A stranded Alien Janitor teams up with the Border Patrol who caught him to stop his ships RATROACHES before they infest our Planet. IF they can avoid the rest of the government that is trying to snatch up the Alien to stick him in Area 51.

Ok, its kinda like NCIS meets E.T.  While going to Animal House...

SYNOPSIS:

Illegal AlieN

by

Tom PeTers

Tom PeTers

[513] 545-6370

Triphik@yahoo.com

1600 Thompson Heights Ave.

Suite 302

Cincinnati, Ohio 45223

U.S. Copywrite# 1-4238623329

WGA#1872647

BLACK FRAME 1.

QUOTE APPEARS:

“Two possibilities exist:

either we are alone in the universe

or we are not.

Both are equally terrifying.”

~Arthur C. Clarke

FADE TO BLACK

NEXT QUOTE APPEARS:

“If aliens ever come here, they‘d most likely be

biologists or music fans.

Neither one has much reason to antagonize

our armed forces.”

~Seth Shostak S.E.T.I.

FADE TO:

BLACK - FADE IN NIGHT SKY FULL OF STARS PAN DOWN

EXT. TEXAS/MEXICO BORDER DESERT SCRUB – NIGHT

SONG: “alien concept trk 1st 3 mins” by Triphik@youtube.com

PANS slowly over desolate sand and cacti with a scampering

lizard. We slowly PAN over desert several moments until

we come across a large ALIEN SPACE CRAFT parked on the

desert sand. CAMERA slowly ZOOMS towards skin of CRAFT

DISSOLVES:

INT. ALIEN CRAFT 'CONTROL ROOM'- LIGHTED

through skin, revealing the stunning huge interior. It is

dramatically elegant but simple in an odd other-worldly way.

We slowly look over the unique CONTROL ROOM with several ALIENS

nonchalantly moving about doing unusual alien things.

Then we travel down a hallway, looking into a room where

CUT TO:

INT. ALIEN CRAFT ‘LUNCHROOM‘ - LIGHTED

A few ALIENS are apparently eating and casually chatting.

Billows of steam occasionally spout upward. Tall plants are

in several spots bearing bright blue fruit. We continue moving

to a long-ish hallway, which becomes progressively more dank

and dirty as we go. It opens up into a

CUT TO: 2.

INT. ALIEN CRAFT ‘CARGO BAY‘ - LIGHTED

We come into a crowded noisy room with weird gear hung

haphazardly on the walls. Other odd containers are stored on the

floor and wall recesses. Badly. You don't have to be ‘a boss‘ to

know that this CARGO BAY is a hot mess.

An ALIEN approaches down the hallway towards us, accompanied by the weirdest sound imaginable.

SFX:

SONG: "I want yer CLEETUSz" by Triphik (concept mix on youtube)

As he comes closer the noise gets louder, and can only be

described as Yoko Ono singing live at a violent train wreck.

His body is mostly hidden by the huge stack of whatever it is he

is moving. He grunts oddly and shoves the load into a CHEWING(?)

wall recess, where it disappears in a most disturbing fashion.

The ALIEN is SAMEEKERUS, and he ain't from around here.

But his space coveralls could be. Compared to the other crew

members we saw before, he looks a little rumpled and dirty.

With his terrible music still playing, he looks at four

garbage-ish bags, makes a face and grabs them.

He starts trudging towards another alcove with bags in tow.

ANGLE ON CUT TO:

EXT. DESERT - TEXAS MEXICO BORDER – NIGHT

New view of CRAFT EXTERIOR In desert near a rock outcrop

with sparse vegetation around it. The view shows the alarming

size of craft stretching away from view.

CAMERA POV

is high over ALIEN SHIP edge looking down on it (cheaply- like

a night vision security CAMERA). A seam appears in the skin of

the craft and enlarges as a doorway. A ‘CHERRY-PICKER-THING'

sprouts out of the hole with a box on the end of the arm similar

to an old time phone booth. SAMEEKERUS is at the controls,

standing at the window.

CUT TO:

EXT. DESERT GROUND VIEW - UFO IN BACKROUND - NIGHT

SAMEEKERUS is eyeballing the ground for a good spot to set the

box down. He smoothly sets it down near a rock outcrop.The booth

door opens and the ALIEN backs out, dragging the bags. One of

the bags is MOVING but he does not notice. Or care.

He leans the bags against the rock pile a few feet apart from

each other. He backs away about ten feet. Pulling his Popeil

pocket ray gun out, he laserbeams one bag, which glows- then

explodes in a billow of smoke.

Then another bag, while the moving bag seems to become 3.

more agitated. It bursts open and an ALIEN RATROACH CRITTER

lumbers out of the bag and starts ambling toward the underbrush.

SAMEEKERUS shoots his ray gun at the RATROACH CRITTER,but misses

badly as the RATROACH thing disappears into the brush. He whips

out a COMMUNICATOR DEVICE with a video screen and his ALIEN

SUPERVISOR appears on it. SAMY speaks into it rapidly, looking

worried.

SAMEEKERUS

Trem clotra ikken MOTROO koshto ummmm...

The SUPERVISOR starts jerking agitatedly, obviously upset.

ALIEN SUPERVISOR

Vestat MOTROO statum dawkaw puu terdana!

Then, as if chiding SAMEEKERUS, the SUPERVISOR pulls his

stretchy suit top out several inches, and lets it snap back.

ALIEN SUPERVISOR

SAMEEKERUS raddun CLEETUS! ARTINUM

EARTH SAFETY nostrunum CLEETUS!

SAMEEKERUS ducks his head rapidly in obvious submission and

switches his DEVICE off. He hustles back to his 'telephone booth

cherry picker' and quickly moves back into the ship.

[-SPOILER ALERT!- THIS SHOT exaggerates the ‘garbage bags‘

SAMEEKERUS leaves behind in his flustered state, as the

cherry picker leaves our view back into the ship. Viewers

should have it fixed firmly in mind that the bags are

forgotten in the desert. We will have fun with them later.]

CUT TO:

INT. ALIEN CRAFT- 'AN ALIEN LOCKER ROOM' – LIGHTED

SONG: Heyoka - “Fracula” -youtube

SAMEEKERUS practically runs to a row of storage devices and

yanks one open, while simultaneously loosening his coveralls.

He slips his clothes off; Then there he stands!

In all of his nekkid ALIEN GLORY! He is humanoid, but looks

like a cross between fish scales and an armadillo.

One thing is certain- We can‘t unsee SAMEEKERUS!

