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When a Roma psychic troubleshooter, set out with her ghostly sidekick to find a flatlining company's problem, learns that money is stolen to fund finding old Nazi loot, things get personal.
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Hi Marjorie! Great start, the structure is there but you need to answer some questions with specifics. You're using a tagline phrase to close out the logline but really we just need to know what the story is. "It means facing everything but the kitchen sink" is like something we'd see on the back of a book, it's catchy, it's intriguing, but that's not what a logline should really do. That phrase should be replaced with what literally happens up to the act two midpoint. Same with the Dutch Billionaires "problem". Problem isn't specific enough. Also I'm not sure what a "troubleshooter" is as a character trait. I know what troubleshooting is, but it applies to so many things. What specifically does she troubleshoot? You mention the dead pester her, so is she a psychic? A paranormal investigator?
Thank you so much for going over it. I understand what you are saying. How about this then?
When a psychic NY troubleshooter, pestered into reclusiveness by her past and ghosts, is blackmailed into solving a Dutchman’s accounting problem, it means facing Nazi Germany’s horrible past.
I do like discovering that I can write taglines. Hihihi. Have a great day. Greetings Marjolein
Hi Marjolein (sorry for previous typo). I like the specifics, they're strong specifics, but I'm more confused because I don't know exactly what they mean still. Still not sure what troubleshooter means, or what "pestered into reclusiveness by her past and ghosts" is in story context. You just need to get to the point and not try to make it fancy. An example of how to put it all together, keep it simple and clear, while still being specific, would be something like, "A reclusive psychic is blackmailed into solving (insert what the actual problem is in as few words as possible) for a (adjective about the Dutchman but don't say Dutchman because that's not a character trait that's a nationality) which leads her to (whatever you mean by Nazi Germany's horrible past, literal nazi ghosts? Horrors of the holocaust?)."
No problem. I am not trying to make it fancy. I just looked for words that explained what was going on. A troubleshooter is a person skilled at solving or anticipating problems or difficulties. I make it clear what kind of troubleshooter she is by stating the man has an accounting problem. About the "pestered" she sees ghosts all the time. If she's on the street she sees past accidents for instance. Any death that happened, dead person or animal might pop up. If someone touches her, she sees something of their past, etc. It all stops her from leading a normal life. About her past. She was adopted by a televangelist couple who signed her over to a priest because they were convinced she was possessed. So I chose pestered. I could change it to "hiding?"
When a reclusive secretly psychic troubleshooter, hiding from her past and constant ghosts pop-ups, is blackmailed into solving a man's accounting problem...
So then there is the last bit left to sort out.
While she is troubleshooting she finds out, through her gift, that the brother of the Dutchman (who is the accountant) is hanging with man who was a Nazi in WWII and that somehow it is linked to the accounting problem So she has get even more out of her shell, communicate with people which she sucks at, follow her gift and the ghostly pop-ups of Nazi Germany, death camps, Jews etc. to get to the bottom of it.
This is what I have ended up now.
When a reclusive secretly psychic troubleshooter, hiding from her past and constant ghosts pop-ups, is blackmailed into solving a man's accounting problem, she finds a connected Nazi problem that needs fixing too.
Is this better? Thank you for helping me get to the bottom of it. I really appreciate it.
I'm picturing something like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but "accounting problem" and "old Nazi mystery" are a bit too vague. What exactly is she up against? How does she use her psychic ability?
Thanks for looking at my logline. Okay, I am starting over cause I can't see it anymore. What about this:
When a gypsy psychic troubleshooter sets out, with her ghostly sidekick to find a flatlining company's problem, learns that money was stolen to fund finding old Nazi loot, things gets personal.
I'm thinking something like;
"When a resourceful young clairvoyant is blackmailed into cooking the books for a powerful socialite, a dangerous game of cat and mouse ensues when she links his wealth to an old Nazi plot, putting her wits to the test and using the information to free herself or become buried by it."
Even that would need a bit more work perhaps, but you get where I'm going with it. The Dutchman is an accountant? I'm no finance whiz but I also don't think accountants need others to fix their financial issues, not on paper at least.
It sounds interesting, and I am very intrigued by this idea you have. But I also see where some of the other commenters are coming from and I have to admit I agreed with a few of them. Still, I think this will be the first script I read. Looking forward to it!