SYNOPSIS:

Dad’s Diary revolves around James, who after being made redundant, decides to become a stay at home dad to his son, Jake. James’ wife, Sarah, is a primary school teacher and although at first she seems happy with James being at home with Jake, as the series develops we see her starting to resent him. James thinks however, that retirement has come early and jumps at the chance of watching daytime telly for a living. Unfortunately, it’s not long before James and Jake find themselves in embarrassing situations. With an interfering mother-in-law, who is out to prove he isn’t cut out for the job, James begins to feel the stain of staying at home with a baby. As well as James, Jake and Sarah, there are other characters which will be developed. Sarah has two work colleagues, Caroline and Mark. Over the series we see Sarah going speed dating with Caroline, answering awkward questions from her class of 6 year olds, and throwing a dinner party for Mark and his new boyfriend. James has a group of mates that meet regular for quiz night in the pub. He also is very close to his sister, Kate, who drags him along to a toddler group and other parenting events. As the series draws to close, James and Sarah realise that for one of them to stay at home with Jake, is financial impossible. But, James has really bonded with Jake and at the end of the series when he is offer a job, viewers will have to wait to find out whether James is willing to give up being at home or whether he’ll decide to stay with Jake.

DAD'S DIARY

[PRE-TITLES:] 1 INT JAMES AND SARAH’S FRONT ROOM DAY EARLY MORNING. JAMES IS SAT ON THE SOFA BOUNCING 6 MONTH OLD BABY JAKE ON HIS KNEE. SARAH IS STOOD LOOKING IN THE MIRROR DOING HER MAKE UP SARAH: (CONCENTRATING ON PUTTING LIP STICK ON) You’re going to be okay, aren’t you James? JAMES: (LOOKING AT JAKE SPEAKS IN A HIGH PITCH BABY VOICE) Of course we are, aren’t we Jake, yes! Your silly Mummy is worrying over nothing. SARAH: (LOOKS AT THEM BOTH, UNIMPRESSED) James! JAMES: (LOOKING UP AT SARAH, COMFORTINGLY) Sarah, stop worrying we’ll be just fine. I mean how hard can it be? He’s only 6 months old, what could possibly go wrong...? SARAH: (CARINGLY) Well, don’t forget to make his morning bottle up, you know how much he likes that and- JAMES: (CONFIDENT) I know what I’m doing. SARAH: (APOLOGETICALLY) I’m sorry love, I guess I’m just a little nervous about going back to work...and you know... a class full of children all charged up after Christmas, well, let’s just say I think you’ve got the better deal. JAMES: (UNDER HIS BREATH) You’re not wrong there... SARAH: Pardon JAMES: I was just saying there’s no need for you to be nervous, you’re good at what you do, and besides we do have a busy day ahead (LOOKS DOWN AT JAKE AND SPEAKS IN BABY VOICE) don’t we, yes. SARAH: Do you really have to do the high pitch every time you speak to him? JAMES: (BABY VOICE AGAIN) I can’t help it...no, I just can’t stop it. SARAH SIGHS AND TURNS BACK TO FACE THE MIRROR BRUSHING HER HAIR SARAH: So, what have you got lined up then? JAMES: Well, we’re having the morning with Holly and Phil, then dinner with the loose women and- SARAH: (IMPATIENTLY) James! JAMES: Don’t worry honey, your list of jobs will be done before your home- SARAH: Em they better had! Oh, don’t forget my mother’s coming over this afternoon with that