SPFX-CGI:

He is DEFINITELY NOT from around here. But when leaving ship on

any planet, as the SUPERVISOR reprimanded him, you have to

‘GEAR UP‘ with the off-ship safety ‘kit‘. He reaches into

the storage box and pulls out a sort of cage with air holes.

He opens it and reaches in, lifting out a dripping 4.

gelatinous MASS of moving, slimy tissue: meet CLEETUS.

He speaks soothingly to it, as if to an old friend...

SAMEEKERUS

Nemm to doe, klaatu barada nikto CLEETUS.

SFX-SPFX-CGI

The CLEETUS makes a warm, friendly sound, stops dripping that

nasty slime, and dries up instantly. CLEETUS OOZES and FLOWS up

SAMEEKERUS' arms, thinning and spreading out over the ALIEN

torso like a thick layer of elastic paint. Enveloping SAMY‘s

head, human features begin to define and detail onto the CLEETUS

covering, as it does its job:

be a PET, a DISGUISE and PROTECT your master. Hair sprouts from

where the CLEETUS covered SAMY‘s head, the skin still moving and

settling like wax melting backwards. A fine HUMAN face is

appearing- and BODY! SAMY is naked, and is now encased in a

human body disguise.

SLOW PAN:

CAMERA close shot PANS down his forehead-nose-chin-neck-chest-

of the still mutating and rippling CLEATUS skin suit/disguise.

He is transforming into a thirty year old good looking Caucasian

man! It is an excellent disguise, and, anatomically correct,

judging by (continuing down PAN) the nipples, belly button,

midriff annnnd just before down-pan makes us lose the rating;

(SAMEEKERUS TURNS walking toward a wardrobe stack)

--his cute butt. He chooses denim jeans, a T-shirt and a

zippered Hoodie. He hurriedly dresses (like a college kid

busted in the wrong dorm). Lastly, he grabs a pink

“Hello Kitty” Backpack: He REALLY ain't from around here!

CHANGE ANGLE/LOCKER ROOM

POV behind an alien gear hardware table. SAMY is in the

background, now approaching the gear table. Time to do the

standard off-ship gear pack. Opening his ‘Kitty‘ backpack, SAMY

selects several items, putting them in the bag. He pauses and

studies a TABLET kind of device, then tosses it in the bag also.

He turns towards the phone-booth ‘cherry-picker‘ exit device

(visible in back of this SHOT), and walks toward it,

‘Hello Kitty' pack slung over his shoulder.

CUT TO:

INT. HIGH TECH U.S. MILITARY SITUATION ROOM - LIGHTED

An ARMY GENERAL, AIR FORCE GENERAL, and a MAN IN BLACK 5.

are standing at a console watching a large SITUATION screen

with a map overlay showing on it. The room is full of phones,

computers, display screens, and several uniformed techs are

bustling about in the background doing military diligence.

V.O. [Morgan Freeman would be fine!]

There are quiet places that most people don't know about-

where skilled experts do very difficult jobs to protect the

public trust. The secrets they guard would amaze most of us.

But for them, it is just another day at the office...

ARMY GENERAL JOHN CARLSON

So how long has that damn thing been

sitting there, LANCE?

A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER

A couple hours. They didn't fly around

sight-seeing either. They just came

into the atmosphere, flew straight down

to that piece of desert like they pay

rent there, and plopped down.

GENERAL JOHN CARLSON

Well I got no boots on the ground

anywhere near there. I got people in

Yuma, but they are three hours away.

A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER

Hell, John, I got boots at Davis Base

an hour away. [chuckles] Heck, I don't

even need my planes! I can see the

headlines now! 'Air Force walks down

to Mexican Border and snatches little

gray alien beasties up!‘

ELRON [MAN IN BLACK]

Reptilians, not Grays, General. That

size of ship is more their style.

Are you sure they didn't crash, Lance?

A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER

Not unless they crashed at 2 miles

per hour! We had them on satellite

right down to the ground. Then we

lost the signal which, uhhmmm

(Looks at nearby technicians working on an

opened- up equipment console.)

I guess is still on the fritz. I wonder

what the heck is down there, anyway?

[CONT‘D] (He turns to computer, taps some keys.) 6.

HA! Nothing. Serious nothing- it's

unpopulated. The 'Zona de Silencio'-

Zone of silence desert in northern Mexico.

ELRON [MAN IN BLACK]

(Looking at computer screen with LANCE.)

Huge deposits of Magnetite ore. No radio,

TV, or short wave reception there. Biggest

meteorite ever witnessed and then found

on the ground came from there- 240 pounds.

A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER

Hells Bells! That’s where we had a

White Sands test missile 'fly away'to, back

in 1970! We had to go pick it up and had

no communications the whole time they were

down there. That was before EMP shielding.

GENERAL JOHN CARLSON

Lets GO, boys- move it or milk it! Those

Reptilian fella's won't stay there forever.

SONG: “York Street” by Single cell Orchestra -youtube

A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER

(Picks up a phone.)

Get me Area 51...

(Types on the computer.)

Well howdy Gene! You keeping all them UFO

watchers off my airfield? Well good, good.

Well it seems like we got us a ‘Squatter‘

down just past the Texas border. I want

you to put a couple F117's on it and see

if them bird dogs can jump that pigeon up.

It's a 500 foot UFO that's in your backyard.

I have just sent you the coordinates.

(Pauses, listening- shakes head- 'NO'.)

NO, don't shoot it! Film and all the SCI-FY

tests for radiation and stuff. If you

catch them on the ground put dye markers

down, ‘cause we can't get a satellite fix

on it. As a matter of fact, your radios

may not work. It's at the 'Zona de Silencio'.

YUP, where that missile got side-tracked years ago.

ELRON [MAN IN BLACK]

And several private plane crashes... Tell

him to keep a running ground log of the area

in case we need to discourage spectators.

[CONT‘D] A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER 7.

HEY, Gene- run your W.A.M.I. and body detectors

in case we got some witnesses. Don't want

any pictures on the cover of UFO Magazine,

now do we? Oh, and pipe those Nighthawk

planes through to me here. Great. See you

around. Oh! And tell Donna I said ‘Hi'!

(Hangs up phone.)

GENERAL JOHN CARLSON

I guess I will just make some coffee

and play solitaire while you guys

protect us from the big bad space

boogeymen, huh? Anybody for doughnuts?

ELRON and LANCE laugh and they go back to watching the SITUATION

screen. As they watch a screen next to it pops on, labeled ‘NIGHTHAWK/MAJOR WALLEN/”Cowboy”‘.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. DESERT - ALIEN SHIP – NIGHT

Outside the ALIEN CRAFT, the ‘cherry-picker‘ arm is out of the

ship and on the ground. SAMEEKERUS is several feet away from it

using his Tablet-like thing, slowly ‘panning‘ the area by the

remaining bags searching for his escaped RATROACH MOTROO. He

pulls out his Popeil pocket ray gun, peers into the night

cautiously. He wanders slowly and carefully down the line of

rocks, watching the tablet display and underbrush,

ray gun in hand and at the ready.

