THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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OBLIGATIONS
By Robert James Atton
A full time college student, fired from her job, assumes the responsibility of supporting her alcoholic father at home, whose abusive nature forces her to consider giving up on taking care of him.
SYNOPSIS:
JENNIFER, a twenty year old female takes on the responsibilities of caring for her alcoholic FATHER, and with the loss of her MOTHER, it all makes her life more difficult in trying to get through school and holding onto a full time job; in which she ends up losing and her father might just lose her too if he doesn’t change.
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Hey Robert James Atton , I like the dramatic idea of this story, but I wonder if a few things need to be worked out.
Jennifer loses her job and ends up taking care of her abusive father. Great set up. Many folks would relate to the emotional roller coaster of such a relationship. In the logline, she is set up as the main character. But there are no stakes for her in the logline.
In the logline, she's already lost her job. That she may give up taking care of him is not really a stake. At least, it isn't clear that anything significant rests upon that decision.
In the synopsis, the stakes are she may flunk out of college and lose her job.
But also in the synopsis, the father's got stakes - he may lose his job. Do you see how they are fighting for center stage?
P.S. Also, isn't bartender one word?P.S. If you model your logline after this one, by Raiia Rudenko, it might work a little better.:
"A zealous do-gooder opens her doors to a group of Ukrainian refugees and a possessed chihuahua, turning her family's lives upside down and finding herself on the verge of divorce."
You might consider focusing on Jennifer's problem, her antagonist, and stakes:
A (headstrong? ambitious? independent?) twenty-year old summa cum laude student moves home to look after an abusive alcoholic father, turning her life upside down and finding herself on the verge of flunking out.Just an idea.
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