NEWS ROOM A News channel logo flashes across the screen, bold letters fly rotating, slamming into the screen, BAM BAM BAM - -MFW NEWS, The Mother-Fucking World Report. A news anchor smiles and begins to speak. STANLEY WALKMAN Good evening America, I am Stanley Walkman and this is the Motherfuckin World Report. For weeks, a war has been raging on our streets, inside our neighborhoods and in our hearts. The fall as some call it, has come to town. To some, this is the time to romanticize and look out from a window at the picturesque landscape, but to others who deal closely with this phenomena, it is cold blooded war. EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - DAY - OCTOBER A quiet suburban street covered in autumn foliage. The camera pans taking in the serene atmosphere. Tall trees in autumn colors, sway gently in the breeze. CLOSE UP on leaves rustling in the breeze, tearing away and floating down the street. STANLEY WALKMAN V.O. Leaves are things that grow on trees, they rustle in the breeze, they make the trees look fluffy in the summer and produce oxygen, all is well until, for some reason they stop being on the branches and begin their most evil and no doubt premeditated descent to the ground. While they do so, they crumple up and take the most hideous shape looking sick and demented. They begin to crowd the street with the most horrifying look, they hang, as the saying goes amongst the people, 'on the block,' they cause distress. When asked to leave they stop and stare. Here's Marry Archie reporting. EXT. GARDEN CENTRAL SUPPLY STORE - DAY MARRY ARCHIE Thank you Stanley. I am here on the ground at Garden Central where people have been in and out all day, to replenish their supplies and ammunition against the leave effrontery. Marry approaches a man pushing an enormous, loaded cart. MARY ARCHIE Excuse me Sir, are these supplies you plan to use on leaves? JEFFREY BUCKHEIMER Yes Mam. MARRY ARCHIE Can you share with us, how you're dealing with the situation? JEFFREY BUCKHEIMER Well first I asked them politely, I tried to reason with them but they just wouldn't go, my whole street looked all wrong, I would come out everyday and there they were all brown and yellow, just lying around looking drunk! EXT. LAWN - NIGHT Leaves in piles awaiting pick up sit along the edge of a lawn. STANLEY WALKMAN V.O. Things escalated in late October when the leaves blew in closer to the homes in Newton county, and some citizens decided to take aggressive action, here's what the anonymous leader of the 'Leaves go back up' front had to say. The camera angles on a man with a mean red face, standing defiantly on his lawn with a rake in his hands and paper 'lawn bags in the background. ANONYMOUS LEADER We are going to take our streets back no matter what! Enough is enough! First you're on my sidewalk then you're on my porch! This is America ok pal? You ain't in Kiev no more, we do green leaves here not this crunchy fairy looking origami stuff, I'm sending the message out there to all you lazy mothers laying around on my lawn get out now or I'll compost your ass! INT - SUBWAY - NEW YORK Marry strolls along the subway platform underneath 5th Ave. MARRY ARCHIE People nationwide are standing up against natures terror, some are forming into groups others seeking refuge in churches and subways. Here's Jeremy in New York who seeks safety from this sudden and unexpected turn of natural events. Marry turns towards a young man huddled on the ground in front of a chess board. MARRY ARCHIE Jeremy, now you have been underground since the invasion began in late September, is that correct? JEREMY WILLIS That's right. I am not a fighter so I just decided to wait it out. You see they can't get down here because of the gates you know, I just feel safer down here. I guess I'll learn how to play chess here this winter. I hope they can take care of this problem soon. MARRY ARCHIE Thank you and God Bless. EXT. COUNTRY SIDE - NORTH CAROLINA - DAY GEORGE a husky country man stands outside in a pair of overalls. STANLEY WALKMAN V.O. Others are taking serious steps to clean up their neighborhood. Here is the spokesman from the Blowers and the Suckers brigade in North Carolina. GEORGE Well I never liked them you know, ever since those sticks outside my house got covered in them buds I just knew there's gonna be trouble! My wife said O George ain't they pretty? but I just swayed my head and say you wait Janet, you just wait and see now babe. Well we got about 12 brigades working on the containment here in Hamfurshire, all leaf blowers and power vacuums and we're taking our town back block by block, yeah it's not easy, we tried to strike a deal with them and they seemed real complacent at first but then they just wouldn't budge, well now we had enough of this negotiating business, I think we got a good strategy here, our goal now is to move them on into the forest preserve and they can all rot there for all we care. STANLEY WALKMAN V.O. The white house responds INT. WHITE HOUSE PRESS ROOM SPOKESPERSON We condemn the latest attack of the leaves, we stand with the people and will do everything in our power to aid our citizens in the fight they face, by offering mail in rebates on leaf blowing equipment, garden bags and rakes. EXT. COUNTRY SIDE - PENNSYLVANIA MARRY ARCHIE As we go full steam ahead into winter some leaf soldiers are experiencing distress and even desperation at the conundrum, here's Bill Messenger from Pennsylvania. Now Bill you've been out here fighting this thing all the way, tell us BILL MESSENGER This is war you know, anything can happen, we lost plenty good men raking out here, one minute there here the next poof their gone. Some go home with PTSD. The VA is overflowing with crazies. CUT TO INT. VA HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM A bearded man is strapped to a gurney, gripping the railing, he is totally crazed and mumbling. MAN The rustling, stop the rustling, I can't hear any more rustling, I can't hear anything. A nurse turns to him with a hypodermic needle in her hand. NURSE This will calm you down. The nurse injects the contents of the needle into the IV running into the patients arm. The face of the man relaxes and his grip on the bed railing eases. BACK TO PENNSYLVANIA BILL MESSENGER (CONT'D) I mean last week we came up on whole piles of them in the park, it was like an ambush you know, we started stuffing them in bags and pillin them up and we got through it you know, we came out on top, but we weren't looking so good, I mean people pulled their backs, got scratches, threw a couple wrists, someone got a black eye from a shovel. It was like Nam. We need back up, but sometimes I feel like our own country turned their back on us, shit you know, left us for dead. I got a family and I pray everyday just to get through this, I wish God never made leaves in the first place. MARRY ARCHIE Some Blowing others Sucking everyone is doing something to help. In some ways it feels like there's no-one left untouched by this conflict, across the plains and the mountain ranges of our great country, people are uniting in the war, the War on leaves. Stay with us as we give you the latest updates right here on; this Motherfucking World Report. The image is cut by the News channel logo in big bold letters, slamming into the screen, BAM, BAM, BAM MFW, This Motherfuckin World Report. Fade out.