CUT TO:

EXT. TWO STEALTH AIRCRAFT IN FLIGHT – NIGHT

PILOT 'SCRUFFY'

(On radio)

Hey Cowboy, make sure your infrared and

WAMI are on. Lets go down to 1500 feet.

They got some 1400 foot hills where we

got that Squatter. Is IT still sitting?

PILOT 'COWBOY'

(On radio)

Roger that, 1400 floor. And that baby

is still in the crib. So we are not hot

again? Crap, I am itching to drop me a

spaceship!

PILOT 'SCRUFFY'

(On radio)

[CONT‘D] What are you gonna do? Paint a little 8.

UFO on the side of your plane and brag

about how they started it?

PILOT 'COWBOY'

Hell no! Gonna sell it to my favorite

golf course to make an obstacle out of it!

PILOT 'SCRUFFY'

Yeah- I bet Langley would just love that.

Hey! I thought the rule in Kentucky was

that if you shot it, you had to eat it!

PILOT 'COWBOY'

I wonder- do Aliens taste like chicken?

PILOT 'SCRUFFY'

I doubt it. Hey, heads up, looks like

we are here!

CUT TO:

EXT. Desert ALIEN SHIP – NIGHT CGI

SAMEEKERUS is up on a pile of rocks about 40 feet from his ship

when it SHUDDERS and making a WARBLING sound- lifts up off the

ground about 5 feet. The ‘cherry picker‘ transport arm retracts

quickly into the hull. It tilts to the side a little-then BURSTS

UPWARDS at a sharp angle.

The NIGHTHAWK F117 planes are coming in low and bank upwards

HARD in pursuit, afterburners kicking on, engines howling.

SAMEEKERUS stands there, watching the receding aircraft and

staring in shocked disbelief. Still holding the tablet and gun,

he slowly raises both arms straight out from his sides- then

drops them to his thighs in the universal gesture of ‘Oh Shit‘!

SONG: Zero one ”Twilight” - youtube

CUT TO:

EXT. TWO STEALTH AIRCRAFT IN FLIGHT CHASING UFO – NIGHT

PILOT 'SCRUFFY'

(On radio)

What are they doing? 2000 miles an hour!

PILOT 'COWBOY‘

(On radio)

EAGLE COMMANDER, Bogie is pulling away and

headed straight for the ceiling! Permission

to fire, or they are going to get away!

CUT TO:

INT. HIGH TECH U.S. WAR ROOM - LIGHTED CGI

The GENERALS and ELRON are watching a live feed on 9.

a huge TV screen. VIEW is through windshield of rear plane,

framing the lead plane and the ALIEN SHIP.

[CONT'D] A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER

NEGATIVE FIRE COWBOY. Hold your fire! Last

time we shot at one of those big Crafts

it put two of my F35‘s in the Arctic Sea!

Are you monitoring electromagnetic?

PILOT 'COWBOY‘

(Thru TV speakers)

Affirmative Sir! It's been rising steadily!

They are getting ready to cut a Chogie out

of here!

A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER

Aw, nuts!

ELRON [MAN IN BLACK]

It is getting ready to jump! Watch this Carlson!

GENERAL CARLSON stands up and joins ELRON watching the display.

A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER

Darn it- we caught them on a ‘cold start‘.

I was hoping we could at least get close!

The ALIEN SHIP shimmers slightly, then SHOOTS forward, fast

becoming a large white dot shrinking into the night stars.

PILOT 'SCRUFFY‘

(Thru TV speakers)

Whew Doggies! Now that is FAST! The

electromagnetic reading suddenly went

off the dial and BAM! She jumped!

My Doppler last had it at Mach 7!

A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER

Well men, may as well wrap it up for

the night. According to the ONYXSAT,

those bastards are passing the moon

right now! Feed all telemetry data to us

at Langley so we can update the database.

ELRON [MAN IN BLACK]

The Moon is a quarter of a million

miles away...

(He looks at his watch)

Call it around 4 million 500 thousand

miles per hour. Give or take a wee bit.

[CONT‘D] GENERAL CARLSON 10.

(Gives a low, slow whistle)

Man, we don‘t see many of those 500

foot ships! At speeds like that it‘s

no wonder!

ELRON [MAN IN BLACK]

Please be sure to make a final scan for

witnesses and residue at the site! We

did surprise them, maybe we can see

what they were doing.

A.F. GENERAL LANCE GRANGER

You heard the man, Pilots! Site scan

and pipe us the data! Keep up the good work

and “Return with honor!"

CUT TO:

EXT. TEXAS MEXICO BORDER DESERT – NIGHT

SAMEEKERUS is holding his ray gun in one hand, and working at

his communicator DEVICE despondently, poking buttons while

holding it up and down. (The universal “cellphone signal lost

dance”.) He finally gives it up, and puts it back in his

‘Hello Kitty‘ backpack. He pulls his tablet scanner out and

scans the area looking for his runaway RATROACH CRITTER. He

works through the sparse desert brush and climbs a rock

outcropping, peering around carefully.

CUT TO:

EXT. TWO STEALTH AIRCRAFT IN FLIGHT – NIGHT

PILOT 'SCRUFFY‘

Cowboy, lets buzz that landing spot one

more time and drop those markers.

PILOT 'COWBOY‘

My position recorder is acting up, but

that 'V' shaped pile of rocks is right

next to where that Squatter was sitting.

PILOT 'SCRUFFY‘

Roger on the equipment! Its freaky! Lets

do this and get back to the shed before

this neighborhood shuts our engines off or

something! That‘s affirmative on the rock

pile. Let‘s back off the speed to minimum.

We got what? Two dye packs each? Bet you

a hundred bucks I can nail those rocks!

[CONT‘D] PILOT 'COWBOY‘ 11.

If we go any slower we will be landing!

You are on for the hundo! Why do ya

think they call me Cowboy?

PILOT 'SCRUFFY‘

OK- floor coming up- rock pile targeted and

one... two markers deployed! Your turn!

PILOT 'COWBOY‘

Nice shooting Scruffy! You hit with one-

I got two dye packs hot- and bombs away!

AWW heck, I can‘t tell where they hit.

HEY! What the hell- Scruffy! I got a

thermal image reading at Niner Two Oh;

but its fading in and out! Can you confirm?

