When an arrogant Investment banker is pulled over on a DUI he is taken to a rundown holding facility where he spends a frustrating and increasingly dangerous night with a variety of characters that all share a connection. Limited location. (The Usual Suspects, Stalag 17)

SYNOPSIS:

Holding Cell by Alan Barkley - Consolidation Coverage Abbott Entertainment Avg. JW FM

Pacing: 3.5 3 4 Clarity: 4.0

4 4 Conflict: 4.0 4 4 Premise: 3.0 3 3 Dialogue: 3.5 3 4 Originality: 3.54 3 Structure: 3.0 3 3 Formatting: 3.5 3 4 Grammar: 4.0 4 4 Character: 3.5 3 4 Overall: 3.0 3 3 Classifications: Genres: Similar Films: Location: Time Period: Budget: Readers:

Character Driven, Film, Fiction, Live Action, Independent (avant- garde) Thriller/ Suspense The Usual Suspects, Inside Man, Stalag 17 Holding facility, Car, Theatre, Hospital, Office, Hotel, Street, Bungalow Present Day

100,000-500,000&500,000-2,000,000 Rating: R Pages: 91 Jeffery Wright (JW), Freeman Montaque (FM)

Screenwriter Logline:

When investment banker, Alex Smart, is pulled over on a DUI he is taken to a rundown holding cell. Things get worse.

Jeffery Wright Logline:

A hot- shot banker is jailed for a DUI charge and he meets a handful of interesting characters that accompany him through the strangest night of his life.

Freeman Montaque Logline:

An investmant banker on his way to an important business meeting finds himself in a holding facility that boasts a variety of criminals who share a connection.

Synopsis:

When investment banker ALEX SMART (38) is pulled over for a DUI, he's taken to a rundown Los Angeles holding cell by corrections officer OWEN (40). As he arrives, the lights flicker off and on, a frequent power outage blamed on an impending storm. Alex tries to talk his way out of his predicament so that he can attend his board meeting, which takes place in six hours. There, he will receive a multi- million dollar bonus. But Holding Cell Jailor, JULIA (33), is implacable.

Julia orders Alex to surrender all possessions, but he balks at relinquishing his suspenders and belt. Embarrassed by his recent weight loss, Alex fears his pants will not stay up. Reluctantly, Julia lets him keep his belt. Alex dials his lawyer GERARD (40) on the mobile phone, but Owen takes it away, in the process disconnecting Gerard just as he answers the call. Owen manhandles an angry Alex into his cell, where he joins a scared teenager, TRAVIS, and, in the adjoining cell, ZOMBIE GIRL (25).

Alex convinces Travis to remove a loose ceiling panel and to crawl over the bars to retrieve his phone on Julia's desk. At the last minute, however, Travis gets scared, and Zombie Girl offers to do it for money. When Owen leaves to fetch another prisoner and Julia uses the staff washroom, Zombie Girl climbs over the bars. Julia catches her, cuffs her, and tosses her in with the two men, taking away her separate gender privilege.

The new transfer, COOK, (45), is a meths 'chemist' with Tourette- like symptoms, but Alex discovers his condition is a ruse to mask phone calls to supervise a large order for his drug boss, MILLER (40). Alex blackmails Cook for his phone. When the connection with Gerard breaks up, Alex's agitated voice attracts Owen's attention, and he seizes the phone, angering Cook, who fears retribution from Miller over his unfilled order. Cook attacks Alex and, during their fight, Alex knocks him to the floor. Later, Julia and Owen find Cook with his neck wrapped to the bars with a leather belt. Alex's belt is not in his trousers. Cook appears barely alive when EMT techs and Owen whisk him away.

When Gerard finally arrives he tells Alex that, with this assault charge hanging in the air, he can't get Alex released in time for his morning meeting. Alex decides to give Gerard the Power of Attorney to attend the meeting as scheduled. Although opposed, Gerard leaves to get documents for Alex's signature.

