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By D. E. Jackson

GENRE: Action, Comedy

When a beloved personality's charity campaign triggers a family rival, greed, envy, and suspicion land his empire in the crosshairs of an organic weapons system.


Fredo Corleone contracts Catwoman to whack Santa Claus.

Stemming from the proposition, “What if the food groups were headed by mobsters?”, Guar & Peas takes place in a colorful live-action fantasy world populated by food plants competing for consumer appetite in a market economy where popularity is power.

Newton Apple is a charismatic fruit magnate who’s determined to feed the world’s orphans, even if it means upsetting a few shareholders; because he knows how well the perception of philanthropy will feed his public image and grow his bottom line. But when he learns someone ELSE has been making large, anonymous donations to the Orphans Fund, the perpetually jolly CEO angrily resolves to investigate the mysterious donor seemingly bent on his ruin.

Meanwhile the astounding success of Newton’s campaign impels his bitter rival, the vegetable kingpin Brock, to hatch a plot to “juice Newton.” The attempt fails, however, so spitfire professional Cherry Licorice is hired to finish the job.

Now aware of his marked status, Newton employs a covert network of spies and so learns of Brock’s secret weapons system and, moreover, his “diabolical dental plan.” The two generals wage unconventional warfare on the fields of one Hidden Valley ranch, until an astonishing new arms technology is deployed by the Dairy Council and the Green forces are ultimately creamed.

The arch-nemeses converge in an underground lair and Brock is taken into custody, but not before Newton is badly sliced by the licorice whip.

Brock is sentenced to the cooler—where he’s forced to appear in humiliating “fiber” PSAs—while Newton emerges more popular than ever in a full-body crust and topped with whipped cream. The sexy assassin is compelled to bodyguard a pivotal counterspy, and there blooms an unlikely romance as the anonymous donor is revealed.


Best Screenplay, Honorable Mention: Marina del Rey Film Festival

Semifinalist: WriteMovies

Jim Boston

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