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By Morgan Leo Shnell

GENRE: Comedy

An ex-midget wrestler, an over sexed black man addicted to white women, Miss North Korea and a gay Nazi all work at the Bon Scott Retirement Center for aging dead heads, valley girls, rockers, an emo and head bangers.


We begin in Ozzy Osborne’s room playing suicide solution on the piano all while being tormented by Arnold the Talking Bat and ex-midget wrestler now orderly SWEET N’ LOW checks in on him. Ozzy complains about Arnold but Sweet thinks he’s off his meds again and assures him the voices will go away in about 40 ccs of Thora zine. Polishing her nails at the front desk MISS NORTH KOREA gets into a snarky conversation with the Assistant as she commits her movie producer boss Harvey W to cure him of his sex addiction. Which Miss NK guesses correctly since he’s jacking off in the corner. Meanwhile the afro fantastic VELVET JONES is getting it on behind the counter with a white woman until he’s interrupted by a Messenger with a delivery for Sindrome De Colon Irritable, which a code word for Ralph’s secret lab.

Looking for Harvey Miss NK encounter Sweet N’ Low outside Ozzy’s room waiting for something to happen. They discuss if Rob Schneider shits in the woods would anyone hear it when a scream emanates from inside. They struggle with Ozzy trying to eat Arnold the Bat and resort to shocking him with the Zappa (which is really just a defibrillator). Then they discover a letter explaining that Arnold is a revenge gift from the state of Texas for Ozzy pissing on the Alamo years ago. Meanwhile a naked and jacking Harvey crosses paths with Velvet Jones and the Messenger on their way to Ralph’s lab. There Velvet locks Messenger inside the dank, dark laboratory with the not so blond but highly effeminate RALPH MANNHORE in a short shorted Hitler Youth uniform. Trapped Messenger resists his advances but accidently says he’s gay and with joy Ralph screams “hammer time.”

Velvet drops in on janitor VICK AZZ BOOTY dancing in his office to inquire about a minor repair but can’t get a word in because you can only talk to Vick if you dance along with him. Messenger manages to escape from the lab as Sweet N’ Low come to speak with Ralph about helping to find Harvey. Ralph laughs in his face, so Sweet N’ Low socks him in the nuts, bringing him to his knees and eye to eye with Sweet. Ralph wisely cooperates when Sweet blackmails him about

the obscene e-mails he’s been sending to a male staffer. Velvet struts into the Assistant whom he assumes is looking for a man whose tall dark and handsome such as himself. But when she describes looking for an overweight, much uglier than you, rich jack off, who’s also a female ass grabber; Velvet (using black man’s intuition) correctly deduces she looking for a movie producer. Hanging outside in the garden a Punk, a Deadhead and rather angry NAKED BLACK MAN comment while watching Harvey hump the Jim Morrison memorial statue. Sweet and Ralph chase after Harvey and Miss NK join in chasing him to the cafeteria. At the same moment Velvet sweet talks with the Assistant as Harvey enters and Velvet trips him into the salad. Now caught Assistant demands they help cure him of his sex addiction where upon Miss NK shoots Harvey dead. Assistant screams that “All you had to do was help him not shoot him.” To which Sweet N’ Low replies “your point being?”


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