Cook's boss, Miller, arrives, looking for Cook. After deriding the financial expertise of Alex's "Smart Money" investments, Miller leaves. Gerard returns and Owen hears Julia's worried story about Miller's visit. Owen tells Julia he has to go back to the hospital to deflect any criticism of her management of the facility. On the remote chance Miller comes back, Owen tells Julia to give him the keys to the prisoners and to bring out her locked- away Beretta.

After Owen leaves, Gerard walks up the stairs with the signed papers, but he is stopped by Miller, returning with henchman TWICE (25). Miller now knows that Cook is critically injured, and he blames Alex. When Julia reaches protectively for her Beretta, Twice hits her unconscious with his handgun. Hoping to get them to leave, Alex tells Miller that Owen has the keys. But Miller uses Julia's phone to text- message Owen to come back.

When Gerard makes what he believes is a convincing argument that Alex did not harm Cook, Miller shoots Gerard. Miller and Twice then confront the returning Owen and, after an exchange of gunfire, return with the keys just as the lights go out again. In the dark, Travis helps Alex escape into the office area. He then goes to rescue Zombie Girl, who has been dragged outside by Twice. Hearing shots, Alex realizes that Travis has been killed, leaving him completely alone. Delirious with fear, Alex barricades himself in the staff washroom.

We discover that Julia, Cook and Gerard are alive and that everything has been an elaborate charade to regain the money each person has lost from Alex's Bernard Madoff- like investment scam. Julia is an actress, Owen is a banker in Alex's company (and also played Miller), Cook is an SEC official, Twice is a hotel valet, Zombie Girl is a concierge and Travis is a Marine. The crew drives into Los Angeles for Gerard's lucrative meeting with the Board.

Jeffery Wright Comments:Jeffery Wright Comments:

OVERALL (3) "Holding Cell" is an interesting character- driven drama that bends rules on conventional structure. The ensemble cast of characters allows for multiple levels of conflict. Though it may not hold to standard conventions, the resolution has a whopper of a reveal that serves as the basis of all the conflict. Though some plausibility problems keep it from shining, the powerful reveal at the end and the original approach keep it satisfying. Plus, the expected budget is super low.

PREMISE (3) Alex Smart (38) is arrested for a DUI charge and brought into a holding cell by his captors, Owen (35) and Julia (33). In his cell, he meets cellmates Travis (19) and Zombie Girl (25). Alex attempts to get his lawyer Gerard (40) on the phone, as he has an important board meeting to attend to. He fails and Julia takes his phone away. Cook (50), a meth- maker, is transferred into the cell. Alex finds he will not be able to attend the board meeting, where he will get a bonus of millions of dollars. He gives power of attorney over to Gerard, so he can attend the meeting. Alex is framed for choking Cook with his belt, and Cook is rushed away to emergency services. Miller appears, demanding to know why Cook was

hospitalized, as Miller is Cook's boss. He appears with Twice (25), and there is a massive shootout in the dark, where Alex escapes into a staff bathroom armed with a baretta. He hears all of the inmates get shot and he believes he is all alone. The truth is revealed-- everyone involved was scammed by Alex out of all of their money in the past, and they group together to construct an elaborate hoax to leave Alex scared and penniless.

While marketability is solid, the premise is a bit difficult to convey. This is due to its simplistic and powerful nature. However, the conflict is universal, as each of the characters involved with Alex Smart has been hurt in some fashion. Since there are no subplot deviations, full focus is put on Alex Smart and the characters out to seek revenge on him.

CHARACTER (3) The myriad of characters allows for multiple levels of conflict, with some plausibility problems. Alex Smart is heralded as the main character. He is likable and yet flawed. Each of the characters has his or her own internal desires, such as Julia, who desires to be an actress, and Zombie Girl, who is the concierge of a hotel. The resolution reveals that all these characters are intimately connected by a common desire with different motives. However, Owen disguises himself as Miller, and Alex sees Owen multiple times. Owen simply disguises himself with sunglasses and a hat, which don't do much for a disguise. It is a bit implausible that Alex wouldn't discover that Miller was simply Owen in disguise.