bag of baby clothes... thought you’d enjoy the company! (LAUGHS) JAMES LOOKS SHARPLY AT SARAH AND ROLLS HIS EYES JAMES: More like she’s coming round to check up on me! SARAH: (SARCASTICALLY) Never!! SARAH LOOKS DOWN AT HER WATCH SARAH: (QUICKLY) Flip look at the time, I’d better be off. SARAH WALKS OVER AND KISSES BOTH JAMES AND JAKE THEN STARTS TO CHUCKLE SARAH: You do know you’ve put his sleep suit on back to front? (SHAKING HER HEAD WITH RAISED EYEBROWS) JAMES LOOKS DOWN AT JAKE AND GRINS. SARAH GIVES JAKE ONE MORE KISS SARAH: Look after your Daddy Jakey- JAMES: (SARCASTIC) Ha ha very funny. SARAH: (CONCERNED) If you need everything just call me at lunch, ok? JAMES: (REASURINGLY) Sarah stop worrying, we’ll be fine. Now go before you’re late. SARAH GRABS HER HANDBAG AND CAR KEYS AND HEADS TOWARDS THE FRONT DOOR. LOOKING BACK TOWARDS JAKE AND JAMES, TEARS FILL HER EYES SARAH: (WHISPERS) Bye boys (SHE BLOWS THEM BOTH A KISS THEN LEAVES) JAMES: Well, Jake, it’s just you and me son. Early retirement, (CONFIDENTLY) oh yes! JAMES SWITCHES ON THE TELEVISION JAMES: And Lorraine Kelly is just about to start. I think I’m going to enjoy my new job as a stay at home Daddy. I don’t know what women moan about, (RETURNS TO HIS HIGH PITCH BABY VOICE) I don’t, I don’t, I don’t! OPENING TITLES AND CREDITS. 2 INT KITCHEN DAY JAMES HAS HOLD OF JAKE IN ONE ARM AND SHAKING A BOTTLE OF MILK WITH HIS FREE HAND. JAMES IS ON THE PHONE WHICH HE HAS PLACED BETWEEN HIS SHOULDER AND CHIN JAMES: (ASSERTIVELY) No Kate, no I’m not coming with you (PAUSE) What do you mean it will do him good, he’s only 6 months old and besides I have already planned our day. JAKE STARTS TO CRY FOR HIS MILK. JAMES STARTS ROCKING JAKE FROM SIDE TO SIDE JAMES: (CALMLY) Shush Jake its coming- JAMES: (CONCEEDS) Ok, ok I’ll come with you (FOCUSING MORE ON JAKES NEEDS) look Jake needs his milk (PAUSE) yeah ten is fine, see you then! JAMES DROPS THE PHONE ONTO THE FLOOR. JAKE CRIES EVEN MORE WITH THE BANG JAMES: Oh you’re ok Jakey, that flaming sister of mine ringing at the worst possible time! Come on let’s go and have your milk. CUT TO: 3 INT. BABIES ROOM DAY JAMES IS CHANGING JAKES NAPPY ON HIS CHANGING UNIT JAMES: (CONFIDENTLY AND REGIMENTED) Wipes, check. New Nappy, check- JAMES SLOW STARTS TO REMOVE JAKES NAPPY AND SCREWS HIS FACE UP JAMES: (SHOCKED BUT CALM) Oh my word a whole new outfit, check. Boy you’ve had a field day! (RETURNING TO HIGH PITCHED VOICE) Yes you have- JAMES STARTS WIPING JAKES BUM WHEN SUDDENLY JAKE STARTS TO WEE EVERYWHERE JAMES: (CONFUSED) What the- JAMES THEN REALISES JAKE IS WEEING ON HIM AND GRABS THE CLEAN NAPPY TO USE AS A SHEILD JAMES: (ANNOYED) Whoa, Jake! Stop it...Come on! KNOCK AT THE DOOR JAMES: Oh great... now your aunt Kate’s knocking at the door. CONTINUAL KNOCKING AT THE DOOR JAKE STARTS SPLASHING IN HIS POOL OF WEE AND GIGGLES. JAMES PUTS THE NAPPY DOWN AND SHOUTS DOWN THE STAIRS JAMES: I’m coming hang on! KNOCKING CONTINUES JAMES QUICKLY TAKES OFF HIS WET WEE STAINED JEANS AND PICKS JAKE UP TO GO AND ANSWER THE DOOR JAMES FLINGS THE DOOR OPEN IN TEMPER JAMES: (CROSSLY) For goodness sake, K- POSTMAN: (BEMUSED LOOKING DOWN AT JAMES’ CHRISTMAS UNDERPANTS WHICH HAVE RULDOLPH AND HIS RED FLASHING NOSE) Hi mate, can you take a parcel in for next door? JAMES LOOKS IN DISBELIEF AT THE POSTMAN, THEN ACTING IN A MATTER