In 1957, an eight-year-old orphan girl is abducted by a former World War I fighter ace and taken illegally from Ireland to the Southwestern United States, convincing her that an unknown entity is pursuing them.

SYNOPSIS:

Royalty Free Stock Photo by Oki Daniansyah, courtesy of Pexels

The pilot was submitted to the Screencraft Pilot Launch Competition 2019.

Based on my novel Kill a Nocturnal Boar

Beginning in Ballyfermot, Dublin, October 1957, a working-class Irish Catholic family, the DALYS adopt a half-Maori, half-Aboriginal Australian girl from an institution to fill the void left by the death of their baby daughter twelve years ago. Though MONIQUE is not a delicate eight-year-old child and she carries her disturbances with her into their household. For six months, she lives on Sarsfield Road in their downstairs flat of the multi-occupied council house. Matters escalate when Monique is sexually targeted by the Dalys’ oldest sons and the brief escapism she finds through the flick starring EVEEN FAY (a long-forgotten actress of the Golden Age) playing at the Gala Cinema isn’t enough.

She is physically punished by her adoptive father CLELL when he sees her beating the boys with a branch in an old cemetery—but unbeknownst to him, she does so out of self-defense. That night, a sleep-deprived Monique witnesses a strange, grey creature stalking the garden and her parents discover she is intersex: her genitalia is not typically female. Torn, Clell considers sending her back to her caseworkers while her mother PIRJO attempts to bond with her.

Miserable, Monique sits near the top landing Halloween afternoon, finding comfort from her insecurities in a cigarette. It is then she meets a mysterious, rugged-looking sixty-something MAN dressed in a hospital gown. He claims to be the son of MISS SINÉAD, the original (and eccentric) eighty-something owner of the house that lives behind the violet door upstairs, though their relationship is apparently strained: she refuses to let him live with her, shoving him out through the cat flap.

Later, Monique learns that with nowhere to go, he is reduced to homelessness, finding shelter with his blind cat ANGELA inside a scarlet-painted American school bus. Crossing out the original lettering “Glendale Unified School District,” he has named the bus The Impaler. Monique thinks he’s certainly strange and more unusual than his two different colour eyes is his name: EOFORY (eh-ver-ee). Monique’s first encounter with Eofory is bizarre, to say the least; he tells her about aliens in the sky, a man that lives inside his head and that she should heed eating “poison” (any food that isn’t red or orange, “safe colours”) because according to him, someone or something is watching them.

However, it isn’t until Eofory invades her home one afternoon dressed in an old, World War I fighter ace uniform and roller-skates, kills Pirjo in a fit of paranoia and abducts her that his true intentions come to light.

Fleeing to the shore, Eofory mounts The Impaler on oil drums and they sail first to the beaches of Mexico, then illegally cross the border into Texas, travelling from one state to the next all over the Southwest and beyond. There, life for Monique as she knows it will never be the same.

Under the influence of “Pilot’s Salt” (military methamphetamine) and forced to survive off-the-grid, she builds a strange relationship with Eofory as she is plunged into a nomadic life of madness.

Coverage Excerpts:

“Your writing is very colorful and descriptive, perfect for this genre; I could picture, feel, and even smell the scenes quite vividly, which says even more about the quality of your writing. In general, scrutinize every word of action and ask yourself how it drives the story forward, and if it doesn’t, cut it, or shorten/tighten it down to mere brushstrokes and see if/how it serves the whole.

“Monique seems far older than 8, more like 14. If you want to keep her so young, let us connect with her as somehow still being a child with a child’s vulnerabilities, however much she wears a hardened shell. I should have been weeping for what she experienced, but I was not (Yet! But you’ll get us there!).

“Even the darkest of stories has elements of humor — some way to break up the tension, add contrast, freshen the palette. A steady stream of dark and stinky (or anything else) dilutes it because humans desensitize then get bored of any kind of monotony. It would really help hook your audience if we had a better idea of what Monique or Eofory want, and what prevents them from getting it. I would have liked a bit more (and earlier on) about what has brought this unlikely pair together.

“I like that Mo is eight as the fact of her age provides vulnerability and elicits feelings of protectiveness from your reader. Her weird observations, fantasies about dying, intersex — all make her wonderfully unique, 3-dimensional, and interesting, so don’t give any of that up! She will require you to bring her forth from a fully authentic place, and that takes time… The way Mo interacts with Angela is a brilliant way to give us a window into the little girl Mo actually is without having to give up her precociousness. Anytime we get to see her alone and unguarded is a huge opportunity, and also with describing facial and other emotional reactions (as when she was driving the Impaler over Blonde and Brown). Some of her dialogue is a bit beyond her years, but minor tweaks could address that.

“Keep deepening your own intimacy with your characters’ inner journeys (and bravo for knowing of them!) and you will refine ways to bring those threads forward in balance with their outward action. Don’t be afraid to write scenes that aren’t in your book at all. Allow yourself all creative license to serve the film interpretation of your original story.” —Cheryl Boyles (Aug. 2019)

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