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THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES

Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.

FINAL GRADE
By Antuan Montreal Lobley

GENRE: Thriller, Horror, Drama
LOGLINE:

After discovering that a group of his rich entitled students killed his family in a hit and run that was covered up by one of the students father, who is running for mayor. The teacher make the class right an essay about their deepest fears which he uses to torture and kill them off. He leaves the essay at the crime scene graded in blood as his calling card.

Josh Hughes

You need to keep it to 2 sentences or less and let us know what's at stake. Right now all you describe is a series of events. Here's my go at it... After a teachers family is killed by a group of his students, he uses a writing assignment to discover their deepest fears. Now he must act fast to kill the group responsible before the end of the school year. (Use the second sentence to describe what will happen if he doesn't kill all of them. Will he get caught? Will the students kill him? There needs to be some sort of time constraint.)

Antuan Montreal Lobley

Thanks for the input! I appreciate this!

Antuan Montreal Lobley

Josh, Do you know of any places I could take my script to be looked at?

Zlatan Mustafica

Interesting... Dark but interesting cinematically speaking. So, it´s about revenge. Sure, but there has to be more. Where´s the conflict? Is the teacher actually just offing these kids one by one? If so... That seems a little thin to be honest. Develop the characters, who they are and why they make choices that they make. They are the movie, not what happens around them or because of them or because your story needs a certain progression. Also, your logline should be able to explain the core sentiment of the film not what happens. Good Luck! :)

Antuan Montreal Lobley

Most helpful Zlatan. I'm working on a new logline right now.

Zlatan Mustafica

One more thing... Start writing another screenplay, like yesterday. :) best way to learn and evolve is to write and write constantly. It´s all in the work Antuan. And like I mentioned earlier, use what Stage 32 has to offer. Sure, some services cost money but you´re investing in yorself here, in your craft, in your future. RB and the rest of the staff here are genuine and they care and work hard to open these doors for us and give us a fighting chance but we have to do the work. Don´t forget that and go for it. Anything is possible.

Josh Hughes

I would post it to reddit Just reading your first page I saw quite a few errors.

Antuan Montreal Lobley

Thanks Josh, I'll do that.

Antuan Montreal Lobley

Thanks for the input Manda!

Antuan Montreal Lobley

I think I got it!

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