OF FACT WAY, TAKES THE PARCEL AND SIGNS HIS HAND HELD COMPUTER THEN CLOSES DOOR CUT TO: 4 INT SCHOOL CLASS ROOM DAY SARAH IS SAT ON A CHAIR WITH HER RECEPTION CLASS SAT ON THE CARPET IN FRONT OF HER. SHE HOLDS A REGISTER ON HER LAP SARAH: (CHEERFULLY) Good morning children. CHILDREN: (EXCITEDLY, ALL AT ONCE) Good morning Mrs Harrison SARAH: Well children welcome back, I hope you’ve all enjoyed your holidays- ALL CHILDREN BEGIN TALKING AT ONCE SARAH SITS BACK IN HER CHAIR SARAH: (CALMLY) Ok, ok, (HANDS A TEDDY TO A CHILD, SOPHIE) Remember we only speak when we have got the teddy. SARAH: Ok Sophie. SOPHIE: (ASSURINGLY CONFIDENT) Actually I had a very good Christmas thank you, although, my mummy said daddy couldn’t live in our house anymore because of a tart he’d had. SARAH LOOKS SUPRISED AND ANOTHER GIRL SPEAKS HARRIET: (ASSERTIVELY) Oh like a jam tart? You know we had those at Christmas too and my daddy still lives in our house... SOPHIE SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS SOPHIE: I don’t know, but my mummy was really mad. HARRIET: What do you think Miss? SARAH: I think we should move on to someone else...let me see... ONCE AGAIN THE CHILDREN RAISE THEIR HANDS, SARAH TAKES THE TEDDY FROM SOPHIE AND HANDS IT TO BOBBY SARAH: Bobby. BOBBY: (CONFIDENT) Miss... How did yer baby come out of yer tummy? I asked my mummy, but she said to ask you because teachers know everything. SARAH RAISES AN EYEBROW, TAKES IN A DEEP BREATH. ALLTHE CHILDREN STARE AT HER WAITING IN ANTICIPATION FOR SARAH TO SPEAK SARAH: Well... HARRIET: (MATTER OF FACT WAY) My mummy say’s it like doing a big poo. SARAH: (INTAKE OF BREATH) Well, it’s a bit like that yes, Harriet, but- BOBBY: (CONFUSED) So you had a poo and then your came baby out? That’s horrible! Bet he smelt, Miss! SARAH: (REASSURINGLY) No Bobby....erm, nevermind, let’s do the register and then we can go to assembly. SARAH LOOKS DOWN AT THE REGISTER AND ONE BY ONE CALLS OUT THEIR NAMES WITH CHILDREN REPLYING ‘HERE’- CUT TO: 5 INT WALKING DOWN THE STREET DAY JAMES IS WALKING WITH HIS SISTER KATE. JAMES PUSHES JAKE IN HIS PRAM AND KATE IS PUSHING HER 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, ELLA KATE: (LAUGHING) So you just stood there? In your boxers? Wait- (KATE STOPPES AND GRABS JAMES’S ARM) They weren’t the ones me and Tom bought you for Christmas we’re they? JAMES SILENTLY NODS KATE: (GIGGLING) Oh my word, no, those Rudolph underpants, you didn’t have the nose flashy thing on, did you? JAMES: (QUIET CONCEEDINGLY) Yep, Rudolph was shining his nose, oh so bright! KATE LAUGHES OUT LOUD, JAMES SHUSHES HER JAMES: (QUIETLY BUT ASSERTIVE) Promise me you won’t say anything? Especially to Sarah or Tom, if the guys here about this- KATE STILL LAUGHING ALOUD JAMES: Kate! Promise me! KATE: (FINALLY CALMS DOWN) Ok I promise, but you know it’s not good for a wife to keep secrets from her husband- JAMES: (STERNLY) Kate! KATE: Ok, don’t get your knickers, or should I say boxers in a twist? (GIGGLES AGAIN JAMES WALKS ON AHEAD OF HER) KATE: (CALLING AFTER JAMES) Come on, don’t get stroppy! James! WALKING UP THE CHURCH PATH WAY, JAMES LOOKS NERVOUSLY AT KATE JAMES: (ANXIOUSLY) Are you sure, men can come here? KATE: (FLIPPANTLY) James, it’s a baby and toddler group anyone can come- JAMES: (INTERUPTS KATE) I know that, I mean...well you know...it seems a