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By Carol L Paur

GENRE: Comedy

Retired man, who is frustrated that his wife won't retire, takes a job as the Help Alert manager and ends up saving his boss's snake by feeding it six-dozen donuts laced with laxatives.


Show is set back in the early 1990's.

Retired Al Calender wants to get out of retirement since his wife Sandy refuses to quit her job at the hospital. An ad in the newspaper for the Help Alert manager position entices him to apply.

At the office, he meets flaky Felicia, the Social Work department boss. She hires him instantly, which pushes the warning bells on inside Al’s mind. His only competition for the job was an Elvis impersonator and a surly Harley biker man. Al tries to back out of the job, but Felicia is determined to fill the position.

His first experience is meeting rich and angry, Elmer Tiger who refuses a Help Alert. Felicia throws insults at him, but thinking the man is close to poverty, Al tries to reason with Felicia.Felicia informs Al that Mr. Tiger owns all the Tiger Outlet Malls. She then recounts his poor treatment of her during several occasions. Back in the room Al agrees to a wager with Elmer that he too will wear the Help Alert button. If he gets caught without his button, he will owe Elmer $1.00.

Sandy is furious when she discovers Al is hired, and tells him about Felicia's snake, Sutures. She hints that Sutures has eaten all the other employees in Felicia's office.

Felicia, her husband, and the Help Alert volunteers arrive that evening to install Al's Help Alert machine. He tries to get out of it, but Felicia warns him that Elmer will show up. And the old man does in the middle of the night. Fortunately, Al is wearing the button.

The next day, Felicia brings Sutures into the office for Al to babysit. Terrified, Al runs to Human Resources and grabs a box of six-dozen donuts and feeds them to the snake.

Al is accused of eating all the pastries, making him somewhat of a celebrity in the hospital. Meanwhile, Sutures gets sick, and they discover the snake ate most of the donuts. But, instead of being angry, Felicia is happy because the donuts were laced with laxatives, which helped the snake get rid of a toxin it picked up while eating an organic mouse.

Al is a hero, but he gets sick because he ate some of the donuts. Stuck on his home bathroom, he shouts out for toilet paper. Sandy is gone, so he presses his Help Alert machine. When the person calls out to Al, he sheepishly replies he needs toilet paper.

The show ends when he returns to work and opens a cabinet. Toilet paper rolls out on him.

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