I didn’t particularly care for the beginning of this story. I thought there was too much time spent on mood and backstory, and nothing about what your protagonist might want. Bateman was just a mystery figure who had very little to say and passively accepted his fate of letting his family get beat up. There wasn’t anything in there to make me care about him. Sluglines are supposed to be to denote locations only. That is so the production people can easily tell the locations they will need to find for the shoot. Stuff that fills the camera like “filament” and “white hand-wraps” should be under description. Also loglines are better when they are one sentence of about 30-35 words and can be stated in one breath. Sorry to be the bearer of negativity. :-) Best wishes.

This is not the first ten pages because there is no start, there's no context of the VO with the visual in the gym. You also have a rather unusual formatting style. I've gotta be honest, that style doesn't appeal to me, I find it very off-putting with the staggered visuals that come from the broken description lines. As a result, I couldn't even give these ten pages my full attention. How long is your feature? If this were formatted correctly you'd probably knock off anywhere from 10-15% of your page count and that is substantial. I'm also wondering if your descriptive lines are a little too descriptive? Keep it simpler otherwise people will accuse this of being a novel in screenplay format. Economy of words is vital in a screenplay. Edit - I went back to read the second half and noticed more issues: As Bateman moves into the house, his phone beeps to signify text messages, you then tell us what the messages say but the visual is Bateman walking through his house. How do we see the messages on the phone? You use paragraphs within dialogue. That's incorrect formatting. Katherine's parenthetical (over and over) is not a parenthetical and shouldn't be there. FADE TO BLACK and FADE IN should only appear once per screenplay. Don't use "we see". What screenwriting software are you using? I noticed a character name and the corresponding dialogue was split over two pages. This shouldn't happen. And, as a final tip, you would have heard the adage, "Show, don't tell". Don't tell us a character lies, show us that they lie.

Sure enough, work your butt off developing a polished draft that reads well and here comes the county of crows swooping down from their perch on the wire. The only opinion that matters is the one from somebody who writes checks. Submit the script to a prominent SP contest or Blacklist. Then you'll know what you have. Good luck.