little.... KATE: (IMPATIENT) You can’t be at home all the time, it’s not good for you or Jake, now, come on... honestly, you’ll be fine. JAMES LOOKS DOWN AT JAKE THEN BACK AT KATE WHO SMILES TOWARDS HIM JAMES: (HEAVY SIGH) Yeah I guess your right. JAMES GOES TO OPEN THE CHURCH DOOR, BUT SHIRLEY THE TODDLER GROUP LEADER RUSHES TO OPEN IT FOR HIM SHIRLEY: (BUBBLY) Well hello you must be, James! Kate has told us all about you- JAMES SMILES AND LOOKS SWIFTLY AT KATE THEN BACK AGAIN AT SHIRLEY JAMES: (AWKARDLY) That’s nice, all good I hope. SHIRLEY CACKLES LOUDLY CAUSING JAMES TO STAND BACK AND LOOK SHOCKED SHIRLEY: (OVEREXCITEDLY) Please come on in, we don’t bite. JAMES: (UNDER HIS BREATH) I wouldn’t put it past you. SHIRLEY TURNS QUICKLY TOWARDS JAMES SHIRLEY: (INTRIGUED) What did you say, dear? JAMES: Oh nothing, I was just saying... JAMES LOOKS TO KATE FOR HELP KATE: (QUICKLY) How’s your Derek? Is he any better? SHIRLEY STEPS OUT OF THE WAY TO ALLOW JAMES AND KATE INTO THE CHURCH ENTRANCE THE CHURCH HALL IS SEPERATED BY DOUBLE DOORS SHIRLEY: Oh he’s much better, thank you dear. SHIRLEY TURNS TO JAMES SHIRLEY: (QUIETLY) Piles, dear, horrible little things, well actually horrible huge things, em. JAMES: (TRYING TO SOUND SYMPATHETIC) Right- KATE FLASHES A QUICK LOOK AT JAMES AND SMIRKS SHIRLEY: Never mind that, (OVEREXCITEDLY) who is this little chappy? SHIRLEY REACHES DOWN TO SQUEEZE JAKES CHEEKS KATE UNCLIPS ELLA FROM HER PRAM AND ELLA RUSHES OVER TO JAKE ELLA: (JOYFULLY) Jack, Jack. SHIRLEY: (STILL LOOKING AT JAKE) Well hello, Jack- JAMES: (INTERUPTS) She means, Jake, his name is, Jake. SHIRLEY: (IN A BABY VOICE, HEAD SWAYING SIDE TO SIDE) Little Jakey Wakey, it’s very nice to meet you. SHIRLEY STARTS TO NOD HER HEAD SHIRLEY: Have you come to play at, Jonah and the Whalers? JAMES STANDS BEWILDERED AND KATE COVERS HER MOUTH TO STOP HER FROM LAUGHING OUT LOUD SHIRLEY: (STILL IN BABY VOICE) Yes you have. JAMES REACHES DOWN AND TAKES JAKE OUT OF HIS PRAM. SHIRLEY SQUEEZES JAKES CHEEKS. THEN UPON THE ARRIVAL OF TWO OTHER WOMEN, WANDERS OFF TO WELCOME THEM IN JAMES: (SHOCKED, WHISPERS TO KATE) She’s had her porridge! And how much perfume has she got on? KATE GIGGLES, GRABBING ELLA’S HAND THEY WALK OVER TO THE DOUBLE DOORS KATE: Come on. JAMES HOLDS JAKE IN ONE ARM AND OPENS THE DOOR WITH THE OTHER. AS HE STANDS THERE ONE BY ONE CHILDREN DROP THEIR TOYS ONTO THE FLOOR. SEVERAL MUMS STOP CONVERSATIONS IN MID SENTENCE AND EVERY CHILD IS SILENCED. LIKE A WESTERN MOVIE EVERYONE STARES IN DISBELIEF AT JAMES. JAMES DARTS HIS EYES AROUND THE ROOM BEFORE LOOKING HELPLESSLY JAMES: (PLEADING TONE) Kate, help. SUDDENLY A CHILD SCREAMS AND CAUSES THE TODDLER GROUP TO ERUPT WITH CHATTERING AND NOISE AGAIN JAMES: (SARCASTICALLY) Good job that wasn’t awkward, Earth to toddler group, yes I’m a man! KATE: (QUICKLY) Let’s go and find somewhere to sit. KATE AND JAMES WALK ACROSS THE TODDLER GROUP TOWARDS THE BABY AREA WHICH HAS BABY NEST, BABY GYMS, BABY TOYS ETC. JAMES PLACES JAKE IN ONE OF THE BABY NESTS THEN SITS DOWN NEXT TO KATE LADY ONE: We haven’t seen you here before! First time? JAMES: (NODDING HIS HEAD) Yeah. LADY TWO: (JOINING IN CONVERSATION) We don’t see many dad’s here. LADY ONE: No not many at all in fact...I think you’re the first. JAMES TURNS TOWARDS KATE JAMES: (RAISING HIS EYEBROWS) Really! KATE SMILES BACK