PILOT 'SCRUFFY‘

I had something but its gone now. Hell,

half of my equipment is acting up...

CUT TO:

EXT. TEXAS MEXICO BORDER DESERT – NIGHT SPFX

SAMEEKERUS jumps as the last Dye Pack explodes over his head and

cowers among the rocks as bright green dye sprinkles like rain.

He waits a few moments, watching the receding jets. He stands

and looks at himself,dye randomly splattered all over. He flings

his hands out a few times in the universal‘got shit all over me‘

gesture. His CLEETUS 'skin suit' is apparently self-cleaning.

It is rolling into ‘skin knots‘, then convulsing, spitting out

green dye balls. His hoodie and jeans are splattered with green

splotches (quite artistically I might add). The visual effect is

kinda ‘Camo-art-deco-pissed-off-Alien‘. [On store shelves SOON!]

NIGHT DISSOLVE SLOWLY TO:

EXT. TEXAS MEXICO BORDER DESERT – MORNING

SONG: El Toro - “Malaguena” - youtube

or: Dire Straits – "Six Blade Knife" - youtube

(SAME DESERT SHOT- bright green splashed rocks/plants/sand.)

SAMEEKERUS hears a truck coming and ducks into a clump of brush.

Badly. (He is a janitor, not a soldier). A custom Hummer H-1

pulls up within 30 feet of him and slides to a halt. A big

frowning man gets out, binoculars hanging on his neck, and a

chrome plated Colt .45 in his hand. His look and feel is stereotypical ‘bad-Mexican-cartel-drug-smuggler-bandit-mean-guy‘ (Danny Trejo would call him “Sir”.)

NOGALES SANCHEZ

Come on out, Pendejo! I know you are there.

I have been watching you for a half hour!

SAMEEKERUS tries to shrink down smaller. He can’t. 12.

NOGALES strolls slowly, gets a cigarette out and lights it.

[CONT'D] NOGALES SANCHEZ

Look, I got a busy day today. Deliveries

and stuff. Come out now and...

He fires a shot which hits within ten feet of SAMEEKERUS,

who jumps and stares where it hit.

NOGALES SANCHEZ

Maybe you won‘t be bleeding in a couple

of minutes.

He fires another shot that clips brush that flutters down

near SAMEEKERUS. He may be a alien janitor, but even he can

figure this out. He remembers his off-ship field training,

and hastily starts scooping a hole in the sand.

NOGALES SANCHEZ

You think we are stupid? We saw the lights

and jets last night! Freaking trying to

locate me, huh? Leave a little spy behind-

and whats all this green shit about?

(He kicks a patch of green sand.)

SAMEEKERUS tries to remember his alien emergency training.

He slides his ‘Hello Kitty‘ backpack into the hole and

covers it. Rule 1-‘No relics‘. Rule 2- ‘shut up‘, smile,

and wait to get away. SAMY stands up slowly and steps out.

NOGALES SANCHEZ

Well, whats a nice little white Gringo

doing out here in my desert? Come here!

(Motions with gun.)

SAMEEKERUS just stands there, smiling. SANCHEZ approaches

slowly, gun pointed.

NOGALES SANCHEZ

You hard of hearing? Or are you brave?

(He reaches out slowly and pats SAMY down

for weapons. He then grabs SAMY by the

shirt and flings him toward the truck,

where his gang member is getting out.)

SAMY stumbles several steps, regains his footing, 13.

and just stands there, nonplussed, smiling.

[CONT‘D] NOGALES SANCHEZ

HEY! You hear me?

(He shoves SAMY another few steps towards

the truck. He follows, stalking heavily.)

What are you? Federales? D.E.A.?

(He shoves SAMY the last few steps into

the hands of his gang member.)

He‘s not armed. Search him good for an I.D..

The gang member quickly riffles through SAMY‘s pockets while

SANCHEZ holds the gun on him. Then stands back and shrugs,

shakes his head- 'NO'.

GANG MEMBER

He‘s clean, nothing on him at all!

SAMY just stands there, smiling.

NOGALES SANCHEZ

(Speaking slowly, puts gun in holster.)

No water, no gun, no identification.

Are you retarded? Did your Downs

Syndrome bring you ‘downs‘ here to me?

(He walks slowly up to SAMY, head cocked

to the side, staring suspiciously. He

makes a fist.)

And you don‘t say- a- single- word!

CHANGE ANGLE:

SPFX

SLOW MOTION

POV CLOSE UP side of SAMY‘s face with slightly fuzzy SANCHEZ

in background: raring back and throwing a punch. A SPLIT

SECOND before the APPROACHING fist hits, the CLEETUS skin

suit on SAMY goes translucent white. The fist hits SAMY‘s

face on the changed patch of skin, and SANCHEZ‘s fist

seems to smoosh down a bit. Looks painful.

END SLOMO

CHANGE ANGLE:

To PREVIOUS CAMERA SHOT. SAMY recoils to the side a bit,

while SANCHEZ follows through, bending at the waist. SANCHEZ

grabs his wounded fist with other hand and yells...

[CONT’D] SANCHEZ 14.

Hijo de puta! Madre de Dios!

[Son of a bitch! Mother of God!]

SAMY just stands there, smiling, obviously unhurt with

the gang member still holding him by the shoulders.

SANCHEZ

¿Qué diablos está pasando?

¡ÉL ES DEL DIABLO!

[What the hell is going on?

HE IS OF THE DEVIL!]

(He straightens up, looking at SAMY

incredulously. He peers closely at SAMY‘s

face, then steps to the left slowly-

panning around to SAMY‘s other cheek.)

No, you ain‘t the devil, your crazy.

Somebody dumped your grinning ass out

here to get rid of you. HMMPPF!

LET‘S GO! We got a delivery to make!

(He starts walking around the front of

the Hummer toward the passenger door.

[A third gang member is driving.])

Vamos a prisa ahora, vamos!

GANG MEMBER

(Still holding SAMY.)

What about this Cabron?

SANCHEZ

Stick his ass in the truck. I will

sell him to some body!

ANGLE ON TO:

The scene ends with a little blurry Gecko-eye view of

the gang member shoving SAMY in the Hummer, which is then

off with spinning tires. The dust settles quickly in the

breeze though, and CAMERA PANS over the desert sand, and

around the edge of the rock outcropping, showing us the

GARBAGE BAGS SAMY has totally forgotten about.

And a tail- disappearing into the brush, which looks like,

aw HELL NO- the missing MOTROO!

CUT TO:

EXT. DESERT - BORDER / INSIDE HUMMER TRUCK- DAY

Inside the Hummer SANCHEZ in passenger seat, SAMY left rear

seat,gang members: driver seat and right rear. RADIO is on-

SONG: Revolver Cannabis - “El De Los Lentes Carrera" 15.

