idea and chases the Pickpocket away. Mad, impressed with Bad's martial arts skills, realises that Bad would be a good ally to have and ensconces himself in her rented room on the outskirts of town. Mad and Bad get ready for bed and argue about who is to blame for them getting caught stealing. The fight ends when Mad and Bad end up in bed and Mad loses his virginity. Continuing to argue in bed, after sex, about whether theft is OK or not, they each reveal the reasons why they rob people for a living. Bad needs money so she can lease a boat and sail to a remote island to meet her real parents, who left her in a strict convent as a baby. Mad is an inventor, magician and poet who is travelling to a far-off land to find a miracle substance he needs to perfect one of his inventions – a strange kind of explosive rubber – and become a renowned scientist, and so he needs money. Enjoying this new sexual experience, Bad agrees to join Mad so they can help each other reach their goals. Bad makes it clear to Mad that he can forget about love, it's just sex! Mad tells her that is OK, he has never known love, but he quite likes the sex.

In a moonlit glade, in front of a small forest hut, a QUEEN stands, staring thoughtfully off into the distance. A rabbit runs by her into an invisible wall and falls down dead. The invisible wall briefly lights up and we see that it is like a large dome covering a large area around the hut. The Queen goes to the rabbit, brings it back to life with a touch of her finger, holds it to herself and sighing deeply heads back to the hut. The King mourns in his palace, cursing the forest in which his queen has become lost, while the PRINCESS tries to comfort him, fawning around him, trying to win his heart. Mad and Bad's leisure-time is not long lived and a little before dawn they are found by the King's Duke and Guards. Mad and Bad manage to escape from the room but after a frantic chase through narrow town streets and across roofs they are caught and taken before the King himself. The King offers them a deal: in return for a pardon, plus a reward, they are to find the King's wife, the Queen, who is lost in an enchanted forest. It's either that or the dungeons. The King takes this desperate step so he can avoid getting married again – to this new Princess they have found for him. The task has to be carried out in secrecy because the King no longer trusts anyone. Having no choice, Mad and Bad agree. In the Princess's secret chamber, clearly a witch's workshop, the Princess paces irritably whilst talking with her ugly assistant FREAK, worried that Mad and Bad will find the Queen and ruin her plans. Freak persuades the Princess that won't happen because Mad and Bad aren't up to the task. Freak cannot hide his infatuation with the Princess, but the Princess does not notice at all.

Mad walks around the palace after the discussion with the King, writing a new poem as he enjoys the moonlight, oblivious to the fact that he has fallen in love with Bad – it has never happened to him before. While walking, Mad happens upon the window of the Princess's secret chambers. Mad peeps in through the window and sees the Princess talking to the WIZARD whom she is in love with, and who has been trapped by a curse in a magic orb. From their conversation Mad realises that the Princess is in fact a witch and is behind the disappearance of the Queen, and that she has done it all so as to get the King to fall in love with her, as that is the only way to lift the curse from the Wizard, whom she is in love with, and free him from the magic orb. Mad, in a panic, heads back to the room he is sharing with Bad and tries to talk her out of going through with the mission they have just accepted because there are evil powers involved. They argue – Bad won't give up on the task because the reward will finally mean she can fulfil her lifelong dream. To cheer him up, Bad makes Mad read her his poem. She likes the poem a lot; she has recognised herself in the poem but doesn't let Mad know. The King enters their room and tells them that they must leave the palace under cover of night so that no-one will know of their secret mission. He also tells them they only have a day-and-a-half to complete the mission, because his marriage to the new Princess is scheduled for noon the day after tomorrow. Mad tries to tell the King what he has just seen but the King has no time to hear him out and urges them to set off straight away.


