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By Randy Steinlauf

GENRE: Comedy

An apocryphal gospel chronicles the riotous exploits of a 16-year old Jesus of Nazareth who is more focused on playing with his band and searching for his lost love, than developing into a divine prophet.


JESUS and the PROPHETS, plays clubs and bar mitzvahs in Nazareth. Tired of bad gigs in Nazareth they want something bigger and better. That’s where PETER of RED SEA MUSIC and ENTERTAINMENT comes in. He wants to book them on a summer tour. The tour could bring Jesus back to Bethlehem and to the love of his young life SALLY whom he met in Jerusalem when he was twelve. He convinces his best friend and aspiring lawyer ADAM to come on the tour as a roadie. JOSEPH would rather him to work with him and his BROTHERS. Sally speaks to BARNBAS, her father, and laments the loss of her mother as well as Jesus’ never returning to see her. Barnabas informs her that they will be moving.

At their first gig, Jesus discovers Peter renamed the band Jesus H. and The Christs. Barnabas and Sally settle into their now home in Nazareth. Jesus confides in Adam about Sally for the first time. He also confesses that he lied to Adam about an important internship he had promised to get him that angers Adam and he goes back to Nazareth. At a market in BETHLEHEM Jesus asks around if anyone knows Sally or her father Barnabas. He learns that they moved away and believes they are now in JERUSALEM. Jesus stepbrother JAMES does work at Sally’s house. Jesus and the band have amassed quite a following so Peter books an extra week in Bethlehem and pushes Jerusalem back a week. Jesus is able to talk Peter out of it. Sally and James start dating. While in Jerusalem, Jesus runs into Adam bartending at a tavern. Jesus asks him for forgiveness which Adam grants. Jesus also discovers that Sally has moved again back to Nazareth. Jesus returns home only to find out that Sally and James are a couple and are to be married. To top it off, Jesus is kicked out of the band.

Adam talks Jesus into to going to a hot new music club. Hallucinating on some mushrooms he got from veteran musician LAZARUS, Jesus talks to GOD in the form of a burning bush who tells him of his true destiny of being crucified on a cross. Jesus lets his bio-divine father know he’s not really selling the concept. The band is now awful after JEXODUS (Jesus’ Exodus… from the band) and they want him back. James and Sally come to a show where Jesus is performing. Jesus has hired a PROSTITUTE to hook up with an inebriated James and Sally leaves the club upset. Sally calls off the wedding and dates Jesus. On the date, he confesses to the devious plan at the club and Sally slaps him on one cheek, then kicks him in the other cheek and leaves. Jesus realizes his true calling in life and is back touring with the band.

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