[or darker- The Good Tanyas - “Waiting Around to Die"]

SANCHEZ is sitting at an angle, looking towards driver,

but keeping SAMY in sight. SAMY seems fascinated: music

and his first truck ride. These are BAD MEN. They are NOT

wearing seat belts.

SANCHEZ

How much longer, FREDDY?

DRIVER - FREDDY

About forty minutes, NOGALES. We should

be crossing the border about now.

SANCHEZ

How can you tell? Damn desert!

(He grabs a beer out of the console,

pops it open, looks at gang member in back

seat raising his beer and eyebrows, like,

-want one?-)

The gang member lifts a hand and shakes head- no.

The truck keeps bouncing over the rough terrain, jostling

the riders. SANCHEZ grins- like a shark looking at a seal.

SANCHEZ

Hey, FREDDY! You know what the hardest

about RAPING a deaf mute girl is?

DRIVER - FREDDY

Uhhh- no. What?

SANCHEZ

Breaking her FINGERS- so she CAN‘T

TELL THE POLICE! AAHHA ha ha ha!

FREDDY laughs a little nervously, looking out of the corners

of his eyes at SANCHEZ. Yeah SANCHEZ, now we hate you.

SANCHEZ

Yeah I might just keep you, Green Spot...

(He holds the beer can against his sore

fist- now visibly red and swollen.)

Make a house bitch out of you. Pool cleaner...

FREDDY sits upright abruptly, peering forward.

DRIVER - FREDDY

Aw SHIT! We got trouble! Border Patrol!

CUT TO: 16.

EXT. TEXAS BORDER DESERT - DAY

POV on ridge looking into low scrub brush filled ravine.

The Hummer is going one way, and two Border Patrol [BP]

off-road buggies are angling toward the front of

HUMMER, a third BP full size truck is coming up fast from

side- rear, blocking hummer in. All vehicles slide to stop.

CUT TO:

POV on desert floor viewing Hummer and two front BP buggies.

Three BP OFFICERS are leveling Colt M4 carbines from the

cover of their vehicles. A fourth agent gets out of buggy,

no weapons in hand, and pulls off helmet. He throws it on

the seat, then reaches behind seat and produces a large,

very worn, cowboy hat.

He takes a few steps forward. Lanky, unhurried. He looks at

his hat, straightening the crease,then looks up squinting

at the sky. Then, as if suddenly remembering he had

something to do, he puts his hat on and saunters toward the

Hummer. He is Watch Commander JIM PROCTER, and his thumb

is hooked in his belt- a half second away from his pistol.

He approaches the driver door and at about ten feet, stops,

bends forward and squints in the drivers‘ open window.

JIM PROCTER

I do declare! NOGALES SANCHEZ, my old

friend! We have history, Sir. I trust

that mutual respect will prevail, and

Everybody will be sitting down to dinner

tonight. IN ONE PIECE.

(He adds sternly, giving a deadly serious

‘do not try me‘ scowl.)

SANCHEZ

Getting out PROCTER. I have a GUN,

licensed, held by the barrel, which

I will lay on the hood!

JIM PROCTER

GUN, PEOPLE! RELAX, HE IS WELL BEHAVED.

The Agents tense- aiming weapons at passenger

door as SANCHEZ gets out looking agitated. He is holding

his Chrome Colt .45 auto by the barrel, out to side and up.

He tosses it halfway across the Humvee hood towards JIM.

SANCHEZ

Gonna reach in my pocket and get a smoke.

(He slowly reaches in shirt pocket, gets a

[CONT'D] cigarette and lighter, then lights up.) 17.

You know PROCTER, we got Luiz

a high tech fake leg, it works

pretty good!

JIM PROCTER

IF Luiz had listened a little better,

he would stop when ordered to by

an Agent of the Border Patrol.

(He ambles toward the Humvee, taking

in every detail. He leans over, picking

up the Chrome Colt with his left hand.

Watching SANCHEZ with his left eye and

the people in truck with his right eye.)

You know, SANCHEZ, I aimed at his leg.

I didn’t have to do that. This ain‘t

evening TV, man. Bullets don't fly

harmlessly around. We don't trade pepper

spray for 'Silly String'!

SANCHEZ

Why do we do this? You know I will be out

in a week. You can have the Humvee,

I never liked this color, anyway.

JIM PROCTER

Maybe three weeks. We got what- open flask.

No seat belts. Probably- what? Forty,

fifty thousand dollars worth of drugs?

SANCHEZ

Yeah, something like that. But it is

my brother‘s truck. I don‘t know nothin‘

about those drugs...

(He leans forward, both elbows on hood.

Smiles, lowers his voice, confidentially.)

Dammit PROCTER, an arrangement can

be made. We could stop these problems.

You could take some time off, go on

a cruise, see Hawaii... eh?

PROCTER smiles a lopsided cowboy grin, ignoring SANCHEZ'

bribery attempt. He tilts his head to the side, admiring

the Colt's chrome metal and pearl hand grip. He holds

SANCHEZ‘s pistol in his left hand...

ANGLE ON:

POV BEHIND PROCTER

CAMERA frames Humvee and seated men. SANCHEZ on left side of

hood. PROCTER'S back and right side from holster up, about

two feet out from drivers side rear view mirror. 18.

JIM PROCTER

[CON’T] Colt 1911 Commander. You know, these

were always a little too ‘bouncy‘

for my taste. Now the Heckler and Koch

.45 tactical on the other hand...

SLOW MOTION: (With blurring speed he fast draws his gun,

cocking it and freezing with it pointed at

the Humvee passengers. His left hand is

now holding the chrome Colt pointed at

SANCHEZ’s head.

STOP SLOWMO:

(JIM continues calmly

speaking without missing a beat.)

[CONT‘D] ...is smooth as butter. You can pop

four rounds off without spilling your

coffee. Gentlemen, would you kindly

exit the vehicle, leaving your seats

in the upright, locked position?

The Border Patrol Agents hustle forward, rifles at tactical.

The gang members get out slowly, hands raised. SAMY [yeah-

the ALIEN. Remember, its a story about him.] Sits there,

smiling. PROCTER checks him out warily while the others are

putting hands on head and getting searched. PROCTER speaks

to the fourth agent whose vehicle was behind the Humvee.

He takes a step out into a defensive stance, both pistols

casually pointed at SAMY‘s head.

JIM PROCTER

Agent Florez, maam, would you kindly

assist this gentleman in exiting the

vehicle?