From the balcony of her secret room, the Princess sees Mad and Bad leaving the castle. The Princess uses her magic and sends her MONSTERS – half-humans, half-animals – to kill Mad and Bad. The MONSTERS catch up to Mad and Bad just before they enter the enchanted forest. After a hard fight, thanks to Bad's unusual martial arts, and with the help, again, of the little Pickpocket, who somehow turns up and uses some strange exploding spheres he has stolen from Mad, they manage to defeat the monsters. The Pickpocket looks silently but imploringly at them. Mad and Bad look at each other and decide to let the Pickpocket join them, realising that he might be able to help them, and they set off in search of the Queen. Mad, Bad and the Pickpocket are standing looking at the huge, thorny hedge surrounding the forest, with no idea how to get in. Mad argues with Bad again, and says they should just give up before they get themselves in even more serious shit. Bad isn't giving up and tells him he is a little pussy and she should never have fallen in with him. The Pickpocket goes closer to the forest to take a better look at the hedge. As he does so, the hedge starts to part by itself and and opening appears, through which the company enters the forest. As soon as they are in the hedge closes up again behind them. The Princess is angry at not having stopped them. The Wizard tells her not to worry – no-one who enters the enchanted forest ever leaves – and he sends her off to work on the King some more. Freak is left along with the Wizard, and after arguing with him realises that the Wizard doesn't care about the Princess at all, he just wants to use her so he can get free of the orb. The Princess tries hard to seduce the King so she can lift the curse from the Wizard, but the King is still pining for his Queen.

As they enter the enchanted forest it seems like their worst nightmare, but as they head further in it becomes more and more like the most beautiful fairytale woodland, with a bewildering variety of unusual plant life and forest fauna. The company realise that the forest is on their side. They find a place to camp in the forest and spend a carefree night there. The following morning, in the Princess's secret chamber, Freak is mixing up some kind of potion in a corner when the Duke walks in, not noticing Freak. Freak hides under the table. The Duke pulls the cloth off the orb and talks to the Wizard. Freak hears the Wizard berate the Duke for not having persuaded the King that he needs to give up on the missing Queen and marry the Princess. The Wizard repeats his promise to the Duke that he will make him King as soon as the Princess becomes Queen and the Wizard is released from the orb. The Duke leaves, satisfied. The Princess enters her chambers angrily and tells the Wizard that the crow has just told her that the forest is acting benignly towards Mad and Bad and leading them straight to the Queen. The Wizard argues with her and calls her incompetent. Freak is listening to everything under the table. The Princess walks up to a cage containing black butterflies of some kind and releases them, then opens a box from which a swarm of winged insects emerge. The butterflies and bugs fly out of the window and head for the forest. The Princess leaves her chamber. Freak comes out from his hiding-place and confronts the Wizard, accusing him of not caring for the Princess. To shut him up he covers the orb with a black cloth and leaves.

The company wakes and forges on with its quest to find the Queen. Mad enjoys the natural beauty along the way and composes a new poem. Bad watches him with a smile. The butterflies and winged insects are close to the forest now. The butterflies transform into dragons and the bugs into hideous, heavily-armed monsters that mount the dragons in mid-flight. The Princess's air force from hell flies over the forest and quickly spots its prey – the company. The enchanted forest fights back fiercely to protect the company. Everyone is involved – from trees to trailing shrubs to the many strange forest creatures. Despite great sacrifice and heavy losses, the enchanted forest defeats the Princess's air force and brings the company before the invisible wall behind which the Queen is held captive. Mad sees the Queen in front of her hut, picking some plants, but the Queen cannot see them through the wall. Mad starts towards the Queen and bumps into the invisible wall, falling down and hitting his head on a large stone slab in front of the wall. Bad slaps Mad and he comes round and sits up. Mad feels the stone under him and then leaps up as though scalded. He then kneels down and starts feeling and sniffing the stone. Mad realises he has finally found the substance he had been seeking. Mad urinates on the stone, right next to the wall, while Bad and the Pickpocket watch in bemusement. Mad and the company then fall back to a safe distance, and using a small mirror he directs the sun's rays to the spot where he has urinated. This causes a violent explosion that makes a huge hole under the invisible wall.

The company sets the Queen free and they discover that the Princess and the Queen are actually sisters, except that the Queen is good while the Princess became evil when she was enchanted by an evil demon that only wants to use her to get free from his orb. When Mad learns that a demon is involved he once again gets scared and wants to back out again. Bad argues with him. To cheer him up, Bad makes Mad read the Queen his poem. The Queen likes the poem and tells Bad she wishes the King would write her a poem like that. Bad begins to stammer and Mad chips in an explains to the Queen that they are just sexual partners. The Queen merely nods, not quite ready for this response from Mad. The Queen explains to them that her marriage to the King is part of a thousand-year alliance between people and elves, intended to keep the doors of hell forever closed and the full power of evil kept trapped in the bowels of the earth. If the Queen is declared dead and the Princess marries the King, the demon will be released from the orb. The Queen's destiny, as the first-born daughter of the Elf King, is to marry the King of the humans. If another woman wins the heart of the King without the help of magic, the demon will be released from the orb. The demon is able to open the doors of hell, and that would release all the forces of evil onto the face of the earth. Mad faints when he hears the end of the story. At she is finishing her story the Queen spies the Princess's crow and uses a spell to put it in a cage. However the Princess has already seen that the Queen is free.