STRUCTURE (3) The odd, functional structure skips a central dramatic question, saving for a powerful resolution. The inciting incident of Alex being jailed is almost immediate. Exposition is kept to a strong minimum. Due to its simplistic structure, there are no subplots. The redeeming factor of structure is the resolution, which reveals and provides a basis for all conflict throughout.

DIALOGUE (3) Much of the dialogue focuses on voice. Julia often has a dry, commanding voice. Cook often has his episodes of echolalia, which provides for some comic relief against other characters' lines (33.2). A lot of lines contribute to rising conflict. However, the dialogue in the first ten minutes is often static, especially the banter between Alex and Julia (7).

CONFLICT (4) Rising conflict allows for an engaging read. Each of the characters faces internal conflict instigated by Alex-- his scheme to pull money out of stock directly affects each of them in some manner, whether it be Travis's grandfather committing suicide over money loss, or Zombie Girl's loss of her hotel. The characters are introduced nicely, as each one presents a greater level of conflict for Alex to face. He first meets Julia, Owen and his inmates, who immediately distrust him. Then he meets Cook, who poses a greater threat. Miller visits the holding cell and threatens Alex. Finally, Twice comes in with weapons, staging an elaborate setup to scare Alex out of his wits.

PACING (3) Due to the page length, pacing is tight and equal time is spent between the most important characters. Some dialogue- driven sequences drag a little, yet still keep the conflict engaging.

ORIGINALITY (4) The setup is quite funny-- a hot- shot banker, a marine, a strange girl obsessed with zombies and a strange meth dealer end up in one cell together. While some

of the characters are a little archetypal-- such as Miller, the drug lord, and Twice, his hired hand-- they are used in interesting ways.

WRITING ABILITY (4) The action and description is simple, not flowery. There's a nice attempt to avoid redundancy of pronouns. Some of the important action is capitalized to allow for quick scanning. Grammar (23.1, 34.8) and spelling (44.1) errors are minimal. The formatting is proper.

Freeman Montaque Comments:

OVERALL (3) "Holding Cell" is an effective, engrossing drama that benefits from nicely drawn- out characters, sharp dialogue, strong pacing and excellent writing ability. The main character faces plenty of challenges throughout. The traditional three- act structure is followed, resulting in an original conclusion that proves satisfactory.

PREMISE (3) Alex Smart, 38, is a savvy banker who doesn't have time to waste in a holding cell. Tomorrow morning, he has an important meeting to attend, one that will yield a multi- million dollar bonus. Unfortunately for him, a DUI charge doesn't sit well with Julia, 33, a by- the- books corrections officer. Despite Alex's best efforts, she insists that he comply with her rules. Initially, her co- worker, Owen, 40, attempts to defend Alex's actions, but he soon grows tired of the constant whining and rule- breaking. Alex is put in a cell with Travis, a teenager terrified of how his grandfather will react to his jailing. In an adjacent cell sits the witty Zombie Girl, 25. A new transfer, Cook, 45, enters Alex's cell. Posing as a man with Tourette Syndrome, Cook hides a phone on his person, hoping to contact his drug boss, Miller, 40. Alex pleads for a chance to talk with his lawyer for few moments. He gets caught, and a fight breaks out between Alex and Cook. Later on, Cook is found with a belt around his neck. Alex's lawyer Gerard, 40, arrives. Given the suspicious nature of how the belt ended up around Cook's next, Alex gives Gerard the Power of Attorney to attend tomorrow's meeting, assuming Alex cannot make it himself. Miller arrives, looking for Cook. He and his henchman, Twice, wreak havoc in the facility. Julia is viciously hit with the butt of a gun, and Gerard is shot in the chest. Miller and Twice head outside and finish off Owen before doing away with both Zombie Girl and Travis. Alex, now free from his cell, locks himself in the staff washroom. The entire incident proves to have been a set- up. No one was actually killed, as all the other

members of the facility were in on the scam. Each person was somehow afflicted by Alex's greed prior to the events of the previous night.

members of the facility were in on the scam. Each person was somehow afflicted by Alex's greed prior to the events of the previous night. With Alex now locked up, the rest of the "criminals" can take advantage of the lucrative meeting in Los Angeles.