There is a method to PROCTER‘s madness. FLOREZ is ex-marine

marshal arts expert. She slings her rifle and crouches like

a ninja, approaching SAMY like he was a grizzly bear.

She opens his door and SAMY looks at her with a smile.

DELOREZ FLOREZ

Sir, OUT, please.

(She gestures with her hands.)

SAMY tilts his head, puts a leg out, then gets out. FLORES

wrist-locks his hand, clicks one handcuff, then smoothly

spins SAMY face forward against the side of the truck.

She whips his other arm back and clicks the other cuff.

She grabs his collar and pulls him back-facing PROCTER,

she expertly frisks SAMY. PROCTER looks at the 19.

<package of dynamite> that is FLOREZ with awe.

JIM PROCTER

[CONT’D] As always, Miss FLOREZ, well done.

(He holsters his gun, stows the chrome

Colt under his belt. He looks at FLOREZ

with admiration.)

I will NOT be dancing with you at

the Christmas Party this year!

SANCHEZ

Hey, that one ain‘t mine, PROCTER.

(He is bent over the hood, getting

handcuffed.)

We found him out in the desert. No

water, I.D., weapon, nothing. He

won‘t talk either- I think he‘s

crazy or something.

PROCTER walks in a few steps, and looks SAMY over.

Peaceful smile, the green-splotched clothes, and...

something... about him. He studies SAMY then nods.

JIM PROCTER

My, my. You are an odd duck, aren‘t

you? Ladies and Gentlemen, load our

new friends into the bus, and let‘s

head to the Station. Agent Emmanuel,

please be kind enough to keep an eye

on this nice Humvee until Andy can

tow it in for us!

CUT TO:

EXT. DESERT - THE LAST ALIEN LANDING SPOT - SUNSET

A Black Jeep pulls up abruptly. ELRON- MAN-IN-BLACK gets

out. Another MAN-IN-BLACK gets out looking at a map.

EDGAR MAN-IN-BLACK

Our GPS is useless, but according to

the odometer we should be...

ELRON MAN-IN-BLACK

EDGAR, look over here.

EDGAR puts map down, follows ELRON’s pointed finger to a

wide swath of green-stained desert. They walk over to the

splattered area and study the ground.

[CONT‘D] ELRON MAN-IN-BLACK 20.

Look there, twelve and a half inch truck

tires went through that dye after it was dry.

EDGAR MAN-IN-BLACK

I can do you one better. Here's footprints

that were made when the dye was wet!

See how it stringed up and left these

dried threads?

ELRON looked closely with a flashlight he had produced.

ELRON MAN-IN-BLACK

Yes, just like wet sticky paint.

Somebody stood in it when it was

wet. Then got picked up by a truck

when it was dry. Apparently those

brief sensor hits those Jets had

last night were accurate.

EDGAR MAN-IN-BLACK

So we follow the truck tracks and

find someone with green stained shoes?

ELRON suddenly got down on one knee and pointed. Then put

his foot carefully next to, a well preserved footprint.

ELRON MAN-IN-BLACK

We look for someone with green stained

Converse All Stars tennis shoes, size 11.

I loved mine in high school.

ANGLE ON:

EXT. DESERT - THE LAST ALIEN LANDING SPOT - SUNSET/DUSK

Beer-can high shot with enough light to see Jeep taillights

kick on, and drive away.CAMERA BACK PANS UP slowly, showing

conspicuously, at edge of view, those damn black garbage

bags SAMY forgot. Which are getting obscured by blowing

sand. That damned Motroo is probably around here too.

CUT TO:

INT. BORDER PATROL COMPOUND - MAIN SQUAD OFFICES - DAY

V.O.

It‘s similar to any modern law enforcement center. Uniformed

Agents and civilian office people busy with a world of data,

But vastly unique issues and protocols. Forget all of your

‘cop show‘ baggage- Our Customs and Border Patrol writes new rules every day of the week.

Background: CAMERA PANS over the nicely appointed and 21.

efficient office active with Border Patrol staff and Agents.

The usual computers, office gear, display monitors, coffee

pot. We need some background- cue Morgan Freeman...

V.O.

The U.S. Customs and Border Patrol Agency or CBP

employs more Agents than the FBI and CIA combined.

They have a larger operating budget too. They

report to Homeland Security, then the President

of the United States. No one else. They have all

the high tech, personnel, toys and gear military

does. They have vehicles, planes and boats under

ONE branch: Customs and Border Patrol is unique.

The CAMERA PANS to OUTSIDE

CUT TO:

INT. BORDER PATROL COMPOUND - PRISONER INTAKE - DAY

OK, SAMY is freakin' out, but other than the furtive, amazed

stares; he keeps his pleasant smile frozen on his face.

MONTAGE - SAMY GOES TO CBP JAIL

SONG: “Flow Coma” by AFX [808 State] – youtube

-- He follows the line ups.

-- Searched, [4th time in 1 day he has been on earth. My,

my, ain’t we 'hands-on‘ friendly?]

-- Gets his orange coveralls [GOOD PRISONER], SANCHEZ in

same shot getting BLACK and WHITE STRIPED uniform

[known bad guy], then its off to...

-- DELOUSE, SHOWER, AND SHAVE. SAMY is thanking his alien

boss for forcing him to wear off-ship

[policy mandatory] CLEETUS disguise now!

[HUMOR OPTION SAMY gets some ‘appreciative stares‘

IN SHOT: towards his out-of-frame crotch area

by fellow showering prisoners.

Apparently the aliens designed CLEETUS

disguise suit ‘look‘ from our TV porno

broadcasts, and, well- enuff said. Its a

plausible setup for later medical exam.]

-- QUESTIONING. Interrogation. 50 shades of: Not. One. Word.

His pleasant smile and demeanor gets him

through. We see clipboards with ‘apparently

Mute‘. SAMY moves to finger print machine.

-- FINGER PRINT Latest computerized AFIS gear. And 22.

TEN IDENTICAL FINGERPRINTS. Apparently, the

aliens who taught/programmed CLEETUS missed

this little detail.Agents try several times

and get the same result every time. Print

technicians shrug and call in maintenance.

And SAMY goes to his cell.

CUT TO:

A six man jail cell. SAMY is exhausted. He apparently

recognizes bed furniture. He grabs a lower bunk and sits.

He puts a hand up to the steel bars at the head of his

bunk, and his fixed smile...falters. The viewer is saddened

and commiserates as SAMY puts both forearms to his face and

clasps his hands to the back of his head. The universal

sign of ANGUISH- the locked-up blues. SAMY slowly lays over

on his bunk, rolls his face to the wall, and sleeps.

