SYNOPSIS:

PETER EVANOVICH (late 30s-early40s) likes birthday surprises just as much as the next guy, but when those surprises come in the form of cheating girlfriends, pink termination slips, paper cuts, and guilt-inducing mothers, it’s enough to put even Jesus Christ over the edge. All of these events culminating at once send Pete in search of a quick, painless end. After a bit of research, he finds the suicide method he’s been searching for: death by hibachi! Pete quickly snatches the Weber grill from his small balcony, wrestles it into his even smaller bathroom, and slams the door. Sweet release will soon be his. He snaps up the bag of charcoal and pours out…three, sad, little briskets: enough to kill maybe an ant in a small metal lockbox. He shakes the can of lighter fluid: empty. Undeterred by this little setback, Pete scoops up the keys from his kitchen table and heads out the door to the grocery store. JESSICA (5-6) is also having a bad day…following her mom around the grocery store. After politely asking for the large package of Oreos, she’s instead presented with a package of flax seed cookies. She wants the chocolate ice-cream, but mom insists that the all-fruit, sugar-free popsicles are the smarter choice. But no worries, Jessica manages to slip the Oreos beneath a head of Romaine lettuce undetected, at least for the time being. In another aisle, Pete locates the charcoal, but of course the lighter fluid is nowhere to be seen, so off he goes in pursuit of an attendant. Meanwhile, Jessica has found a cure for her utter boredom: condensation. She opens the refrigerated door and draws a huge smiley face, and then write “Hi!” beneath it. At this, mom is not happy. She reprimands her daughter for getting her fingerprints all over the glass. After confronting a stock boy on his lack of work ethic, Pete waits for the boy to return from the back room when he notices the smiley face. The smiley face that says “!iH”. Try as he might, he can’t stop the edges of his lips from curling upward. The briskets flood into the grill, followed by a generous amount of lighter fluid. But wait, the grill is back outside, and soon doing its job on a burger and a couple of dogs – just in time to meet Pete’s cute new neighbor, STACY ( mid 30s), who’s checking out the beautiful view from her own balcony next door. Sometimes it takes only a couple of hours to realize life isn’t so bad after all.

DEATH BY HIBACHI (SHORT)