THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES

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TO SEE OR NOT TO SEE
By Evelyn von Warnitz

GENRE: Romance
LOGLINE:


While his midlife-crises with his fiancée Cheryl, the Hollywood actor Ike gets to know and falls in love with the bored french teacher Diane during long days in chats until the day he pens her a letter that suggests the first date.

TO SEE OR NOT TO SEE

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Nate Ki

Rated this logline

Nathaniel Baker

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Christopher Poet

Rated this logline

Christopher Poet

Good idea, slightly over-detailed, and a little long. And, I will note, a tad confusing.

"While his midlife crisis with his fiancee Cheryl," This line is left hanging and the wording is odd. I assume the intended variation was "While in his ...". That would solve a lot of the issues with this opening line.

Minor note: You do not have to deliver or reveal any characters by name here. Cheryl's name for example could be dropped and the meaning/impression remains the same. Same with Ike. You can just say. "a Hollywood actor" and go on from there.

Overall, I would trip this down again to only what you need to deliver the main point. A synopsis can do the explaining,

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