A young black singer... You need to tell us more about that singer, something personal about them. A lonely black singer plagued by a stage fight. Worthily. I don't get that word. Loving home. Safe and supportive home. To pursue his dreams. Why and what happens to make me care? Does he get addicted to drugs, does his face racism, what goes wrong and what must he TRY to overcome it.

Thanks much, Karen Stark. The word "worthily' is actually "wealthily". My text suggestion suggested that error and because I was in a hurry, I couldn't check for errors. But thanks much, Karen. I will work hard to make it better.

Then it would be wealthy Felix, not wealthily. happy to help :-) I would question the wealthy family though. Unless they really hate him being a singer. Otherwise unless it has a really deep back story a poor family plays better with empathy. No one cares about rich kids not making it, Unless they cut him off for following his dreams. Then he's more relatable but still remember most people are not from wealthy families and struggle to relate.

What are the stakes? Try using this formula (credit: Danny Manus), taking Karen advice into account:

When [INCITING INCIDENT OCCURS], a [SPECIFIC PROTAGONIST] must [OBJECTIVE], or else [STAKES].

(Example: When a struggling writer runs to the store to get groceries, he is confronted by a dragon who he must defeat or starve to death.)

Thanks much Joleene DesRosiers. I really appreciate your feedback.

Karen Stark, the real point is that he is from a rich family and well admired in his home and his country for his great talent. He dreamed of becoming a worldwide superstar instead of a local champion. But when he moved to the said city to pursue that dream, things turned otherwise to how he imagined. He was despised for his trait(racism) and envied for his great talent. My main point is moving from a place where you are cherished to a land where you are despised. You get me now, Karen?

is he racist?

Yh that's my point, Karen Stark.

How does it look now, Karen Stark.

Ok so he's not despised for his racism Felix, He's despised because of racism towards him. There's a clear difference. Honestly I don't know if Russia is really like that. Maybe small pockets but they are everywhere Felix. I know a lot of black people who visited it and found the people very polite and engaging. In the 1920 and 30's they were welcomed with open arms and many with a skill set were given the red carpet treatment. I don't know about breaking into the music industry in Russia. Your going to have to subtitle it and I don't understand the location if I'm honest. Surely he'd go to the UK. However that's me having no experience in how big or small the Russian music scene is. The log line still needs work though. Follow Joleene's advice and keep crafting.

Karen Stark, I don't mean Russia is a racist country. The obstacle of this talented younger singer is unfair treatment towards him. Moscow is the city I prefer using because from my story it's the place where he will have easy admission to a music academy with the help of his father who has once lived there.

I don't really get your last words, Kay Luke. Could you please come clear to me, please.

I wish you luck Felix.

Thank you, Karen Stark.

Kay Luke, Karen Stark and Folks around here, is there something to fix again.

We still don't know what the stakes are.

"When an aspiring black musician rejects his well-to-do home life to pursue his dreams of making it big, he must overcome his inflated ego and racist colleagues or ________"

Or...what?

Without raising the stakes or showing what he has to overcome or how he might do it, the viewer really has no reason to check in. They want to see him suffer...and then find some sort of redemption.

Give us that last piece - and you should have a well-rounded logine!

yep what's he got to lose?

That's a great logline, Joleene DesRosiers. What if I add this piece " or return home as a loser". I think I will hire your logline. I'm really impressed. Thanks once again. But I'm still waiting on your confirmation.

I don't think returning home as a "loser" is very compelling, but you can rework that piece to be stronger. Is that really what he has to face? If so, what does that mean? Will he have to face ridicule from his family?

You may not quite know this last piece yet, and that's okay. You have a strong foundation to start with. Good luck!

Thank you very much, Joleene DesRosiers. I'm really grateful for your help. I will do my best and shape it to its best point.