After being robbed of normal life and given the power of God their task is to save the world where people are not inclined to change their destructive behavior because a teenager tells them to.
With respect, seems to me the final dozen words of your logline are a bit recursive or redundant and could be replaced with more intriguing detail on some nugget or facet of the story, that would feel to me as if it would fulfill the immense and I think compelling strength of the first component which is so powerful and a grabber.
It's good, in my opinion still a bit long, the syntax is a little odd, maybe just needs a couple of commas, which I normally don't use but if necessary. I might say it like this:
"Robbed of normal life and given the power of the gods, the ReCreators must try to save a world where insanely destructive mobs fuel an age of decadence in defiance of a powerful teenage leader."
just one possible revision, maybe you can bring the characters' traits in more but if not in this case I just tried to punch up the sense of drama while staying with what I think is accurate?
I can see that you have the framework of a compelling story! (If I'm reading it right it almost sounds like a documentary haha that's a bad tragic joke but seriously it really resonates with the zeitgeist!)
Thank you for feedback, Daniel. No, it's not a documentary. It takes place in a fantasy world. I wrote this before Greta, though she could probably qualify :-)
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With respect, seems to me the final dozen words of your logline are a bit recursive or redundant and could be replaced with more intriguing detail on some nugget or facet of the story, that would feel to me as if it would fulfill the immense and I think compelling strength of the first component which is so powerful and a grabber.
Is this new version better, Daniel?
1 person likes this
It's good, in my opinion still a bit long, the syntax is a little odd, maybe just needs a couple of commas, which I normally don't use but if necessary. I might say it like this:
"Robbed of normal life and given the power of the gods, the ReCreators must try to save a world where insanely destructive mobs fuel an age of decadence in defiance of a powerful teenage leader."
just one possible revision, maybe you can bring the characters' traits in more but if not in this case I just tried to punch up the sense of drama while staying with what I think is accurate?
I can see that you have the framework of a compelling story! (If I'm reading it right it almost sounds like a documentary haha that's a bad tragic joke but seriously it really resonates with the zeitgeist!)
1 person likes this
Thank you for feedback, Daniel. No, it's not a documentary. It takes place in a fantasy world. I wrote this before Greta, though she could probably qualify :-)
Rated this logline