FADE TO:

INT. BORDER PATROL COMPOUND -CAFETERIA/BREAKFAST – MORNING

SAMY is following his chow line for breakfast. He imitates

the other prisoners and gets his tray and coffee and sits

at a long bench. He notices the coffee and smiles even

bigger, if possible. He studies the steam curling out of

the cup, and takes a tiny sip. GOOD! Not so much for the

rest of the plate... He tries some egg. Some toast. The

PAPER NAPKIN. He is hungry, but this is not going to work.

He enjoys his coffee though and savors it while dribbling

oatmeal off his spoon back onto the bowl, looking uneasy.

CUT TO:

INT. - CBP COMPOUND - PRISONER EXCERCISE YARD - DAY

SAMY wanders aimlessly, studying humans. His fixed smile

is a little creepy to the other detainees. They shy away

from SAMY, and a few muttered ‘loco‘s' are heard with some

circling fingers around ears: crazy. SANCHEZ and his boys

are noted in the background watching SAMY, still curious.

SAMY goes back in.

CUT TO:

INT. - CBP COMPOUND - PRISONER TV ROOM - DAY

TV! Now SAMY lights up! It is familiar,the aliens have been

getting our broadcasted signals for ages.And SAMY,is a fan!

Besides ‘Earth Orientation‘ class,he has been hobby-watching

for years,to the chagrin of his alien peers. They 23.

consider it a ridiculous waste of time. SAMY plops down in

seat,leaning forward with hands clasped on knees in obvious

pleasure. Relishing: The ‘BIG BANG THEORY‘.Good work Chuck!

CUT TO:

INT. - CBP COMPOUND - CAFETERIA/LUNCH - DAY

It is a re-do of breakfast. Food is inedible. But the coffee

is great. SAMY even scores a few cups from detainees who

make faces when they taste their coffee. Starbucks snobs.

CUT TO:

INT. - CBP COMPOUND - LATRINE - DAY

SAMY is studying the other prisoners and wanders into the

toilet. He is amazed! Apparently very similar to Alien

Craft fixtures. It is SAMY‘s element-‘Pro Space Janitor‘.

He rushes from sinks to garbage cans, he stares and plays

with a mirror a LOT. He is ‘weirding-out‘ the other inmates

though, when he lays on the floor under a toilet, flushing

it repeatedly; we here several more whispered ‘loco‘. At a

sink, SAMY finds the hot water accidentally, the steam fumes

boil upwards- he is in heaven! He plunges his hands in and

drinks with gusto. [All the water on his planet is boiling,

he loves it.] Other inmates in the bathroom look at him like

he has lost his mind, and shudder.

CUT TO:

INT. - CBP COMPOUND - CAFETERIA/DINNER – DAY

SONG-Duran Duran-“Hungry Like The Wolf”[Corny but effective]

SAMY sits down, checking his plate out. He sips the coffee

and tries the peas. I hate them too,SAMY. Some kind of meat

and gravy. Horrible. Then he notices a wedge-shaped plastic

wrapped thang on his tray. Watching another inmate,he picks

up a fork,sticks it into the Saran Wrap, and tears it open.

ANGLE-ON CUT TO:

INT. - CBP COMPOUND - CAFETERIA TABLE - DAY

SLOW MOTION

CAMERA IS ON TABLE. Plate of pie in foreground, SAMY’s nose

and forehead framed in shot. The plastic is tearing back

revealing BLUEBERRY PIE. SAMY’s eyes widening, he grabs a

big pinch, sticks it in his mouth. His eyes roll skyward,he

rolls his head back in pleasure, then goes BAT SHIT CRAZY.

STOP SLO-MO

CUT TO: 24.

INT. - CBP COMPOUND - CAFETERIA SECURITY CAMERA - DAY

SAMY gobbles down his pie. Then jerks to his feet and

grabs his neighbors pie off his tray- stuffing it into his

mouth. Not having eaten for days, and scared to death: then

finding familiar food snaps his forced calm.He tries several

more trays, but pie is gone fast when they can get it! The

other inmates are surprised and yelling. He grabs as much

pie as he can, stuffing his blueberry stained pie-hole.

CUT TO:

INT. - CBP COMPOUND - CAFETERIA FLOOR DOLLY - DINNERTIME

THEN he happens to grab SANCHEZ‘s pie off his tray and

starts to eat it. SANCHEZ snarls and his face forms a feral

snarl. SANCHEZ cocks his food tray back- food flying, and

slams it into the side of SAMY’s head. SAMY‘s eyes roll

back. Mouth open with BLOODY GASH on the side of his head,

down he goes. Stone cold knocked OUT!

[AN ASIDE: Stop growling! The CLEETUS Disguise/bodyguard ]

[does not operate when SAMY sleeps, or EATS. When the ]

[Aliens designed CLEETII, they couldn’t get the engineered ]

[PET to allow it’s master to eat, ‘cause food could be ]

[poisoned. CLEETII are not very bright. So they had to make]

[it switch OFF during meals. More LATER. Good talk! Read on]

CUT TO:

INT. - CBP COMPOUND - MEDICAL TREATMENT CLINIC – EVENING

Let‘s get medical. DOCTOR GAVINA MITCHELL is an older MILF,

quite well preserved. Always looking fiendishly sexy somehow

in her medical scrubs. GAVINA is holding a clipboard talking

to an aide. The double doors open, and two agents wheel in a

gurney with the unconscious SAMY on it. The doctor smiles at

the aide and nods. The aide turns and walks away. GAVINA

sashays in exaggerated Betty Boop style towards JIM PROCTER.

DOCTOR GAVINA

A present? For me? Oh JIMMY! You

shouldn't have!

AGENT JIM PROCTER

Howdy GAVINA. Presenting even more damn

paperwork is more like it. This ole‘

boy got in a scuffle with some big

bandito in the cafeteria and managed

to get hisself knocked out. He looks

like he needs a couple stitches there.

[CONT‘D] DOCTOR GAVINA 25.

(Wiping SAMY'S face with a piece of gauze.)

He is really out cold. I better X-Ray

him too. What the heck is this blue stuff?

AGENT JIM PROCTER

Blueberry pie! Of all the stupid crap

to get into a fight over.

(He looks at GAVINA with a lopsided grin.)

Now, on the other hand, if it would have

been over some lovely senorita...

DOCTOR GAVINA

Settle down, cowboy. This senorita has

got some work to do. Go start filling your

boring old report out and I am going to take

care of this fella. Wouldn’t want him to

think the Border Patrol had treated him

poorly, now would we?

AGENT JIM PROCTER

Okay, Doc. He is an orange prisoner, by the

way, should have no trouble with him. Just

holler when he's ready.

