THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES

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EVERYONE'S TURN
By Hakim Kisakye

GENRE: Thriller, Crime
LOGLINE:

After police threaten to charge them with killing two alleged robbers, a graduand youth, his girlfriend, and friends tentatively agree to cooperate and engage in risky police investigations against their psycho, criminal university registrar.

SYNOPSIS:

In a first world country, at one of the central police station, is a pissed off commander, cautioning his officers for the bad police image portrayed in the current news papers and the drug abuse taking up the learning institutions, leading deaths of the young generation, he concludes his meeting by demoting two of the detectives to road traffic and demanding the rest to get him the drug supplier.

Aron, one of the five university’s finalized friends, who won the last year’s annual driving race, becoming financially stable, loves his girlfriend still one of the five friends, always wants a win no matter the competition, but short tempered and over protective when it comes to his girlfriend.

One evening after two insulted police detectives flaming the group for murdering two robbers who had invaded there group joint restaurant, tabling them a police offer to join in the investigations against the former university multi-criminal Registrar to clear their names and have their restaurant reopened. Aron finds out that the psycho Registrar had raped his girlfriend, on her way to pick her final academic documents.

Aron intrudes the psycho Registrar amidst his arms’ deal, kills some of the dealers in the exchange of bullets as he tries to kill the Registrar out anger of raping his girlfriend, he and the Registrar escape with injuries as he takes off with the Registrar’s to be exchanged brief case, which he later finds it full of money.

Aron having failed in his attempt to kill the Registrar, back on table with the friends, they accept the police offer in the name of seeking revenge, but insist to the police detectives as it is to be done their way. That very morning Aron bumps into the Registrar’s office having ordered the kidnapping of his daughters, to his surprise, the Registrar is watching himself on the screen as he raped and killed his ex-girlfriend in front of her tied bruised bleeding brother, his best friend and also one of the five friends. Aron angry aims to kill him, but the Registrar skillfully knocks the gun out of his hand, beating him up seriously, Aron weakened and being dragged into the secrete armory within the Registrar’s office, his best friend full of bruises comes to his rescue.

Aron and friends after kidnapping Registrar’s daughters and his best friend escaping out from Registrar’s ware house with a lot of evidence, they realize he has gangs trailing them as the find their home turned upside down, to the worst some of the gangs where their classmates.

Aron having the Registrar’s daughters in his custody, the group gets divided as everyone’s anger towards the Registrar drives them crazy to wanting to deal with him differently. Aron wants to satisfy every offended, he finally promises everyone to have a turn on the Registrar and before handing to the police and emphasizes no one is to kill him at all cost.

Aron kidnaps the Registrar in the attempt of saving his daughter, the offended group each gets a turn on him as the girlfriend unexpectedly castrates him with no anesthesia, putting the entire group on tension as the registrar nears death, the best friend exposes the Registrar publicly, cutting him off any ties, before they hand all the collected evidence to police and have the Registrar arrested.

The Registrar’s kidnapped family finds out the truth about him; Aron seeks forgiveness from the family who in turn also ask him to forgive them for what the registrar did him and the friends. Aron and friends got a lot of the Registrar’s money in the investigation/ revenge process and they are very much loved by the police.

The entire group joined up by the police have a party as they reopen their restaurant and the head of the operation promises them a golden hand shake, the Registrar’s family moves on to live their lives with him spending the rest of his in jail and to them it’s not enough for him.

EVERYONE'S TURN

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Eric Sollars

Rated this logline

Eric Sollars

Interesting and promising.

Nate Rymer

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Matthew Parvin

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Maurice Vaughan

What does "university finalized" mean, Hakim?

Hakim Kisakye

Maurice vaughan, someone who has finished his university degree/ course, but not yet graduated, what do you have in mind.

Hakim Kisakye

meaning graduand

Hakim Kisakye

thanks a lot Maurice, you opened my mind. thanks a lot.

Maurice Vaughan

You're welcome, Hakim Kisakye. Glad the question helped.

I think your logline needs the inciting incident.

Here's a logline suggestion: "After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a graduand youth with his girlfriend and friends tentatively agree to cooperate and engage into risky police investigations against their psycho, criminal university registrar."

Or this one: "After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a graduand youth, his girlfriend, and his friends tentatively agree to cooperate and engage into risky police investigations against their psycho, criminal university registrar.”

Tasha Lewis

Rated this logline

Hakim Kisakye

Maurice, you mean something like this: After a police set up and sexual harassment of his girlfriend, a graduand youth, his girlfriend, and friends tentatively agree to cooperate and engage into risky police investigations against their psycho, criminal university registrar.”

Rutger Oosterhoff

Hi Hakim,

Your logline looks fine.

Scrolled through your screenplay fast.

Three small things focussing on format.

(1)

Front page:

a, underline title

b, delete the logline

c, delete the second mention of your name.

(2)

You have a spec script, so delete "continued" at the beginning and end of every page.

(3) In your scene headers use a period, like "INT." Not "INT:"

Rutger Oosterhoff

Rated this logline

Hakim Kisakye

Thanks Rutger Oosterhoff, I am going to do the need full, but for continued, I don't know how to do it, because I use celtx and automatically does it, but thanks I will check it's settings.

Rutger Oosterhoff

Hakim, I used Celtx, if I am correct you go to "settings" and disable this option.

Hakim Kisakye

Hi Rutger, thanks again I have succeeded with all apart from underling the title, they rest are sorted, by my celtx provides not the option of underling the title.

Maurice Vaughan

Rated this logline

Maurice Vaughan

Sorry for the late reply, Hakim Kisakye. I just saw your comment. Your logline is better. I only have one tiny suggestion: change "engage into" to "engage in."

Rutger Oosterhoff

Yes, celtx ( at least the free version) does not give you the oppertunity to underline the title. Very irritating!

Hakim Kisakye

Thanks Maurice, your a D.

Maurice Vaughan

You're welcome, Hakim Kisakye.

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