AND SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS KATE: (SPEAKING TO JAMES UNDER HER BREATH) Well, if I’d have told you that you would never have come. LADY ONE: Well, I think it’s nice that a husband comes with his wife, I mean- JAMES: (QUICKLY CORRECTS HER) Oh no, this isn’t my wife. Kate’s my sister. LADY TWO: (FLIRTY) So, you’re not married then? LADY TWO LOOKS JAMES UP AND DOWN, JAMES COUGHS, LOOKS AWKARDLY TOWARDS HER THEN TURNS TO KATE KATE: No, I mean yes, he is married, but we’re brother and sister. His wife works and James looks after Jake. JAMES DARTS A LOOK AT KATE AND SHAKES HIS HEAD LADY ONE: (TILTS HER HEAD) Aw, that’s lovely my husband’s allergic to our children! I’m sure dirty nappies cause his legs to go into an involuntary spasm causing him to retreat approximately 100 yards away- JAMES: It was sort of a joint decision really. I was made redundant when my wife, Sarah, was on maternity leave so- LADY ONE: (SYMPTHETIC) Oh that’s terrible. Still at least you get to stay at home with your little one. How are you finding it? JAMES: (CONFIDENTLY) Good thanks my wife only went back to work today, so I guess time will tell. So far so good, in fact I think it’s going to be easier than going to work- THE LADIES GASP IN SHOCK KATE: (IN AMAZEMENT) Really! So the postman didn’t see you in your boxers this morning after, Jake doused you down with his magic wand? JAMES: (GASPS) Kate! You promised- CUT TO: 6 INT TODDLER GROUP DAY EVERYONE IS SAT ON THE FLOOR IN A CIRCLE. SHIRLEY IS GOING AROUND THE CIRCLE HANDING OUT CHILD FRIENDLY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS TO THE CHILDREN AND ADULTS. JAMES GETS A PENGUIN SHAPED TAMBOURINE, JAKE GET A RATTLE, ELLA GETS A DRUM AND KATE GETS A TRIANGLE. JAMES WATCHES ALL THE OTHER MUMS SHAKE, RATTLE AND BANG THEIR INSTUMENTS FRANTICALLY. MUMS ARE TRYING TO GET THE CHILDREN TO JOIN IN SHIRLEY: (SHOUTING OVER THE NOISE) Right everyone! Settle down (PAUSE) ok, so, has everyone got an instrument? VOLUME OF PEOPLE: Yeah! SHIRLEY: Good, good. Firstly I would like to say a big warm welcome to our newest member of, Jonah and the Whalers- JAMES BLUSHES WITH EMBRASSMENT AND TRIES TO AVOID EYE CONTACT WITH ANYONE SHIRLEY: (JOYFULLY CONTINUES) A big warm welcome to our new wailers, James and Jake. JAMES SMILES SHIRLEY: (EXCITEDLY LOOKING AROUND THE CIRCLE) Shall we start with our hello song? CHILDREN: (EXCITED) Yeah! SHIRLEY: (LOOKING OVER AT JAMES) And, I think we should start with our new daddy. JAMES QUICKLY LOOKS AT KATE WHO SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS AND SMILES. A CHORUS OF WOMENS VOICES ERUPTS INTO SONG: WOMEN: (SINGING CHEERFULLY) Where is James? Where is Jake? Did they come? Did they come? To Jonah and the Whalers, Jonah and the Whalers, Yes they did! Yes they did! JAMES QUICKLY GRABS JAKE AND TRIES TO HIDE BEHIND HIM. KATE STARES AT JAMES WHILE ELLA CONTINUES TO BANG HER DRUM. ALL THE OTHER LADIES AND SHIRLEY LOOK TOWARDS JAMES AND WAVE WAITING FOR A REPONSE KATE: (PANICKED) Quick James, say hello back...wave! JAMES PATHETICALLY SHAKES HIS PENGUIN TAMBOURINE AND IN THE TUNE OF TOMMY THUMB SINGS: JAMES: Here we are, here we are, how do you do? SILENCE FALLS MOMENTARILY, EVERYONE STARES AT JAMES SHOCKED. THEN KATE BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER AND EVERYONE ELSE BEGINS TO LAUGH