SONG: ‘‘THUNDERSTRUCK‘‘ 2 CELLOS-transition to- AC/DC mix

PROCTER walks out,GAVINA grabs a roller treatment table and

goes to wall cabinet, getting supplies and what-not. She

opens a counter top cooler door and takes out an injection

vial of local anesthetic. She rolls over next to SAMY’s

gurney, preps with gloves, wipes side of SAMY’s face where

a gash is apparent, bleeding red and profusely.She prepares

a needle and thread, sets it down and gets a hypodermic

needle. She loads it from vial, taps air, and lowers it to

SAMY’s face. With the practiced ease of years of experience,

[at 1:30 of ‘CELLOS THUNDERSTRUCK‘ mix- 4 seconds silence-]

-she smoothly sticks the needle in CLEETUS and SAMY's face.

SPFX SFX CGI

SONG: AC/DC- “THUNDERSTRUCK” a mix

[starts with shout- ‘You’ve been Thunderstruck‘]

[concept mix on youtube‘illegal alien thunderstruck scene‘]

SAMY and CLEETUS awakens with an two-voiced alien HOWL,

jumping off the gurney with needle hanging and CLEETUS 26.

reacting violently around the needle. It has pierced

SAMY and CLEETUS! DOCTOR GAVINA recoils in horror,

they didn’t teach THIS in med school! She backs up,

grabbing the roller treatment table and holding it between

her and SAMY. SAMY stomps around keeping a non-threatening

distance BUT glaring at GAVINA. He jerks the hypo out and

flings it. GAVINA is a hot mess, all composure totally gone.

She clumsily backs into a corner with roller table held

between them,eyes wide and a crazy look on her face. SAMY is

bending and straightening at the waist, holding the side of

his face where the CLEETUS disguise has peeled back and is

writhing in pain. Half of SAMY‘s alien face is visible.

CLEETUS is flapping and bloody in a most disturbing

fashion. SAMY is by the sink and grabs a towel, fumbles

with the unfamiliar faucet controls.He finally accidentally

slaps the medical style paddle handle and water rushes out.

STEAMING HOT WATER. SAMY is overjoyed by this.As soon as he

sees it, SAMY dives under the faucet- putting damaged face

and flopping CLEETUS in the steamy goodness. ALL water is

near boiling on SAMYS planet at an average air temperature

of 190 degrees.

All this time, GAVINA is freaking out, staring and making

odd whimpers. She finds, and has armed herself with,

a small medical scalpel which she is holding in front of

herself in a very weird and comical (NOT) threatening way.

SAMY turns from the steaming sink, leaving the water on.

He dries and blots water from the still flapping CLEETUS.

He speaks to it.

SAMY

Klatu verada nikto, CLEETUS.

Shagbaroogosh.

His hair retracts into his scalp, and CLEETUS starts to

ripple and flow. Again, like wax melting, the skin suit

disguise starts to retract his dispersing face joining

an ever growing ball of CLEETUS on his shoulder. We see

his ALIEN FACE,best described as fish scale/armadillo skin.

GAVINA‘s eyes widen in terror. Then flip back in her head.

Stick a fork in her ass; as she flops arms weirdly and

crashes to the floor- treatment cart flying. She‘s done.

SAMY flips. He doesn’t know if he‘s killed her...

He walks over and bends a knee, pushing at her, at times,

inappropriately. He does not have a clue. Obviously worried

he picks up her hand and starts petting it, then pumping 27.

her arm up and down. It is not helping. He stands and gets

a pillow from a treatment table. He pulls her back off the

wall gently until she reclines, puts the pillow under

her head. He studies his first human up close and personal.

He seems repulsed at first, but touches her skin,then hair.

Visibly relaxing-like a kid befriending a frog that used to

gross him out...GAVINA moans a bit. Suddenly SAMY remembers

his disguise is off, he stands and turns his back to the

awakening DOCTOR. He speaks urgently...

SPFX-CGI

SAMY

Nemmmm to doe, klaatu barada nikto CLEETUS vidap!

The CLEETUS pet/disguise flows back onto SAMY,covering his

head and hair springing out. He hears a sound behind him,he

turns slowly to see GAVINA up on one elbow, LOOKING AT HIM.

DOCTOR GAVINA

I see what you did there.

[Shakes her head quizzically.]

You could have killed me.

You didn't try to escape...

SAMY

ooooooo ok oookaayyy?

DOCTOR GAVINA

[Getting up- a bit shaky.]

Are you asking if I am OK?

She feels her head, then notices and pulls off her rubber

surgical gloves which she still has on. SAMY watches her

remove her gloves with great interest. She goes to the

cabinet and pulls out a big aspirin bottle. She shakes two

into her hand, then looks at SAMY, and shakes out two more.

She pops them into her mouth and chews, noisily crunching

them up, and swallowing them DRY.

DOCTOR GAVINA

YEAH. I‘m GOOD. Finer than...

She turns to her med cabinet and gets an Ammonia Inhaler,

pops it and inhales. Her eyes widen, she coughs.

DOCTOR GAVINA

] ...freakin' FROG HAIR. I woke up too

many times with my head hammerin‘

after a night of line dancin‘ to let

a little thing like this bother me.

[CONT’D] SAMY 28.

I knoo dance! Deeck Claark. Banstaand.

DOCTOR GAVINA

Why yes! Dick Clark- American Bandstand!

Your reception out there must be a bit slow...

SAMY holds his hands up, far apart.

SAMY

Dee sstant- ssee ooon TV. I ssee loooot TV.

GAVINA walks wide around SAMY to the sink, which is still

billowing steaming hot water. She turns on the cold water.

Takes a paper cup from a dispenser, fills it and drinks.

DOCTOR GAVINA

What your skin does, how does it...

She motioned with her hands,coming up on her head, and over

it, wiggling her fingers.

SAMY

CLEETUS. Hee- mee.

[Puts two hands together, palms

outstretched.]

GAVINA looks at him, squints, shakes head NO- ‘not getting

it‘. SAMY‘s face lights up, he steps to the counter and

picks up her surgical gloves she removed- holds them up.

SAMY

CLEETUS.

DOCTOR GAVINA

Oh! Like clothes!

[Pulls her shirt sleeve up and down.]

FADE IN LOW:

SONG: "Friends Theme I’ll be there for you.” The Rembrandts

SAMY

Like ‘frieeeeends’.

[He sing-songs it badly but recognizable,

the 'blurb‘ from the series.]

He walks slowly toward the sink and turns the hot water on.

SAMY slowly reaches for the empty paper cup in her hand.

She gives it to him. He drinks a Dixie

ILLEGAL ALIEN