The idea of a group of people going to great lengths to set another man up is a concept that is executed well here. Owen's ability to pose as two different people proves believable, as Miller conceals his face with shades and a hat. Additionally, the two characters never appear in one place at the same time. The conclusion makes for an effective, unpredictable ending.

Nevertheless, given the number of years Owen worked at the investment company, wouldn't Alex recognize his face, even if he never recalled his name?

CHARACTER (4) Characters are well- developed. Each has his or her own distinct voice. Even Miller stands in stark contrast to Owen (which makes the reveal all the more unexpected). Each character serves a purpose.

STRUCTURE (3) The three- act structure is followed. The second act changes the direction of the drama, with the appearance of Miller and Twice and their violent tendencies. However, this sudden switch proves to be a positive, making for an even more engaging experience. The denouement boasts a surprising yet satisfactory outcome.

DIALOGUE (4) Dialogue is strong. Conversations mostly consist of concise lines of speech. The voiceover from Travis proves effective, particularly in the end.

CONFLICT (4) There is a good amount of conflict for the protagonist to face. Aside from being held up in a cell, he has to deal with Travis and Zombie Girl, the latter of whom turns on him after she is not compensated for her troubles. The guards confiscate Alex's phone. Cook's death destroys his chances of leaving early, considering that his belt was involved (which nicely ties back to Julia's apprehension towards the belt in the beginning).

PACING (4) Pacing is solid. Succinct dialogue helps move things along at an appropriate speed in the first half. The potentially fatal combination of Miller and Twice enhances the second segment.

ORIGINALITY (3) Despite the fact that the majority of the action takes place in one location, "Holding Cell" works. It maintains a sense of freshness and innovation throughout. Certain events occur (i.e. Gerard getting shot, Owen's role- playing, everyone's involvement) that are unexpected.

WRITING ABILITY (4) Writing ability is good. Descriptions of objects (2.6 - "Behind the counter. . .") and characters (54.7 - "Miller enunciates each word like a savory morsel") enhance the experience. Nevertheless, a few details are not needed (1.7 - "to hide the stress of the situation" / 7.7 - "Giving her his things will not expedite matters" / 10.1 - "Alex looks unexpectedly awkward" / 33.3 - "She needs to ensure the cell is calm" / 71.7 - "He turns to Miller as he might a judge which, after all, he is"). "CONT'D" is not used properly throughout (3.8 - JULIA (CONT'D) "You stay tonight. . ." not JULIA "You stay tonight. . ." / 4.2 - OWEN (CONT'D) "So I can't be here. . ." not OWEN "So I can't be here. . ." / 4.5 - ZOMBIE GIRL (CONT'D) "It looks like you're saying. . ." not ZOMBIE GIRL "It looks like you're saying. . ."/ 4.8 - JULIA (CONT'D) "Turn and face. . ." not JULIA "Turn and face. . ." / 5.3 - JULIA (CONT'D) "Pull up your sleeves. . ." not JULIA "Pull up your sleeves. . ." / etc.). There are a few spelling mistakes (14.8 - "through the bars" not "thought the bars" / 73.8 - "sound emits from" not "sound emits form"). There are some punctuation issues (23.1 - "What are you talking about?" not "What are you talking about." / 25.6 - "climbs back down, sits" not "climbs back down sits" / 33.8 - "What's his name?" not "What's his name." / 34.8 - "Stalag Seventeen. I'm. . ." not "Stalag Seventeen I'm" / 37.3 - "back at Cook, who" not "back at Cook who" / etc.). Certain sentences are either awkwardly stated (57.7 - "He hands the

papers to Alex and a pen") or don't make sense (42.4 - "Cook sits, Owen looks that impressive"). At one point, the wrong character says a line (81.8 - TRAVIS "I'm going to get Ariel" not MILLER "I'm going to get Ariel"). city or his meeting with the Smart Money board to pick up and divide Alex's bonus money.