Mad argues with Bad again, telling her that they are not up to the task of fighting witches and demons and that it would be better if these two sister witches agreed between themselves who was to get the King. Bad explains to Mad that if they do not finish the job they started then he can forget about about his inventions or becoming a renowned scientist – there aren't any scientists in hell. And she won't find her parents, either. Mad keeps grumbling, and Bad tells him he is a self-centred shit who can only think of his own worthless ass, and he should sometimes at least think about lifting a finger to help others. Mad nods, reluctantly agreeing with Bad. The company spend the night before the King's wedding in carefree sleep under the protection of the enchanted forest.

The Princess is enraged that her plan has failed, so she casts a love spell on the King just to spite her sister. The King falls under the love spell and announces their marriage for noon the following day. The morning of the King's wedding to the Princess, the company heads out of the enchanted forest and towards the castle. Freak sees the Princess consumed by hitherto unseen evil, and quickly heads out to help the company reach the castle. The Princess sends out trolls to attack the company. In the fierce battle with the trolls, with the help of the Queen's spells, Bad's martial arts and the new SIFOR explosive that Mad has made using the stone from the wood and his urine, and of course with the help of the Pickpocket and Freak, the company defeats the trolls. In the struggle, one troll deals Bad a blow that sends her flying into the lake and, knocked out from the force of the blow she begins to drown. Mad saves Bad but in doing so gets so much water in his lungs that he drowns. Bad begs the Queen to bring Mad back to life. The Queen and Bad argue fiercely – the Queen explains that she may not interfere in life and death where humans are concerned. The Queen sees Bad isn't going to take "no" for an answer, and that the entire mission to save the human race is in doubt, and so she asks Bad to give her one good reason why she should revive Mad. Bad first begins by clumsily listing all the things that Mad has done to save the Queen, but none of these reasons are enough for the Queen. Then Bad asks the Queen whether the fact that she loves Mad is enough of a reason for her to bring him back to life. The Queen merely nods and Mad is immediately restored to life.


Just when they think they have overcome all the obstacles, the company arrives before the castle but is met there by the Duke and the Guard. Determined to finish their mission, the company do battle with the Duke and his Guard and enter the castle; the Duke hides in the Princess's secret chambers.

The company enters the palace. The King, enchanted by the Princess's love spell, does not recognise the Queen and shows no feelings for her. The Queen, shocked by the King's welcome, transforms into an evil witch and confronts her sister. In the final battle between the two witches, lightning and spells fly all around, threatening to bring the palace crashing down. Freak, Mad, Bad and the Pickpocket help the Queen. While the two witches do battle, the Duke takes the opportunity to steal the orb containing the Wizard and flees the castle. Mad spots the Duke escaping and in consternation asks Bad what they should do. Freak suddenly transforms into a huge eagle, and Bad mounts the eagle, as the Pickpocket throws Bad a bow and arrow. Freak flies over the castle walls and catches up with the Duke in a swamp near the castle. Bad takes aim and lets fly an arrow, which hits the Duke. The Duke falls and drops the orb containing the Wizard. The orb rolls away and falls into quicksand. Freak and Bad return to the castle. At the same moment the orb sinks, the Princess awakens from her enchantment and falls to the floor. The Queen readies herself to deliver the final, fatal blow to her sister, but just at that moment the enchantment over the King is broken, too. He finally recognises the Queen and, happy that she is alive and has come back to him, begs her not to do it. The Queen realises the King truly loves her and that he was under a spell, and her good side prevails again. At the same time the enchantment is also broken over Freak, who turns into a good-looking young man. The Princess is still lying on the floor. Beside her, Freak lifts her head. The Princess opens her eyes and sees the handsome young man.

The two sisters are reconciled and use their magic to restore the castle. The Queen is with her King again, and Freak has found love at first sight with the Princess. Mad and Bad get their reward and rent a boat, sailing off together to find Bad's parents and cash in on Mad's new invention, and of course the new member of their company, the Pickpocket, goes with them too.


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