TOO, EXCEPT JAMES JAMES: (TURNS TO KATE, UNIMPRESSED) Thanks a lot sis! CUT TO: 7 INT TEACHERS STAFF ROOM DAY STAFF ROOM IS BUZZING WITH CHATTERING SOME TEACHERS ARE SAT DOWN WITH OTHERS STOOD UP. SARAH IS STOOD AT THE KETTLE MAKING A COFFEE WITH MARK SARAH: I’m so glad you’ve found someone Mark, new year, new man. MARK: (GESTURING WITH HANDS DIRECTIONALITY, DOWN, ON, UP AND DOWN) Oh Sarah, I tell you he’s everything, Matt wasn’t. You’re talking lids down, toothpaste lids on, clothes hung up and shaving stubble washed away- SARAH: Huh does he give lessons? Every time James shaves he leaves the sink full of black mess. But, then he has the nerve to point out my inequities when I shave in the bath. Anyway... carry on, how did you meet? MARK: Well, (THEY START WALKING OVER TOWARDS THE CHAIRS) it was Christmas Eve and I’d taken me Nan to the A and E- SARAH LOOKS PUZZLED MARK: (FLIPPANTLY) She’s ok she just slipped on the ice and broke her hip- SARAH: (AMAZED BY MARKS CASUALNESS) Nothing too serious then- MARK: Anyway, (DAYDREAMING) there he was, dressed top to bottom in blue, perched over the x-ray machine... CAROLINE ENTERS AND SEEING SARAH LETS OUT A SCREAM CAROLINE: (CALLING OVER) Your here! I’ve been looking all over the school for you- SARAH: (MATTER OF FACT) Where else would I be at break time? SARAH: (CALLING BACK AT CAROLINE IN A CALMER VOICE THAN CAROLINES) Yeah here I am! CAROLINE SQUEEZES IN BETWEEN MARK AND SARAH MARK: (ANNOYED) Caroline, do you mind, I was just filling, Sarah in on me new man! CAROLINE: Oh come on Mark, each fresh term brings a new man and I bet he’s even better than the last one? SARAH: (SHOCKED) Caroline! MARK STANDS UP AND FRUSTATED WITH CAROLINE, WALKS OUT OF THE STAFF ROOM SARAH: That was a bit harsh. CAROLINE: Oh come on, he’ll get over it. I have a night out for you that you will not be able to resist. Let me just grab a coffee, then I’ll fill you in...I tell you those year 6 kids are driving me mad! SARAH PULLS OUT HER MOBILE PHONE AND LOOKS DOWN AT THE PICTURE OF JAMES AND JAKE SARAH: (WHISPERING IN CONTEMPLATION) See you soon (RUBBING HER THUMB ACROSS THE PICTURE) CAROLINE: (OVER THE TOP OF SARAH) Aw how cute, I tell you what Sarah, that’s two very handsome men you have there. SARAH: (SAD) Yeah I know. (SARAH PUTS THE PHONE BACK IN HER BAG THEN CHEERFULLY ASKS) So, this night out, what is it? CAROLINE: (EXCITEDLY) Well... you know how you’re always telling me to find someone- (WAITS FOR A RESPONSE) SARAH: (CONFUSED) Don’t recall ever saying that? CAROLINE: At the Christmas party! SARAH: Caroline, I didn’t come to the Christmas party- CAROLINE: (PUZZLED) Oh, well someone said it... anyway- (RUSTLES IN HER BAG BEFORE PULLING OUT A LEAFLET) Ta-da! Look...what you’d think? SARAH TAKES THE LEAFLET AND READS OVER IT BEWILDERED SARAH: (SLOWLY) Speed dating? CAROLINE: Yeah it’s on next Friday night. So- CAROLINE LOOKS PUPPY EYED AT SARAH SARAH: (HANDING BACK THE LEAFLET) No, oh no, no way, Caroline! CAROLINE: (SHOCKED) What! Give me one good reason why not? SARAH LIFTS UP HER HAND TO SHOW CAROLINE HER WEDDING RING CAROLINE: (FLIPPANTLY) So, you don’t have to take anyone’s number...oh please Sarah, for me (PUPPY EYED AGAIN) SARAH SMILES AND SIGHS SARAH: Look I can’t, even if I wanted to. James does quiz nights on Fridays- CAROLINE: (PLEADINGLY) Can you not ask your parents to babysit? Oh please- SARAH: (THOUGHFUL) I suppose I could, as a one of, but no- CAROLINE STANDS UP TRIUMPHANTLY CAROLINE: (ECSTATICALLY RASISING HER ARMS) That’s sorted then, ‘love for losers’ here we come- SARAH LAUGHS SARAH: That’s not what it’s called, is it? CAROLINE STUFFS THE LEAFLET IN HER POCKET AND SMILES CAROLINE: Oh Sarah, becoming a mum has made you so gullible! No it’s actually called, ‘Where is the love.’ I think it’s from that group called... you know who I mean... the broad bean, no, the black dyed peas! BELL RINGS CAROLINE: Oh, I can’t wait, catch yer later. SARAH: Yeah, see you later. CUT TO: 8 INT JAKE’S BEDROOM DAY JAMES IS PUTTING DOWN JAKE FOR A NAP WHEN SOMEBODY STARTS KNOCKING AT THE DOOR JAMES: (UNDER HIS BREATH) If that’s postman Pat, I’ll flippin’ run over his dam cat. (KISSES JAKE ON HIS FOREHEAD) Have a nice sleep little man. JAMES QUIETLY SETTLES JAKES DOWN, GENTLY CLOSES HIS BEDROOM DOOR BEFORE MAKING HIS WAY QUIETLY DOWNSTAIRS. SUDDENLY THE LETTER BOX OPENS SANDRA: (CALLING THROUGH THE LETTERBOX) James! Are you there? It’s only me I’ve brought that bag of clothes for Jake...James! JAMES: (QUIETLY OPENING THE DOOR) Shush, I’ve just got him off- SANDRA: (QUIETLY) Sorry, did Sarah not tell you I was coming? JAMES TAKES THE BAG OF CLOTHES OFF SANDRA JAMES: Yeah she did mention something this morning, but I’ve been out with, Kate to toddler group so- SANDRA: (SURPRISED) A toddler group? JAMES: Yes, Sandra, you seem rather shocked, where do you expect me to take him, rock climbing? SANDRA: (SHARPLY) Well, you’re certainly learning how to be stressy. Well, I suppose all of this swapping roles malarkey seems, well, it’s a bit weird. I mean a man staying at home raising the baby while, his wife goes back out to work- JAMES: Sandra! I was made redundant and besides, it was Sarah’s idea for me to stay at home- SANDRA: (ANNOYED) Yes... well, she would say that- JAMES: (QUICKLY INTERUPTING) Was there anything else Sandra? It’s just- SANDRA: Well I was hoping to see my grandson, but seen has you’ve put him to sleep...erm...no then guess I’ve got things to be getting on with! JAMES: (CASUALLY) Good, right, well, I’d better get my jobs done. I’m sure Sarah will ring you later. (UNDER HIS BREATH) more like you’ll ring her bang on tea time. SANDRA: Yes, right, well then bye for now James, don’t let him sleep too long now, otherwise he won’t go down tonight, and- JAMES: Good bye Sandra. JAMES CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND SANDRA AND SIGHS JAMES: (MIMICKING SANDRA) Don’t let him sleep too long, James...my daughter should be at home looking after, Jake...you should be a proper man and get a job!! Flippin’ women! CUT TO: 9 INT FRONT ROOM NIGHT JAMES AND SARAH SAT TOGETHER ON THE SOFA WATCHING TV, JAMES STARTS TO YAWN SARAH: (PATTING JAMES’S KNEE) Oh sweetheart, you look shattered? JAMES: Just a bit, never mind me, how was your first day back at work? SARAH: (SIGHS) Yeah it was ok, doesn’t feel like I’ve been off for 8 months. SARAH LOOKS OVER TO THE BAG OF CLOTHES SARAH: Oh... mum came then- SARAH LOOKS OVER AT JAMES AND SMILES SARAH: (LAUGHS) Did you play nice? JAMES: (SMIRKING) Of course! SARAH: James, I hope you didn’t upset her. I need her to babysit for us next Friday. JAMES: No I didn’t, and why? JAMES LOOKS AT SARAH CONFUSED SARAH: You know Caroline- JAMES: (SLOWLY) Yeah- SARAH: Well, she’s got this leaflet about a speed dating event at the community centre- JAMES: Speed dating? Why does that involve...hang on (SITS BOLT RIGHT UP) on no Sarah! SARAH: She just needs someone for support. JAMES: So, tell her to ask Mark then- SARAH: (LAUGHS) James, Mark’s gay and besides- JAMES: Yeah and your married! SARAH: It doesn’t bother me you going out and meeting all these hot mums- JAMES: (CONFUSED) Hot mums? SARAH: Yeah, you know at the toddler group...although, I’m sure your singing voice would put anyone off (STARTS TO CHUCKLE) JAMES SITS UP AND QUICKLY LOOKS AT SARAH JAMES: Kate! SARAH: She might have mentioned something about you singing Tommy thumb- JAMES: Wait till I see her- SARAH: (LAUGHS) What were you thinking? JAMES SITS BACK INTO THE SOFA AND SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS, HE FOCUSES ON THE TELLY. SARAH MOVES CLOSER TO HIM SARAH: (WHIPSERS IN JAMES EARS) She also mentioned something about your flashing underpants- JAMES TURNS TO LOOK AT SARAH JAMES: Really! SARAH: Well, actually I read that bit on her facebook page! JAMES: I’ll kill her!!! SARAH: (BITING HER LIP) Do you still have them on? JAMES: Not tonight, Sarah (ASSERTIVELY) I’ve had a hard day! SARAH: Wow, you are turning into a woman. I’d better start locking up my makeup! JAMES: Yeah, yeah, seriously though, this staying at home with Jake is more tiring than you think. SARAH: Really! What happened to (MOCKINGLY) ‘early retirement for me’ and ‘don’t know what women moan about’- JAMES: (YAWNING) Yeah and I still don’t know what they moan about (CLOSING HIS EYES) SARAH: Oh James, what are you like? You’d never admit to it being hard work, you’re so stubborn- JAMES: That’s why you love me (SMILES CHEEKILY AT SARAH) SARAH: (LOVINGLY WITH AN ELEMENT OF SARCASM, LOOKING INTO JAMES’S EYES) Yeah, I’ve really landed on my feet- JAMES: Hey, I’ll have you know that I actually know how to use the washer. And I bet you didn’t know that it can actually dry the clothes too! SARAH: (LAUGHS) No, I didn’t know that, thanks for telling me, those drying fairies can hang up their wings now- JAMES: (STRUGGLING TO KEEP HIS EYES OPEN, MURMERING SLOWLY) Yeah, they can...love you Mrs Harrison. SARAH: (PLACING HER HEAD ON JAMES AND JAMES STARTS TO SNORE) I love you too! CLOSING CREDITS 10 INT DINING ROOM NIGHT JAMES IS NAPPING. THE SOUND OF JAKE CRYING COMES FROM UPSTAIRS FADING IN AND OUT SARAH: (SHOUTING DOWN FROM UPSTAIRS) James! Hurray up with his milk will you! JAMES: (COMING TOO FROM HIS NAP CALLS BACK) Yeah, sweetheart, coming now- JAMES STARTS TO TYPE ON HIS FACEBOOK PAGE JAMES: (QUIETLY TO HIMSELF) My darling sister, see how you like this... Write on Kate’s wall, yes please... Hi Kate, just wanted to say congratulations again and your brilliant news. Can’t wait to have a new niece or nephew, speak soon James xx oh and by the way, don’t eat too many chocolates, you don’t want to balloon up like you did when you were pregnant with Ella xxx Add message...enter! There- SARAH: (SHOUTING INPATIENTLY) James! Where’s Jake bottle? JAMES SMILES TO HIMSELF AND CLOSES HIS LAPTOP THEN GRABS THE BOTTLE OF MILK OFF THE TABLE JAMES: (SHOUTS) Sorry! Coming now- JAMES WALKS UPSTAIRS TURNING OFF THE LIVING ROOM LIGHT AS HE EXITS. HIS MOBILE PHONE STARTS LIGHTS UP WITH A TEXT MESSAGE FROM KATE THE END